the mythical lover

"My love for you has driven me insane. I wander aimlessly the ruins of my life, my old self a stranger to me. Because of your love, I have broken with my past. My longing for you keeps me in this moment. My passion gives me courage. I look for you in my innermost being. I used to read the myths of love. Now I have become the mythical lover." - RUMI

antique bronze Venus wears one of my pieces created for the mythical lover within each of us

harsh and exciting over and over

"You do not have to be good.

You do not have to walk on your knees

for a hundred miles through the desert repenting.

You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.

Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.

Meanwhile the world goes on.

Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain are moving across the landscapes, over the prairies and the deep trees, the mountains and the rivers.

Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air, are heading home again.

Whoever you are, no matter how lonely, the world offers itself to your imagination, calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting over and over announcing your place in the family of things."

- Mary Oliver

a small corner of my world 

kneeling at your feet

"Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your hand.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I am a dreamer and when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bare my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow..."

- Sacha Skarbek, sung by James Blunt 

tremble

"I want to fall in love in such a way that the mere sight of a man, even a block away from me, will shake and pierce me, will weaken me, and make me tremble and soften and melt."

- Anais Nin

compulsive impulse to write

I have kept a journal for decades. I cannot remember a time when I was not writing.

I have been sharing favorite quotes, songs and excerpts from my journals on this public blog since 2007. I am finally feeling ready to publish some of my poetry and personal mythology in print...and I came upon these insightful words:

"The impulse to write things down is a peculiarly compulsive one, inexplicable to those who do not share it, useful only accidentally, only secondarily, in the way that any compulsion tries to justify itself. I suppose that it begins or does not begin in the cradle. Although I have felt compelled to write things down since I was five years old, I doubt that my daughter ever will, for she is a singularly blessed and accepting child, delighted with life exactly as life presents itself to her, unafraid to go to sleep and unafraid to wake up. Keepers of private notebooks are a different breed altogether, lonely and resistant rearrangers of things, anxious malcontents, children afflicted apparently at birth with some presentiment of loss."

- Joan Didion

snapshot: a corner of my home

love is touching souls

Just before our love got lost you said -

"I am as constant as a northern star" and I said, 

"Constantly in the darkness -
Where's that at?...

Oh you are in my blood like holy wine -
You taste so bitter -
And so sweet oh -
I could drink a case of you,

darling and I would -
Still be on my feet -
Oh I would still be on my feet -

Oh I am a lonely painter -
I live in a box of paints -
I'm frightened by the devil -
And I'm drawn to those ones that ain't afraid -

I remember that time that you told me, you said -
"Love is touching souls" -
Surely you touched mine 'cause -
Part of you pours out of me -
In these lines from time to time -

Oh you are in my blood like holy wine -
You taste so bitter -
And so sweet oh -
I could drink a case of you darling -
Still I'd be on my feet -
I would still be on my feet -

I met a woman -
She had a mouth like yours, she knew your life -
She knew your devils and your deeds,

and she said -
"Go to him -
stay with him if you can -
But be prepared to bleed..."

- Joni Mitchell (circa 1971)

 

piensas en mí

"Si tienes un hondo penar -
Piensa en mí;
Si tienes ganas de llorar -
Piensa en mí.
Ya ves que venero
Tu imagen divina,
Tu párvula boca
Que siendo tan niña,
Me enseñó a besar.

Piensa en mí -
Cuando sufras,
Cuando llores
También piensa en mí.

Cuando quieras
Quitarme la vida,
No la quiero para nada,
Para nada me sirve sin ti."

- Agustín Lara y María Teresa Lara

te mando un beso 

a media noche 

estoy despierta 

pensandote 

siento tus pensamientos 

piensas en mí 

shouting their bad advice

"One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you  
kept shouting 
their bad advice -
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations -
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice,
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do -
determined to save
the only life that you could save."

- Mary Oliver

seeing clearly

on this dark new moon

severing ties

- their projections 

- their fear of the truth

- their narcissism 

- their judgement 

bless them all 

teachers, mirrors, disguised demons

dripping down my chin

"do not choose the lesser life.
do you hear me.
do you hear me.
choose the life that is. yours.
the life that is seducing your lungs.
that is dripping down your chin.” 

- Nayyirah Waheed

overflow

"Before, as soon as I came home from all sorts of places I would sit down and write in my journal. 

Now I want to write you, talk with you...

For me it is all symphonic, and I am so aroused by living...in you alone I have found the same swelling of enthusiasm, the same quick rising of the blood, the fullness... 

Before, I almost used to think there was something wrong. Everybody else seemed to have the brakes on... I never feel the brakes. I overflow. And when I feel your excitement about life flaring, next to mine, then it makes me dizzy..." 

