patiently waiting

"I will be waiting here

for your silence to break

for your soul to shake

for your love to wake." - RUMI

your effulgence

- what is on your desk? -

From the beginning of my life

I have been looking for your face

but today I have seen it

Today I have seen

the charm, the beauty,

the unfathomable grace

of the face

that I was looking for

Today I have found you

and those who laughed

and scorned me yesterday

are sorry that they were not looking

as I did

I am bewildered by the magnificence

of your beauty

and wish to see you

with a hundred eyes

My heart has burned with passion

and has searched forever

for this wondrous beauty

that I now behold

I am ashamed

to call this love human

and afraid of God

to call it divine

Your fragrant breath

like the morning breeze

has come to the stillness of the garden

You have breathed new life into me

I have become your sunshine

and also your shadow

My soul is screaming in ecstasy

Every fiber of my being

is in love with you

Your effulgence

has lit a fire in my heart

and you have made radiant

for me

the earth and sky

My arrow of love

has arrived at the target

I am in the house of mercy

and my heart

is a place of prayer

- RUMI

I begin my days with poetry and prayer, meditation and yoga...

melt me down

"...and what I am to you is not real,

what I am to you, you do not need,

what I am to you is not what you mean to me,

you give me miles and miles of mountains,

and I'll ask for the sea.

don't throw yourself like that,

in front of me.

I kissed your mouth, your back,

is that all you need?

don't drag my love around,

volcanoes melt me down.

...what I give to you is just what I'm going through,

there is nothing new, no, no just another phase of finding,

what I really need is what makes me bleed...

I kissed your mouth,

you do not need me."

- Damien Rice

squeezing drops

- 2013 mixed media on canvas from a series exploring painting as poetry and meditation -

"Keep squeezing drops of the Sun

from your prayers and work and music

and from your companion's beautiful laughter.

Keep squeezing drops of the Sun -

from the sacred hands and glance of your Beloved

and, my dear,

from the most insignificant movements

of your own holy body."

- HAFIZ

bring your cup near me

"I know the way you can get when you have not had a drink of Love;  your face hardens, your sweet muscles cramp.

Children become concerned about a strange look that appears in your eyes which even begins to worry your own mirror and nose.

Cats sense your sadness and call in an important conference in a tall tree.  They decide which secret code to chant to help your mind and soul.

Even angels fear that brand of madness that arrays itself against the world and throws sharp stones and spears into the innocent and into one's self.

Oh I know that way you can get if you have not been drinking Love: 

 - You might rip apart every sentence your friends and teachers say, looking for hidden clauses. 

 - You might weigh every word on a scale like a dead fish. 

 - You might pull out a ruler to measure from every angle in your darkness the beautiful dimensions of a heart you once trusted.

I know the way you can get if you have not had a drink from Love's hands.

That is why all the Great Ones speak of the vital need to keep remembering God, so you will come to know and see Him as being so giving and wanting, just wanting to help.

That is why Hafiz says,

"Bring your cup near me, for a I am a Sweet Old Vagabond with an infinite leaking barrel of Light and Laughter and Truth that the Beloved has tied to my back.  Dear One, indeed, please bring your heart near me.  For all I care about is quenching your thirst for freedom!  All a sane man can ever care about is giving LOVE!"

- my beloved HAFIZ

mixed media on paper

those kisses you sent

"Those kisses you sent, I found them wandering around the house. 

They were acting a little lost, not knowing exactly where I was. 

I was busy upstairs. 

But now we are all having tea and talking about you, and wishing you were here. 

And they imparted all you intended. They did well. 

One more thing: I have seen you at your best and at your worst; still you are always welcome near me."

- my beloved HAFIZ 

detail from mixed media on canvas, 2017

ecstatic tears

"There is no spot on earth that ever became sacred until something danced there; maybe it was just an atom or two.

