HER-story:

With words and images, I am telling my story. Through art, through sculpture, I am remembering HERstory...
CASIMIRA

Monday, January 15

I just want to be with you...


"If you, if you could return -
Don't let it burn -
Don't let it fade -
I'm sure I'm not being rude -
But it's just your attitude -
It's tearing me apart -
It's ruining every day -
For me -
I swore I would be true -
And fellow, so did you -
So why were you holding her hand?
Is that the way we stand?
Were you lying all the time?
Was it just a game to you?
But I'm in so deep -
You know I'm such a fool for you -
You've got me wrapped around your finger -
Do you have to let it linger?
Do you have to, do you have to, do have to let it linger?
Oh, I thought the world of you -
I thought nothing could go wrong -
But I was wrong, I was wrong -
If you, if you could get by -
Trying not to lie -
Things wouldn't be so confused -
And I wouldn't feel so used -
But you always really knew -
I just want to be with you..."


- The Cranberries, circa 1993


Sunday, January 14

she has mined the gold that was deep inside



"...but even so, just as he starts to leave, when he notices a bit of dirt under his thumbnail, he stops to scrub it out. Although she has never complained at all about his grubby appearance whenever he came in tired from the digs and sat drinking with her, she might feel differently now that she is going to take him upstairs.

He is glad to see the show again because it gives him time to anticipate and dream, to build up to a private finale. Though he doesn't fool himself. She has to have known for a while how much he thinks of her, and yet, kind as she always was when he told her all his troubles, he knows she has another regular man, more sophisticated, more of her world. As one more time he watches the extraordinary grace with which she dances, all that gauzy fabric whirling around her, his longing has a different quality now that he knows his desire will soon be met...

...But it is not just the mechanics of what she does that impressed him. He has all he longed for now, even what he never quite understood before that he wanted. It is not just that she had made him happy. He is laughing to find himself lighter than air. And she has given him a deeper pleasure, too; as if reaching into the center of who he is, she has mined the gold that was deep inside."

- Susan Griffin

Saturday, January 13

stubbornly refuse


"You'll learn, as you get older, that rules are made to be broken. Be bold enough to live life on your terms, and never, ever apologize for it. Go against the grain, refuse to conform, take the road less traveled instead of the well-beaten path. Laugh in the face of adversity, and leap before you look. Dance as though EVERYONE is watching. March to the beat of your own drummer. And stubbornly refuse to fit in." - Mandy Hale



Friday, January 12

beloved high priestess Melba Debayle


detail from mixed media on paper: crystal quartz, silk thread, vintage tulle, vintage gold lame, watercolor, photograph, pen, ink and pencil, circa 2007

Thursday, January 11

beloved baby sister

- detail from a mixed media on paper -

Once upon a time, a beautiful and brilliant little girl with wise wide eyes and an ancient soul captured my heart...my sister, my goddaughter and my beloved friend, happy birthday...




Wednesday, January 10

no puedes por razones técnicas


"Look, I don't ask much, just your hand, to hold it...I need that door you gave me for coming into your world, that little chunk of green sugar, of a lucky ring. Can't you just spare me your hand tonight at the end of a year of hoarse-voiced-owls? You can't for technical reasons. So I weave it in the air, warping each finger, the silky peach of the palm and the back, that country of blue trees. That's how I take it and hold it, as if so much of the world depended on it..."
- Julio Cortázar translated by Stephen Kessler

the original version in Spanish always takes my breath away...

"Mira, no pido mucho, solamente tu mano, tenerla...Necesito esa puerta que me dabas para entrar a tu mundo, ese trocito de azúcar verde, de redondo alegre. No me prestas tu mano en esta noche de fin de año de lechuzas roncas?No puedes, por razones técnicas. Entonces la tramo en aire, urdiendo cada dedo, el durazno sedoso de la palma y el dorso, ese país de azules árboles. Así la tomo y la sostengo, como si de ello dependiera muchísimo del mundo..."
- Julio Cortázar 

Tuesday, January 9

dream a little dream of me


Stars shining bright above you,

Night breezes seem to whisper "I love you"

Birds singing in the sycamore tree,
Dream a little dream of me.
Say "Night-ie night" and kiss me,

Just hold me tight and tell me you'll miss me.

While I'm alone and blue as can be,
Dream a little dream of me.
Stars fading, but I linger on, dear
Still craving your kiss
I'm longing to linger till dawn, dear
Just saying this
Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you
Sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you
But in your dreams whatever they be
Dream a little dream of me
Stars fading, but I linger on, dear
Still craving your kiss
I'm longing to linger till dawn, dear
Just saying this
Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you
Sweet dreams that leave all worries far behind you
But in your dreams whatever they be
Dream a little dream of me.."
Songwriters: Fabian Andre, Gus Kahn, and Wilbur Schwandt




Monday, January 8

en silencio tu mirada dice mil palabras


"Yo te miro, se me corta la respiración
Cuanto tu me miras se me sube el corazón 
me palpita lento el corazón 
Y en silencio tu mirada dice mil palabras 

La noche en la que te suplico que no salga el sol...