- Anais Nin

una madurez deliciosamente mía

"La edad me esta recreando. Un rostro desconocido empieza a aparecer sobre mi rostro. Cada día, en vez de la semblanza a la que estoy habituada, otra mujer se asoma en el espejo y me mira desde una madurez que aún no reconozco como mia." 

- Gioconda Belli

mi alma no tiene edad...pero la edad me esta recreando con una madurez deliciosamente mía...y no tengo tiempo para cosas (o personas) sin almas...

"Understand me...I live in another dimension and I do not have time for things that have no soul..." 

- C. Bukowski 

telegraph to your soul

"Every time I think of you 

I always catch my breath 

And I'm still standing here 

And you're miles away 

And I'm wondering why you left

And there's a storm that's raging

Through my frozen heart tonight

I hear your name in certain circles

And it always makes me smile

I spend my time

Thinking about you

And it's almost driving me wild

And there's a heart that's breaking

Down this long distance line tonight

I ain't missing you at all

Since you've been gone away

I ain't missing you

No matter what I might say

There's a message in the wire

And I'm sending you this signal tonight

You don't know

How desperate I've become

And it looks like I'm losing this fight

In your world

I have no meaning

Though I'm trying hard to understand

And it's my heart that's breaking

Down this long distance line tonight

I ain't missing you at all

Since you've been gone away

I ain't missing you

No matter what my friends say

And there's a message that I'm sending out

Like a telegraph to your soul

And if I can't bridge this distance

Stop this heartbreak overload

I ain't missing you at all

Since you've been gone away

I ain't missing you

No matter what my friends say

I ain't missing you

I ain't missing you

I can lie to myself

And there's a storm that's raging

Through my frozen heart tonight

I ain't missing you at all

Since you've been gone away

I ain't missing you

No matter what my friends say

Ain't missing you

I ain't missing you

I ain't missing you

I can lie to myself

Ain't missing you...

No matter what my friends might say

I ain't missing you..."

- John Waite

silent devotion

"light reflects from your shadow,
it is more than I thought could exist,
you move through the room,
like breathing was easy,
if someone believed me,

they would be,
as in love with you as I am,
they would be,
as in love with you as I am,
they would be,
as in love with you as I am,
they would be,
in love, love, love...

and everyday,
I'm learning about you,
the things that no one else sees,
and the end comes too soon,
like dreaming of angels,

and leaving without them,

and with words unspoken,
a silent devotion,
I know you know what I mean,
and the end is unknown,
but I think I'm ready,
as long as you're with me,

being
as in love with you as I am
as in love, love, love..." 
- Romy Madley Croft

put on your red shoes

"Let's dance -

Put on your red shoes and dance the blues -

Let's dance -

To the song they're playin' on the radio -

Let's sway -

While color lights up your face -

Let's sway -

Sway through the crowd to an empty space -

If you say run
I'll run with you
And if you say hide
We'll hide
Because my love for you
Would break my heart in two
If you should fall into my arms
And tremble like a flower

Let's dance
Let's dance
For fear your grace should fall
Let's dance
For fear tonight is all
Let's sway
You could look into my eyes
Let's sway
Under the moonlight, this serious moonlight

And if you say run
I'll run with you
And if you say hide
We'll hide
Because my love for you
Would break my heart in two
If you should fall into my arms
And tremble like a flower

Let's dance
Put on your red shoes and dance the blues
Let's sway
Under the moonlight, this serious moonlight
Let's dance
Let's dance
Let's dance, dance, dance..."

- David Bowie

detail from a snapshot I took this morning of my little dancer in her striped pajamas and red shoes 

Antioco Sacasa-Sarria

My brilliant grandfather whose soft, melodic voice I hear in my mind and in dreams, was born on this day in the year 1913. 

My beloved fellow Libran with eyes the color of skies...

Papa-Coco...

he moved her chemically

"Her heart sank into her shoes as she realized at last how much she wanted him. No matter what his past was, no matter what he had done. Which was not to say that she would ever let him know, but only that he moved her chemically more than anyone she had ever met, that all other men seemed pale beside him." 

- F. Scott Fitzgerald 

snapshot: Roman Imperial Rosso AnticoTorso, circa 1st century A.D.

rhino skin and elephant balls

"You need rhino skin

If you're gonna begin

To walk

Through this world

You need elephant balls

If you don't want to crawl

On your hands

Through this world

Oh my love if I reveal

Every secret I've concealed

How many thoughts would you steal

How much of my pain would you feel

You need eagles wings

To get over things

That make no sense

In this world

You need rhino skin

If you're gonna pretend

You're not hurt by this world

If you listen long enough

You can hear my skin grow tough

Love is painful to the touch

Must be made of stronger stuff

You need rhino skin

To get to the end

Of the maze through this world

You need rhino skin

Or you're gonna give in

To the needles and pins

The arrows of sin

The evils of men

You need rhino skin..."