Strange now the seriousness I see around the shrines of perfect saints whose feet were once wept ecstatic tears as they moved upon the sun they saw beneath our every step.

There is no place in existence that ever became sacred until something sang there, even be it just a molecule. That is enough. I hear they croon all the time."

- my beloved HAFIZ

detail from a 2013 watercolor on paper in a private collection 

mujer volcan

- 2013 mixed media -

Volcano Woman,

igniting the world.

Volcano Mother,

birthing new beginnings.

Volcano Goddess,

purifying the soul.

light of understanding has made me more discreet

el me llamó y me contó lo siguiente:

"So I took her to the river.

I thought she wasn't married,

but she had a husband.

It was St. James' eve,

and almost as if agreed.

The streetlights went out,

the crickets went on.

At the far edge of town

I touched her sleeping breasts.

They opened to me suddenly

like fronds of hyacinth.

The starch of her petticoat

made a sound in my ears 

like a piece of silk

being ripped by ten knives.

Silver light gone from their leaves,

the trees have grown bigger,

and a horizon of dogs

barks far from the river.

Out beyond the rambles,

the hawthorns and reeds,

beneath her mane of hair

I made a hollow in the sedge.

I took off my necktie.

She took off her dress.

I, my belt and pistol.

She, four bodices.

No silken shell or spikenard

is finer than her skin,

nor did moons or mirrors

ever glow like this.

Her thighs eluded me

like startled fish,

one half filled with fire,

the other half with cold.

That night the road I ran

was the finest of them all,

without a bridle or stirrup

on a filly made of pearl.

As a man, I won't repeat

the things she said to me.

The light of understanding 

has made me more discreet.

I took her from the river

spiked with kisses and sand.

The sabers of the irises

were stabbing at the breeze.

I behaved as what I am.

A true-born gypsy.

I gave her a sewing basket 

made of straw-gold satin,

and refused to fall in love

because she had a husband,

though she said she wasn't married

when I took her to the river."

- Federico Garcia Lorca

pearls of wisdom

I asked for wisdom and my beloved HAFIZ answered:

"One of the dumbest things you can do is backbite an animal or a human being. 

Reason is: Besides the fact that an animal who is feeling grouchy that day might bite you back...

Whenever you speak ill of any living creature something of their shadow might fall on you.

Some unwanted impressions of theirs couldn't spill on your floor, 

and I imagine you are busy enough trying to keep things tidy."

- HAFIZ

snapshot - endless pearls with vintage silks and signature bronze sculpture

forgiving and blessings

detail from silk pouch in a private collection 2009

those with long tongues talk and talk
yet say NOTHING of importance

those with envious hearts talk and talk
and bury themselves in mud-like energy

forgiving and blessing
those with long tongues and envious hearts

from my 2009 journals and resonating with me these days

never anything forced

"How nice, I remember thinking. It will be so much fun to have Barry as a friend. I certainly didn't think we were going to fall in love...

Our relationship was unique from day one and quite unexplainable...I was overwhelmed by the way he loved me...gave into me, trusted me blindly, and loved me unconditionally...Never, ever, even for a second, under any circumstances, has he not been there for me. And that's pretty amazing. 

There was passion between us; love, support, honesty. There was never anything forced between us...the way he loves me is true and unique."

- Diane Von Furstenberg

detail from painted silk, circa 2003 or 2004

deep inside

"...but even so, just as he starts to leave, when he notices a bit of dirt under his thumbnail, he stops to scrub it out. Although she has never complained at all about his grubby appearance whenever he came in tired from the digs and sat drinking with her, she might feel differently now that she is going to take him upstairs.

He is glad to see the show again because it gives him time to anticipate and dream, to build up to a private finale. Though he doesn't fool himself. She has to have known for a while how much he thinks of her, and yet, kind as she always was when he told her all his troubles, he knows she has another regular man, more sophisticated, more of her world. As one more time he watches the extraordinary grace with which she dances, all that gauzy fabric whirling around her, his longing has a different quality now that he knows his desire will soon be met...