Tu cuerpo y el mio llenando el vacío 
Subiendo y bajando...
Ese fuego por dentro me esta enloqueciendo,
Me va saturando

Con tu física y tu química también tu anatomía
La cerveza y el tequila y tu boca con la mía
Ya no puedo mas 
Ya no puedo mas 
Con esta melodía, tu color, tu fantasía
Con tu filosofía mi cabeza esta vacía
Y ya no puedo mas 
Ya no puedo mas 

Yo quiero estar contigo, vivir contigo
Bailar contigo, tener contigo
Una noche loca 
Ay besar tu boca 
Yo quiero estar contigo, vivir contigo
Bailar contigo, 
tener contigo una noche loca con tremenda loca

Tu me miras y me llevas a otra dimensión 
estoy en otra dimensión
Tu latidos aceleran a mi corazón,
Que ironía del destino no poder tocarte
Abrazarte y sentir la magia de tu olor...

Bailando amor, es que se me va el dolor..."
- Enrique Iglesias 

snapshot of my sweaty shoulder after dancing...

Sunday, January 7

eye contact


he pretends to look around, but is actually looking at me...


excerpt from a true story in my journals 




Saturday, January 6

hey baby


"Hey baby..." is how my 20-month-old daughter says hello.

My children help me stay in my magic because they live in the moment and find wonder everywhere.

I paint.
I write.
I dance.
I stretch (yoga).
I laugh.
I play.

how do you stay in your magic baby?



Friday, January 5

love bites


Last night I dreamed a dog was biting me...

snapshot of a playful snapchat moment with my pups


Thursday, January 4

pleasure


"I take pleasure in my transformations. I look quiet and consistent, but few know how many women there are in me."

- Anais Nin

Wednesday, January 3

down to my soul


"I feel the earth move under my feet
I feel the sky tumbling down
I feel my heart start to trembling
Whenever you're around
Ooh, baby, when I see your face
Mellow as the month of May
Oh, darling, I can't stand it
When you look at me that way
I feel the earth move under my feet
I feel the sky tumbling down
I feel my heart start to trembling
Whenever you're around
Ooo, darling, when you're near me
And you tenderly call my name
I know that my emotions
Are something I just can't tame
I've just got to have you, baby...
I feel the earth move under my feet
I feel the sky tumbling down, a'tumbling down
I feel the earth move under my feet
I feel the sky tumbling down, a'tumbling down
I just lose control
Down to my very soul
I get hot and cold, all over, all over, all over, all over
I feel the earth move under my feet
I feel the sky tumbling down, a'tumbling down
I feel the earth move under my feet
I feel the sky tumbling down, a'tumbling down,
A'tumbling down, a'tumbling down, a'tumbling down, a'tumbling down, tumbling down..."

-Carole King

Tuesday, January 2

patiently waiting


"I will be waiting here...
For your silence to break,
For your soul to shake,
For your love to wake!"
- my beloved RUMI

snapshot from today 

Monday, January 1

La Loba greets 2018 howling


"This first night entering the new year, comes now before our sights, into our baskets of water held out to the heavens... 

the wolf moon, named after wolves howling to summon one another...

SUMMONS FROM LA LOBA I CALL HER 'LA QUE SABE, SHE WHO KNOWS...'

For those with ears to hear, eyes to see...

The howl is the call to 
Rest and Create. Both. 
Not one or the other. Both now. 

The howl is the call to Reconvene Gentleness and Fierceness: Both. Not one or the other. Both now. 

The howl is the call to 
Keep no collections of grievances 
petty and large. 
Throw that dung list away. 
No wolf drags a long bag of yesterdays 
behind them today.

The howl is the call to 
instead, build your list of effective solutions 
within your reach, and if not 
practice your trapeese flying. 
Wolves are the masters of the flying leap 
that lands square. We can do this. 

The howl is the call to 
choose one goal. 
The most life-giving, the most life sparing. 
Not one or the other, both. Both. 
Like a true wolf would do.

The howl is the call to 
Focus. One thing to shelter, build in beauty, 
end, begin, one thing at a time. 

The howl is the call to Collect your tendernesses and strengths. Both. Not one or the other. Both. Like a true wolf.

The howl is the call to 
not bathe nor clothe thyself in fears, 
for they weaken the child spirit, 
Who is your Creative Force. 
Wolves stand before and protect their pups, 
not place them in the teeth of predators.

The howl is the call to
Love everything one can, truly so, 
with dedication, not passing over, 
not saying yah, yah, 
but seeing the bee as equal to the butterfly, 
the human as equal to the precious waters 
and the air, the creatures equal to the mountains. And visa versa. 

La Loba, La que sabe,
whom I name She Who Knows, 
says so...
in her long, long howl 
'at the first Full Moon
of this New Year. 

All good come...
All good come now
both and all.
All. Good. Now. Come....

May it be so for thee
May it be so for me
May it be so for us all,
Each in her and his own way,
as each sees fit."

