battered egos

Verse 7 - Modesty

"The Great Integrity, having had no birth, expresses its immortality without pronouncements.

The wise are heard through their silence, always self-full through selflessness."

- LAO TZU

The ego is the issue here. It is the very act of calling attention to ourselves that alienates us from others. Moreover, it is this very alienation that prevents self and social fulfillments.

When we no longer respond to the compulsive alternating bulimic demands and anorexic sufferings of our battered egos, then we will fulfill ourselves naturally and silently just as the Great Integrity expresses its immortality without pronouncements.

- Ralph Alan Dale

the art of motherhood

bare feet

striped pajamas

river rocks found on a walk

natural healing crystals

playing

counting

building

imagining

creating priceless memories 

I love my life...

I love being his MAMA...

I am learning to mother myself - my Self - with unconditional love, patience, gentleness, curiosity, playfulness and humor...

snapshots of my son during one of our early morning rituals

transformation

"The call of death is a call of love. Death can be sweet if we answer it in the affirmative, if we accept it as one of the great eternal forms of life and transformation." - Hermann Hesse

...a sweet call of love... 

sudden bursts of laughter

"Casimira, you have taught me to love the beauty in the spontaneous, the chaotic; the sudden bursts of laughter of the Goddess..." - Luis Javier

xo xo xo

"One regret, dear world, that I am determined not to have when I am lying on my deathbed is that I did not kiss you enough." - HAFIZ, who else?

I have not kissed this beloved world enough...

long, slow kisses...

heart-pounding, spontaneous kisses....

dreaming the world into being

"The Australian Aborigines believe that two separate realities exist: that of everyday life, and that of the dreamtime, the timeless realm from which energy beings (the gods) first sung the world into existence. The dreamtime is the domain of song and poetry, of symbols and archetypes; the shamans believe that it's the more important of the two realities, for it births, shapes, and forms the physical world. They'd probably agree with Einstein, who said, 'Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.'

In our own culture, we've come to value our waking reality so much that we've forgotten our power to conceive from the invisible world of the dreamtime and co-create with the universe."

- Alberto Villoldo

from childhood I learned that I could receive messages through dreams...

ideas for my artwork and poetry often originate in vivid, detailed dreams...

imagination & kisses

"There are two ways to reach me: by way of kisses or by way of imagination. But there is a hierarchy: the kisses alone don't work." - Anais Nin 

snapshot: Peruvian feathers, grandmother's pearls, crystals and a rock my son painted blue when he was two...a corner of my world...

cuddle up with the stars more

"When was the last time you wallowed in contentment, maybe lay in bed for two days just making your lover sigh and giggle, and she/he and you talked silliness for hours and joked at the sweet insignificance of most all stuff?

Cuddle up with the stars more. You will be able to do that if you can start treating every human being as a sacred cow, and keep a few of my poems handy." - my beloved HAFIZ

cuddle up with stars...cuddle up with dreams...cuddle up with ideas...cuddle up with questions...cuddle up with mysteries...

become intimate with every inch of the soul...

from my journals

restless

"I'm awaiting a lover. I have to be rent and pulled apart and live according to the demons and the imagination in me. I'm restless. Things are calling me away. My hair is being pulled by the stars again."

-Anais Nin 

mixed media on paper

the joy of everything else

"If my world were to cave in tomorrow, I would look back on all the pleasures, excitements and worthwhilenesses I have been lucky enough to have had. Not the sadness, not my miscarriages or my father leaving home, but the joy of everything else. It will have been enough." - Audrey Hepburn 

love, grace & gratitude

"Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace and gratitude." - Denis Waitley

celebrating a special birthday today...with love, grace and overwhelming gratitude 

snapshot from a corner of my home

new moon - spring equinox - solar eclipse

the day began with a blessing of snow and rain...sacred waters, representing cleansing and renewal, rebirth and new beginnings...

balance of dark and light,

balance of masculine and feminine...

a solar eclipse invites us to open up to our shadow side and integrate our disowned self...

excerpts from my journal

your mouth

"I am haunted by the things I miss and the times my name doesn't fill your mouth.

