HER-story:

With words and images, I am telling my story. Through art, through sculpture, I am remembering HERstory...
CASIMIRA

Tuesday, October 31

halloween


"Halloween is an ancient druidic holiday, one the Celtic peoples have celebrated for millennia. It is the crack between the last golden rays of summer and the dark of winter; the delicately balanced tweak of the year before it is given over entirely to the dark; a time for the souls of the departed to squint, to peek and perhaps to travel through the gap. What could be more thrilling and worthy of celebration than that? It is a time to celebrate sweet bounty, as the harvest is brought in. It is a time of excitement and pleasure for children before the dark sets in. We should all celebrate that."

- Jenny Colgan



Monday, October 30

cuando, como y donde?


"Siempre que te pregunto,
Que cuando como y donde,
Tu siempre me respondes;
Quizas, quizas, quizas.

Y asi pasan los dias,
Y yo desesperando,
Y tu, tu contestando;
Quizas, quizas, quizas.

Estas perdiendo el tiempo,
Pensando, pensando,
Por lo que mas tu quieras,
Hasta cuando, hasta cuando?

Y asi pasan los dias,
Y yo desesperando,
Y tu, tu contestando;
Quizas, quizas, quizas."
- Osvaldo Farres

snapshot: Cleopatra marble carving by William Wetmore Story (1819-1895)

Sunday, October 29

el sabor del poco a poco


"A fuego lento tu mirada -

A fuego lento tú o nada -

Vamos fraguando esta locura -

Con la fuerza de los vientos y calor de la ternura -

Sigue el camino del cortejo -

A fuego lento a fuego viejo -

Sigue avivando nuestra llama -

Con todo lo que te quiero y lo mucho que me amas -

A fuego lento me haces agua -

Contigo tengo el alma enamorada -

Me llenas, me vacías, me desarmas -

Ay ay ay amor cuando me amas -

A fuego lento revoltosas -

Caricias que parecen mariposas -

Se cuelan por debajo de la ropa - 

Y van dejando el sentimiento amor forjado a fuego lento -

A fuego lento mi cintura -

A fuego lento y con lisura -

Vamos tramando este alboroto -

Con la danza de los mares y el sabor del poco a poco -

Sigo el camino del cortejo -

A fuego lento a fuego añejo -

Sigo avivando en nuestra llama -

Tantos días como sueños, tantos sueños que no acaban.."

- Rosana Arbelo

Saturday, October 28

te confieso

“Te confieso que no tengo un instante sin pensar en ti, que cuanto como y bebo tiene tu sabor, que la vida eres tú a toda hora y en todas partes. Que el gozo supremo de mi corazón sería morirme contigo. -¿Y ahora? - Ahora nada - Me basta con lo que sepas."

- Gabriel Garcia Marquez



Friday, October 27

wild woman


"Under the tutelage of Wild Woman we reclaim the ancient, the intuitive, and the passionate. When our lives reflect hers, we act cohesively. We carry through, or learn to if we don't already know how. We take the steps to make our ideas manifest in the world. We regain focus when we lose it, attend to personal rhythms, draw closer to friends and mates who are in accord with wildish and integral rhythms. We choose relationships that nurture our creative and instinctive lives. We reach our to nurture others. And we are willing to teach receptive mates about wildish rhythms if need be.

But there is another aspect to mastery, and that is dealing with what can only be called women's rage. The release of that rage is required. Once women remember the origins of their rage, they feel they may never stop grinding their teeth. Ironically, we also feel very anxious to disperse our rage, for it feels distressing and noxious. We wish to hurry up and do away with it.

But repressing it will not work. It is like trying to put fire into a burlap bag. Neither is it good to scald ourselves or someone else with it. So there we are holding a powerful emotion that we feel came upon us unbidden. It is a little like toxic waste; there it is, no one wants it, but there are few disposal areas for it. One has to travel far in order to find a burial ground...

...All emotion, even rage, carries knowledge, insight, what some call enlightenment. Our rage can, for a time, become teacher...a thing not to be rid of so fast, but rather something to climb the mountain for, something to personify via various images in order to learn from, deal with internally, then shape into something useful in the world as a result, or else let it go back down to dust. In a cohesive life, rage is not a stand-alone item. It is a substance waiting for our transformative efforts. The cycle of rage is like any other cycle; it rises, falls, dies and is released as new energy. Attention to the matter of rage begins the process of transformation.

Allowing oneself to be taught by one's rage, thereby transforming it, disperses it. One's energy returns to use in other areas, especially the area of creativity. Although some people claim they can create out of their chronic rage, the problem is that rage confines access to the collective unconscious - that infinite reservoir of imaginal images and thoughts - so that a person creating out of rage tends to create the same thing over and over again, with nothing new coming through. Untransformed rage can become a constant mantra about how oppressed, hurt and tortured we were...