...But it is not just the mechanics of what she does that impressed him. He has all he longed for now, even what he never quite understood before that he wanted. It is not just that she had made him happy. He is laughing to find himself lighter than air. And she has given him a deeper pleasure, too; as if reaching into the center of who he is, she has mined the gold that was deep inside."

- Susan Griffin

just what to do

"Well, he walked up to me and he asked me if I wanted to dance.

He looked kinda nice and so I said I might take a chance.

When he danced he held me tight.

And when he walked me home that night, all the stars were shining bright.

And then he kissed me.

Each time I saw him I couldn't wait to see him again.

I wanted to let him know that he was more than a friend.

I didn't know just what to do,
So I whispered I love you.

And he said that he loved me too
And then he kissed me.

He kissed me in a way that I've never been kissed before,
He kissed me in a way that I wanna be kissed forever more.

I knew that he was mine so I gave him all the love that I had.

And one day he took me home to meet his mon and his dad.

Then he asked me to be his bride,
And always be right by his side.

I felt so happy I almost cried
And then he kissed me..."

- Phil Spector, Ellie Greenwich & Jeff Barry

my lips, selfie from today 

incomplete

"Every heart sings a song, incomplete, until another heart whispers back. Those who wish to sing always find a song. At the touch of a lover, everyone becomes a poet." - Plato

mixed media on canvas, circa 2001, in a private collection 

feel alive

"...loving can hurt sometimes, but it's the only thing that I know...it is the only thing that makes us feel alive. 

We keep this love in a photograph. We made these memories for ourselves, where our eyes are never closing, hearts are never broken, and times are forever frozen still.

So you can keep me inside the pocket of your ripped jeans, holding me closer until our eyes meet, you won't ever be alone - wait for me to come home.

Loving can heal. Loving can mend your soul and is the only thing that I know. I swear it will get easier. Remember that with every piece of you, and it's the only thing we take with us when we die.

...I will remember how you kissed me...hearing you whisper..."

- Ed Sheeran

snapshot - ideas, pearls, feathers and crystals on my desk 

dream a little dream

Stars shining bright above you,

Night breezes seem to whisper "I love you"

Birds singing in the sycamore tree,
Dream a little dream of me.

Say "Night-ie night" and kiss me,

Just hold me tight and tell me you'll miss me.

While I'm alone and blue as can be,

Dream a little dream of me.

Stars fading, but I linger on, dear
Still craving your kiss
I'm longing to linger till dawn, dear
Just saying this

Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you
Sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you
But in your dreams whatever they be
Dream a little dream of me

Stars fading, but I linger on, dear
Still craving your kiss
I'm longing to linger till dawn, dear
Just saying this

Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you
Sweet dreams that leave all worries far behind you
But in your dreams whatever they be
Dream a little dream of me.."

Songwriters: Fabian Andre, Gus Kahn, and Wilbur Schwandt

the joy of how you whisper

“I want to see you. 

Know your voice. 

Recognize you when you first come 'round the corner. 

Sense your scent when I come into a room you've just left. 

Know the lift of your heel, the glide of your foot. 

Become familiar with the way you purse your lips then let them part, just the slightest bit, when I lean in to your space and kiss you.

I want to know the joy of how you whisper "more”... 

- RUMI

Toni Morrison on LOVE

Love is never any better than the lover.

Don’t beg anybody for anything, especially love.

Could you really love somebody who was absolutely nobody without you? You really want somebody like that? Somebody who falls apart when you walk out the door? You don’t, do you?

To get to a place where you could love anything you chose, not to need permission for desire, well now that was freedom.

Love is divine only and difficult always. If you think it is easy you are a fool. If you think it is natural you are blind.

Something that is loved is never lost.

- Toni Morrison 

mi Estrella Maruca

my exquisite paternal grandmother 

I wrote, or rather channeled, a poem-story on the day she transitioned.