I need a word for the way that feels, for all the letters don't seem to say it properly." - Tyler Knott Gregson

mixed media on paper

hurricane of experience

happy enough is not enough for me, not anymore...

my beloved RUMI whispers wisdom:

"I was happy enough to stay still

inside the pearl inside the shell,

but the hurricane of experience 

lashed me out of hiding and made me

a wave moving into shore, saying loudly 

the ocean's secret as I went, and then

spent there, I slept like fog against

the cliff, another stillness."

- RUMI

we shared a moment that will last till the end

- mixed media from a series -

"My life is brilliant.
My love is pure.
I saw an angel.
Of that I'm sure.
She smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won't lose no sleep on that,
'Cause I've got a plan.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

Yes, she caught my eye,
As we walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was,
Flying high.
And I don't think that I'll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last till the end.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.
But it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you." - James Blunt

you'll never know

- mixed media, 2011 -

"The very thought of you
I forget to do
Those little ordinary things
That everyone ought to do
I'm livin' in a kind of a daydream
I'm happy as a queen
And foolish though it may seem
To me that's everything
The mere idea of you
The longing here for you
You'll never know
How slow the moments go
Till I'm near to you
I see your face in every flower
Your eyes in stars above
It's just the thought of you,
The very thought of you, my love..."

- as sung by Billie Holiday

life's reply

"The demon that you can swallow gives you it's power, and the greater life's pain, the greater life's reply." - Joseph Campbell 

snapshot of the fearless lion-headed Egyptian goddess, Sekhmet 

to mother is to nurture

"Arianrhod is a matriarchal Welsh triple moon goddess, both virgin and mother. Famed for her beauty...she has a special love, concern, and responsibility for all life, especially for the green growing things of the earth. One derivation of her name is 'high fruitful mother who turns the wheel of the heavens;' the other is 'silver wheel.' Her name tells us of her role as keeper of the heavens and of the cycles and changes of time. She lives in a castle in the Corona Borealis, where she watches over souls in a purgatory filled with beings awaiting rebirth. 

Arianrhod, keeper of time, giver and nurturer of life, shows us the universality and cyclicity of our lives; she is there to nurture us through the dark night of our soul changes."

- Michael Babcock

image: my journal with a Susan Eleanor Boulet goddess card, a crystal and flowers from today's workshop 

equanimity

"Maintain a neutral attitude towards all things; do not get infatuated with anything; maintain equanimity with whether in happiness or suffering; be the same to friends and enemies; treat alike a broken piece of mud pot and a piece of gold." - Devikalottara

unapologetic passion: María Pagés

I wish to live the remainder of my life with unapologetic passion and intensity...

María Pagés, what an honor to witness your powerful poetry and raw beauty this evening...

"Flamenco is born out of emotion...the artist must carry you away, and you must allow yourself to go with him or her."

- María Pagés

I surrender to the dance of the divine...

I vow to live my life with unapologetic passion and intensity...

siempre existes dondequiera

"Porque te tengo y no -

porque te pienso -

porque la noche está de ojos abiertos -

porque la noche pasa y digo amor -

porque has venido a recoger tu imagen -

y eres mejor que todas tus imágenes -

porque eres linda desde el pie hasta el alma -

porque eres buena desde el alma a mi -

porque te escondes dulce en el orgullo -

pequeña y dulce -

corazón coraza -

porque eres mía -

porque no eres mía -

porque te miro y muero -

y peor que muero -

si no te miro amor -

si no te miro - 

porque tu siempre existes dondequiera -

pero existes mejor donde te quiero -

porque tu boca es sangre -

y tienes frío -

tengo que amarte amor -

tengo que amarte -

aunque esta herida duela como dos -

y aunque -

la noche pase y yo te tenga -

y no."

- Mario Benedetti 

my love for you is no secret

"To say that the love between you and me can end is like saying that a diamond can be pierced.

As a lotus lives in water, I'm the servant, you're the master.

My love for you is no secret.

I'm the grub to your ichneumon fly -

the river to your sea -

the borax to your gold -

heightening its effect."