...Rage corrodes our trust that anything good can occur. Something has happened to hope. And behind the loss of hope is usually anger; behind anger, pain; behind pain, usually torture of one sort or another, sometimes recent, but more often from long ago.

In physical post-trauma work, we know that the sooner injury is dealt with, the less its effect spread or worsen. Also the more quickly a trauma is contained and dealt with, the faster the recovery time. This is true for psychological trauma as well. What condition would we be in if we'd broken a leg as a child, and thirty years later it still had not been properly set?

...There is a life beyond thoughtless rage...it takes a conscious practice to contain and heal such. But we can do it. It truly takes only climbing through one step at a time.

So rather than trying to "behave" and not feel our rage or rather than using it to burn down every living thing in a hundred-mile radius, it is better to first ask rage to take a seat with us, have some tea, talk a while so we can find out what summoned this visitor. At first rage...it doesn't want to talk, it doesn't want to eat, just wants to sit there and stare, or rail, or be left alone. It is this critical point that we call the healer, our wisest self, our best resources for seeing beyond ego irritation and aggravation. The healer is always the "far-seer." She is the one who can tell us what good can come from exploring this emotive surge."

- Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Ph.D

remembering Seotember 27th:  one month ago seems like an eternity and still so raw...

my beloved daughter turns 18 months old today...



Thursday, October 26

the mythical lover


"My love for you has driven me insane. I wander aimlessly the ruins of my life, my old self a stranger to me. Because of your love, I have broken with my past. My longing for you keeps me in this moment. My passion gives me courage. I look for you in my innermost being. I used to read the myths of love. Now I have become the mythical lover." - RUMI

antique bronze Venus wears one of my pieces created for the mythical lover within each of us




Wednesday, October 25

harsh and exciting over and over


"You do not have to be good.

You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert repenting.

You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.

Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.

Meanwhile the world goes on.

Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain are moving across the landscapes, over the prairies and the deep trees, the mountains and the rivers.

Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air, are heading home again.

Whoever you are, no matter how lonely, the world offers itself to your imagination, calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting over and over announcing your place in the family of things."

- Mary Oliver

a small corner of my world 






Tuesday, October 24

kneeling at your feet


"Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your hand.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I am a dreamer and when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bare my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow..."

- Sacha Skarbek, sung by James Blunt 



Monday, October 23

tremble


"I want to fall in love in such a way that the mere sight of a man, even a block away from me, will shake and pierce me, will weaken me, and make me tremble and soften and melt."

- Anais Nin



Sunday, October 22

compulsive impulse to write


I have kept a journal for decades. I cannot remember a time when I was not writing.

I have been sharing favorite quotes, songs and excerpts from my journals on this public blog since 2007. I am finally feeling ready to publish some of my poetry and personal mythology in print...and I came upon these insightful words:

"The impulse to write things down is a peculiarly compulsive one, inexplicable to those who do not share it, useful only accidentally, only secondarily, in the way that any compulsion tries to justify itself. I suppose that it begins or does not begin in the cradle. Although I have felt compelled to write things down since I was five years old, I doubt that my daughter ever will, for she is a singularly blessed and accepting child, delighted with life exactly as life presents itself to her, unafraid to go to sleep and unafraid to wake up. Keepers of private notebooks are a different breed altogether, lonely and resistant rearrangers of things, anxious malcontents, children afflicted apparently at birth with some presentiment of loss."
- Joan Didion

snapshot: a corner of my home



Saturday, October 21

love is touching souls


Just before our love got lost you said -

"I am as constant as a northern star" and I said, 

"Constantly in the darkness -
Where's that at?...

Oh you are in my blood like holy wine -
You taste so bitter -
And so sweet oh -
I could drink a case of you,

darling and I would -
Still be on my feet -
Oh I would still be on my feet -

Oh I am a lonely painter -
I live in a box of paints -
I'm frightened by the devil -
And I'm drawn to those ones that ain't afraid -

I remember that time that you told me, you said -
"Love is touching souls" -
Surely you touched mine 'cause -
Part of you pours out of me -
In these lines from time to time -

Oh you are in my blood like holy wine -
You taste so bitter -
And so sweet oh -
I could drink a case of you darling -
Still I'd be on my feet -
I would still be on my feet -

I met a woman -
She had a mouth like yours, she knew your life -
She knew your devils and your deeds,

and she said -
"Go to him -
stay with him if you can -
But be prepared to bleed..."