- Tom Petty

your presence

"...I don't know how to tell you what I feel. I live in perpetual expectancy. You come and the time slips away in a dream. It is only when you go that I realize completely your presence. And then it is too late. You numb me...I don't know what to expect of you, but it is something in the way of a miracle. I am going to demand everything of you - even the impossible, because you encourage it. You are really strong. I even like your deceit, your treachery. It seems aristocratic to me." 

- Henry Miller 

desde el pie hasta el alma

"Porque te tengo y no -

porque te pienso -

porque la noche está de ojos abiertos -

porque la noche pasa y digo amor -

porque has venido a recoger tu imagen -

y eres mejor que todas tus imágenes -

porque eres linda desde el pie hasta el alma -

porque eres buena desde el alma a mi -

porque te escondes dulce en el orgullo -

pequeña y dulce -

corazón coraza -

porque eres mía -

porque no eres mía -

porque te miro y muero -

y peor que muero -

si no te miro amor -

si no te miro - 

porque tu siempre existes dondequiera -

pero existes mejor donde te quiero -

porque tu boca es sangre -

y tienes frío -

tengo que amarte amor -

tengo que amarte -

aunque esta herida duela como dos -

y aunque -

la noche pase y yo te tenga -

y no."

- Mario Benedetti 

valor and daring

"Your love 

should never be offered 

to the mouth of a stranger,

Only to someone who has 

the valor and daring 

to cut pieces of their soul off with a knife

then weave them into a blanket

to protect you."

- my beloved Hafiz

un baile silencioso

"Yo tuve un amor atlántico
y me converti en sirena
y en mi carne morena
sentí el calor
silbando fuerte a mi alrededor
y tuve un amor lunatico
y me converti en planeta
y estuvimos dando vueltas
en un baile silencioso
las estrellas calladas
como nosotros
y ahora tengo un amor
que es un calor
que navega su aire en el viento
que conoce mis buenos momentos, mis males
y el sabor de mis puntos cardinales
yo tuve un amor antártico
y la nieve me esperaba
noche y dia fría, helada
pero a mi no me importaba
porque el hielo conservaba nuestro ardor
y ahora tengo un amor
que es un calor
que navega su aire en el viento
que conoce mis buenos momentos, mis males
y el sabor de mis puntos cardinales..." 

- Ana Torroja

dile que lo quiero

may tonight's full moon grant you mystical dreams, tell you a story or sing you a love song...

"...Luna que se quiebra sobre la tiniebla 

de mi soledad, a dondé vas?

Dime si esta noche, tú te vas de ronda
como el se fué. Con quién está?

Dile que lo quiero, dile que me muero
de tanto esperar. Que vuelva ya..."

- Agustín Lara

my love

"When the rain is blowing in your face,

And the whole world is on your case,

I could offer you a warm embrace,

To make you feel my love.

When the evening shadows and the stars appear,

And there is no one there to dry your tears,

I could hold you for a million years

To make you feel my love.

I know you haven't made your mind up yet, but I will never do you wrong.

I've known it from the moment that we met, no doubt in my mind where you belong.

I'd go hungry; I'd go black and blue,

And I'd go crawling down the avenue.

No, there's nothing that I wouldn't do

To make you feel my love.

The storms are raging on the rolling sea

And on the highway of regret.

The winds of change are blowing wild and free,

You ain't seen nothing like me yet.

I could make you happy, make your dreams come true.

Nothing that I wouldn't do.

Go to the ends of the Earth for you,

To make you feel my love..."

- Bob Dylan 

one day

"You and I will meet again -

When we're least expecting it -

One day in some far off place -

I will recognize your face -

I won't say goodbye my friend -

For you and I will meet again."

- Tom Petty (1950-2017)

the joy of everything else

"If my world were to cave in tomorrow, I would look back on all the pleasures, excitements and worthwhilenesses I have been lucky enough to have had. Not the sadness, not my miscarriages or my father leaving home, but the joy of everything else. It will have been enough."

- Audrey Hepburn (1929-1993)

mixed media on paper

vibrate love

mixed media on wood, 2009


so much sorrow
so much suffering
how can we heal our planet?

let us begin with
inner peace
so that we may
vibrate love

let us be conscious
of everything we consume
news, food, conversations
are these bringing us closer to peace?

"It is not that I do not wish to mix with others, but living alone in freedom is a better path for me. When I think about the misery of those in this world, their sadness becomes mine. Oh, that my monk's robe was wide enough to gather up all the suffering people in this floating world."

- Ryōkan Taigu (1758–1831)