- KABIR

snapshot - a corner of my world 

il pianto di Maria

"Mary has wept! Mary has wept! ...Weeping is fecund. There never has been a sterile tear. As the rain that falls from on high irrigates the countryside and prepares it to receive, in all fertility, the crops and seed and fruit that will in time come to ripeness, so it will happen in the realizing of the spirit." 

- Archbishop of Syracuse

sacred, fertile, healing tears...

snapshot: my meditation altar

International Women's Day

- mixed media on paper -

"I believe that within me lies an extraordinary radiance, and I commit to letting my light loose in the world.

I believe that the source of my power and wisdom is in the center of my being, and I commit to acting from this place of strength.

I believe that I possess an abundance of passion and creative potential, and I commit to the expression of these gifts.

I believe that the time has come to let go of old notions and unhealthy attitudes, and I commit to re-examine what I have been told about beauty and dismiss what insults my soul.

I believe that negative thoughts and words compromise my well-being, and I commit to thinking and speaking positively about myself and others.

I believe that young women are in need of positive role models, and I commit to being an example of authenticity and self-love.

I believe in the relationship between my well-being and the well-being of the planet, and I commit to a life of mindfulness that regards all living things as holy and worthy of my love.

I believe it is my spiritual responsibility to care for my body with respect, kindness and compassion.  I commit to balancing my life in such a way that my physical being is fully expressed and nurtured.

I believe that joy is an essential part of wellness, and I commit to removing obstacles to joy and creating a life that is full of exuberance.

I believe that a woman who loves herself is a powerful, passionate, attractive force, and I commit, from this day forward, to loving myself deeply and extravagantly."

- Jan Phillips, Copyright 2007

goddess of women

- mixed media on paper -

"I am Isis, mistress of the whole land...I am she who separated the heaven from the earth. I have instructed mankind in the mysteries...I have ordered the course of the sun and the moon. I am queen of the rivers and winds and sea...I have made justice more powerful than silver and gold. I have caused truth to be considered beautiful. I am she who is called the Goddess of women..."

- excerpt from the Inscription on The Temple of Isis at Sais

I dream with the ancient goddesses of motherhood and fertility...they visit my dreams with messages and inspiration...

momentos

crisp blue skies...his eyes...

sensual branches...her curves...

silent, telepathic messages...

dripping, melting snow...the sun...

full moon, frozen again 

full moon

"All I have to do 

is hear his name 

and every hair on my body 

just bristles with desire.

When I see 

the moon on his face,

this frame of mine

oozes sweat like a moonstone.

When that man

as dear to me as breath

steps close enough to me

to stroke my neck,

the thought of jealousy 

is shattered in my heart

that's only sometimes

hard as diamond."

- compiled by Amaru in the 7th century

snapshot: a piece completed upon the full moon - pearls, rose quartz, silk and bronze

 

she was in love

"Then, she began to breathe, and live, and every moment took her to a place where goodbyes were hard to come by. She was in love, but not in love with someone or something, she was in love with her life. And for the first time, in a long time, everything was inspiring."

- R.M.Drake

detail from a piece I've been working on: rose quartz, pearls, silk and bronze

veritas and bottled poetry

"Wine is bottled poetry." 

- Robert Louis Stevenson

laughter 

questions

wonder

curiosity

meditation

a text message 

non-judgement 

more laughter

conditioning 

parenthood

childhood

another text message

truth

sex

faith

travel

mystery

and yet ANOTHER text message...

is that normal? 

mindless rudeness?

forgiveness

compassion

learning

breathing

laughter

and more laughter

friendship

wine

poetry

...always poetry, always truth...

excerpt from my journals

"In vino veritas..."

I am a dreamer and when I wake, you can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take

- mixed media on paper from journals -

"Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your hand.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I am a dreamer and when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bare my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow..."

- Sacha Skarbek, sung by James Blunt 

so many dreams...
direct messages...

pretending

- 2013 watercolor from the series titled "A Thousand Kisses Deep" -

"I saw you last night at the gathering,

but could not take you openly in my arms,

so I put my lips next to your cheek,

pretending to talk privately." - RUMI