- Joni Mitchell (circa 1971)



 

Friday, October 20

piensas en mí


"Si tienes un hondo penar -
Piensa en mí;
Si tienes ganas de llorar -
Piensa en mí.
Ya ves que venero
Tu imagen divina,
Tu párvula boca
Que siendo tan niña,
Me enseñó a besar.
Piensa en mí -
Cuando sufras,
Cuando llores
También piensa en mí.
Cuando quieras
Quitarme la vida,
No la quiero para nada,
Para nada me sirve sin ti."
- Agustín Lara y María Teresa Lara

te mando un beso 
a media noche 
estoy despierta 
pensandote 
siento tus pensamientos 
piensas en mí 



Thursday, October 19

shouting their bad advice


"One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you  
kept shouting 
their bad advice -
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations -
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice,
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do -
determined to save
the only life that you could save."

- Mary Oliver

seeing clearly
on this dark new moon

severing ties
- their projections 
- their fear of the truth
- their narcissism 
- their judgement 

bless them all 
teachers, mirrors, disguised demons



Wednesday, October 18

dripping down my chin


"do not choose the lesser life.
do you hear me.
do you hear me.
choose the life that is. yours.
the life that is seducing your lungs.
that is dripping down your chin.” 

- Nayyirah Waheed




Tuesday, October 17

overflow


"Before, as soon as I came home from all sorts of places I would sit down and write in my journal. 

Now I want to write you, talk with you...

For me it is all symphonic, and I am so aroused by living...in you alone I have found the same swelling of enthusiasm, the same quick rising of the blood, the fullness... 

Before, I almost used to think there was something wrong. Everybody else seemed to have the brakes on... I never feel the brakes. I overflow. And when I feel your excitement about life flaring, next to mine, then it makes me dizzy..." 

- Anais Nin



Monday, October 16

una madurez deliciosamente mía


"La edad me esta recreando. Un rostro desconocido empieza a aparecer sobre mi rostro. Cada día, en vez de la semblanza a la que estoy habituada, otra mujer se asoma en el espejo y me mira desde una madurez que aún no reconozco como mia." 

- Gioconda Belli


mi alma no tiene edad...pero la edad me esta recreando con una madurez deliciosamente mía...y no tengo tiempo para cosas (o personas) sin almas...


"Understand me...I live in another dimension and I do not have time for things that have no soul..." 

- C. Bukowski 


Sunday, October 15

telegraph to your soul


"Every time I think of you 
I always catch my breath 
And I'm still standing here 
And you're miles away 
And I'm wondering why you left

And there's a storm that's raging
Through my frozen heart tonight

I hear your name in certain circles
And it always makes me smile
I spend my time
Thinking about you
And it's almost driving me wild

And there's a heart that's breaking
Down this long distance line tonight

I ain't missing you at all
Since you've been gone away
I ain't missing you
No matter what I might say

There's a message in the wire
And I'm sending you this signal tonight
You don't know
How desperate I've become
And it looks like I'm losing this fight
In your world
I have no meaning
Though I'm trying hard to understand

And it's my heart that's breaking
Down this long distance line tonight

I ain't missing you at all
Since you've been gone away
I ain't missing you
No matter what my friends say

And there's a message that I'm sending out

Like a telegraph to your soul

And if I can't bridge this distance
Stop this heartbreak overload

I ain't missing you at all
Since you've been gone away
I ain't missing you
No matter what my friends say

I ain't missing you
I ain't missing you
I can lie to myself

And there's a storm that's raging
Through my frozen heart tonight

I ain't missing you at all
Since you've been gone away
I ain't missing you
No matter what my friends say

Ain't missing you
I ain't missing you
I ain't missing you
I can lie to myself
Ain't missing you...

No matter what my friends might say
I ain't missing you..."

- John Waite


Saturday, October 14

silent devotion


"light reflects from your shadow,
it is more than I thought could exist,
you move through the room,
like breathing was easy,
if someone believed me,

they would be,
as in love with you as I am,
they would be,
as in love with you as I am,
they would be,
as in love with you as I am,
they would be,
in love, love, love...

and everyday,
I'm learning about you,
the things that no one else sees,
and the end comes too soon,
like dreaming of angels,

and leaving without them,
and with words unspoken,
a silent devotion,
I know you know what I mean,
and the end is unknown,
but I think I'm ready,
as long as you're with me,

being
as in love with you as I am
as in love, love, love..." 