I am working on illustrating and publishing, "Estrella Maruca."

ya nuestra intimidad es tan inmensa

Soñamos juntos
juntos despertamos
el tiempo hace o deshace
mientras tanto
no le importan tu sueño
ni mi sueño
somos torpes
o demasiado cautos
pensamos que no cae
esa gaviota
creemos que es eterno
este conjuro
que la batalla es nuestra
o de ninguno
juntos vivimos
sucumbimos juntos
pero esa destrucción
es una broma
un detalle una ráfaga
un vestigio
un abrirse y cerrarse
el paraíso
ya nuestra intimidad
es tan inmensa
que la muerte la esconde
en su vacío
quiero que me relates
el duelo que te callas
por mi parte te ofrezco
mi última confianza
estás sola
estoy solo
pero a veces
puede la soledad
ser una llama.

Mario Benedetti 

avatar goddess

avatar goddess...

still making love in my secret life

"I saw you this morning.
You were moving so fast.
Can’t seem to loosen my grip -
on the past. 

And we’re still making love
In My Secret Life.

I smile when I’m angry.
I cheat and I lie.

I do what I have to do to get by.

But I know what is wrong,
And I know what is right.

And I’d die for the truth
In My Secret Life...

...I bite my lip.

I buy what I’m told:

from the latest hit,

to the wisdom of old.

But I’m always alone.

And my heart is like ice.

And it’s crowded and cold.

In My Secret Life."

-  Leonard Cohen (1934-2016)

gnawing hunger

A corner of my home...a mountain of books, endless pearls, healing crystals, a stone carving found at a flea market decades ago...and the prototype of one of my first books in print...

My home is my studio. 

My home is my temple.

"From as far back as I can remember, I was obsessed by a gnawing hunger for rituals of spirit." 

- Gabrielle Roth

a gnawing hunger...

what do you hunger for?

eleven

celebrating 11 years of blessed motherhood...

and then soul

"it's a lip thing with you.

the first time we met i could not

take my eyes off them.

you probably thought you had something 

in your teeth with the way i was staring.

i know their curvature like the reminiscent

smell of my mother.

give me a photograph of every mouth in the

world and i will pick yours out without question.

i do not have a religion but if i did it

would be them...

...they are what roses and mountains and oceans

could only hope to be.

with you it's a lip thing.

and then it became a heart thing.

and then soul.

and then all."

- Christopher Poindexter

nada es eterno

Qué intenso es esto del amor

Qué garra tiene el corazón, sí
Jamás pensé que sucediera así

Bendita toda conexión
Entre tu alma y mi voz, sí
Jamás creí que me iba a suceder a mí

Por fin lo puedo sentir
Te conozco y te reconozco que por fin
Sé lo que es vivir
Con un suspiro en el pecho
Con cosquillas por dentro
Y por fin sé por qué estoy así

Tú me has hecho mejor, mejor de lo que era
Y entregaría mi voz a cambio de una vida entera

Tú me has hecho entender que aquí nada es eterno
Pero tu piel y mi piel pueden detener el tiempo, oh

No he parado de pensar
Hasta dónde soy capaz de llegar
Ya que mi vida está en tus manos y en tu boca

Me he convertido en lo que nunca imaginé
Has dividido en dos mi alma y mi ser
Porque una parte va contigo aunque a veces no lo sepas ver

Por fin lo puedo sentir
Te conozco y te reconozco que por fin
Sé lo que es vivir
Con un suspiro en el pecho
Y con cosquillas por dentro
Por fin sé por qué estoy así

Tú me has hecho mejor, mejor de lo que era
Y entregaría mi voz a cambio de una vida entera

Tú me has hecho entender que aquí nada es eterno
Pero tu piel y mi piel pueden detener el tiempo, oh

Mejor de lo que era
Aquí nada es eterno

- Pablo Alborán