- Romy Madley Croft

Friday, October 13

put on your red shoes


"Let's dance -

Put on your red shoes and dance the blues -

Let's dance -

To the song they're playin' on the radio -

Let's sway -

While color lights up your face -

Let's sway -

Sway through the crowd to an empty space -
If you say run
I'll run with you
And if you say hide
We'll hide
Because my love for you
Would break my heart in two
If you should fall into my arms
And tremble like a flower
Let's dance
Let's dance
For fear your grace should fall
Let's dance
For fear tonight is all
Let's sway
You could look into my eyes
Let's sway
Under the moonlight, this serious moonlight
And if you say run
I'll run with you
And if you say hide
We'll hide
Because my love for you
Would break my heart in two
If you should fall into my arms
And tremble like a flower
Let's dance
Put on your red shoes and dance the blues
Let's sway
Under the moonlight, this serious moonlight
Let's dance
Let's dance
Let's dance, dance, dance..."
- David Bowie
detail from a snapshot I took this morning of my little dancer in her striped pajamas and red shoes 


Thursday, October 12

Antioco Sacasa-Sarria


My brilliant grandfather whose soft, melodic voice I hear in my mind and in dreams, was born on this day in the year 1913. 

My beloved fellow Libran with eyes the color of skies...

Papa-Coco...


Wednesday, October 11

he moved her chemically


"Her heart sank into her shoes as she realized at last how much she wanted him. No matter what his past was, no matter what he had done. Which was not to say that she would ever let him know, but only that he moved her chemically more than anyone she had ever met, that all other men seemed pale beside him." 

- F. Scott Fitzgerald 

snapshot: Roman Imperial Rosso AnticoTorso, circa 1st century A.D.



Tuesday, October 10

rhino skin and elephant balls


"You need rhino skin
If you're gonna begin
To walk
Through this world
You need elephant balls
If you don't want to crawl
On your hands
Through this world

Oh my love if I reveal
Every secret I've concealed
How many thoughts would you steal
How much of my pain would you feel

You need eagles wings
To get over things
That make no sense
In this world

You need rhino skin
If you're gonna pretend
You're not hurt by this world

If you listen long enough
You can hear my skin grow tough
Love is painful to the touch
Must be made of stronger stuff

You need rhino skin
To get to the end
Of the maze through this world

You need rhino skin
Or you're gonna give in
To the needles and pins
The arrows of sin
The evils of men
You need rhino skin..."

- Tom Petty



Monday, October 9

your presence


"...I don't know how to tell you what I feel. I live in perpetual expectancy. You come and the time slips away in a dream. It is only when you go that I realize completely your presence. And then it is too late. You numb me...I don't know what to expect of you, but it is something in the way of a miracle. I am going to demand everything of you - even the impossible, because you encourage it. You are really strong. I even like your deceit, your treachery. It seems aristocratic to me." 

- Henry Miller 

Sunday, October 8

desde el pie hasta el alma


"Porque te tengo y no -
porque te pienso -
porque la noche está de ojos abiertos -
porque la noche pasa y digo amor -
porque has venido a recoger tu imagen -
y eres mejor que todas tus imágenes -

porque eres linda desde el pie hasta el alma -

porque eres buena desde el alma a mi -
porque te escondes dulce en el orgullo -
pequeña y dulce -
corazón coraza -

porque eres mía -
porque no eres mía -
porque te miro y muero -
y peor que muero -
si no te miro amor -
si no te miro - 

porque tu siempre existes dondequiera -
pero existes mejor donde te quiero -
porque tu boca es sangre -
y tienes frío -
tengo que amarte amor -
tengo que amarte -
aunque esta herida duela como dos -
y aunque -
la noche pase y yo te tenga -
y no."

- Mario Benedetti 


Saturday, October 7

valor and daring

"Your love 

should never be offered 

to the mouth of a stranger,


Only to someone who has 

the valor and daring 

to cut pieces of their soul off with a knife

then weave them into a blanket

to protect you."

- my beloved Hafiz



Friday, October 6

un baile silencioso


"Yo tuve un amor atlántico
y me converti en sirena
y en mi carne morena
sentí el calor
silbando fuerte a mi alrededor
y tuve un amor lunatico
y me converti en planeta
y estuvimos dando vueltas
en un baile silencioso
las estrellas calladas
como nosotros
y ahora tengo un amor
que es un calor
que navega su aire en el viento
que conoce mis buenos momentos, mis males
y el sabor de mis puntos cardinales
yo tuve un amor antártico
y la nieve me esperaba
noche y dia fría, helada
pero a mi no me importaba
porque el hielo conservaba nuestro ardor
y ahora tengo un amor
que es un calor
que navega su aire en el viento
que conoce mis buenos momentos, mis males
y el sabor de mis puntos cardinales..." 

- Ana Torroja