- words of wisdom by beloved Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes

La Mama Loba and her wild wolf cub remind you to go out and HOWL at tonight's full wolf moon 



Sunday, December 31

déjame robarte un beso que te enamore


"Son muchos años que pasaron sin decir que y en verdad te quiero pero encuentro formas de engañar mi corazón.

Son muchos años que pasaron sin robarte un beso solo quiero un beso, y por esa boca no me importa ser ladrón.

No puede ser que no he encontrado todavía las palabras y en esa noche no dije nada.

No puede ser que en un segundo me perdí en tu mirada aunque por dentro yo te gritaba.

Déjame robarte un beso que me llegue hasta el alma, como un vallenato de esos viejos que nos gustaban.

Se que sientes mariposas, yo también sentí sus alas.

Déjame robarte un beso que te enamore y tú no te vayas...

Déjame robarte el corazón.

Déjame escribirte una canción.

Déjame que con un beso nos perdamos los dos.

Déjame robarte el corazón.

Déjame subirle a esta canción.

Para que bailemos juntos como nadie bailó.

Déjame robarte un beso que me llegue hasta el alma.

Como un vallenato de esos viejos que nos gustaban.

Se que sientes mariposas, yo también sentí sus alas.

Déjame robarte un beso que te enamore y tú no te vayas.

Yo sé que a ti te gusta que yo te cante así.

Que tú te pones seria pero te hago reír.

Que se que tu me quieres... Por qué tú eres así.

Y cuando estamos juntos ya no se que decir..."

Carlos Vives and Sebastian Yatra

Saturday, December 30

dear sweetheart


"One regret, dear world, that I am determined not to have when I am lying on my deathbed is that I did not kiss you enough...

...Nothing can shatter this love. For even if you took another into your arms, the truth is, my sweetheart, you would still be kissing me."

- my beloved HAFIZ



Friday, December 29

que sepas


“Te confieso que no tengo un instante sin pensar en ti, que cuanto como y bebo tiene tu sabor, que la vida eres tú a toda hora y en todas partes. Que el gozo supremo de mi corazón sería morirme contigo. -¿Y ahora? - Ahora nada - Me basta con lo que sepas."

- Gabriel Garcia Marquez

Thursday, December 28

just like you said


"And so it is just like you said it would be,
Life goes easy on me,
Most of the time,
And so it is the shorter story,
No love, no glory,
No hero in her sky,
I can't take my eyes off you...
And so it is just like you said it should be,
We'll both forget the breeze,
Most of the time,
And so it is the colder water,
The Blower's daughter,
The pupil in denial,
I can't take my eyes off you...
Did I say that I loathe you?
Did I say that I want to leave it all behind?
I can't take my mind off you...
My mind, my mind,
'Til I find somebody new..."
- Damien Rice

Wednesday, December 27

mountains and sea


"...and what I am to you is not real,
what I am to you, you do not need,
what I am to you is not what you mean to me,
you give me miles and miles of mountains,
and I'll ask for the sea.

don't throw yourself like that,
in front of me.
I kissed your mouth, your back,
is that all you need?
don't drag my love around,
volcanoes melt me down.

...what I give to you is just what I'm going through,
there is nothing new, no, no just another phase of finding,
what I really need is what makes me bleed...

I kissed your mouth,
you do not need me."

- Damien Rice


Tuesday, December 26

cerca


mujer con alas de mariposa bailando entre sueños y suspiros, te recuerdo y te siento cerca...

excerpt from journals


Monday, December 25

December 25th


light and wonder...

truth and beauty...

snapshot from last night, Christmas Eve


Sunday, December 24

Noche Buena

- vintage snapshot of my grandparents' home -

Tonight families gather to celebrate each other and to honor Christ’s birth.

Those who are far away are missed more than ever.

Those who have passed away are always remembered.

A feast is prepared and enjoyed amidst laughter and song.

At midnight, bells ring to announce La Misa del Gallo, midnight mass with choir and candlelight.
Esta noche es Noche-Buena
Y no es noche de dormir.
– old Spanish verse

Saturday, December 23

the path


"Everything that occurs is not only usable and workable but is actually THE PATH itself. We can use everything that happens to us as the means for waking up. We can use everything that occurs - whether it's our conflicting emotions and thoughts or our seemingly outer situation - to show us where we are asleep and how we can wake up completely, utterly, without reservations."

- Pema Chodron



Friday, December 22

beloved Gurudev

Sri Gurudev playing with me, circa 1973-1974
His Holiness Sri Swami Satchidananda was born on December 22nd in 1914.  I celebrate beloved Gurudev, today and always...OM Shanti, Shanti, Shanti...




Thursday, December 21

winter solstice



"Circle round, and I'll tell you a story about when the sun was born again...

It was the middle of winter, and the sun had grown very old.  All year long the sun had worked very hard, rising and setting day after day.  All year long the sun had fed everybody on earth, shining and shining, giving energy to the trees and the flowers and the grasses so they could grow and feed the animals and birds and insects and people...

Night felt sorry for the sun.

"Come to my arms and rest, child." she said. "After all, I am your mother.  You were born out of darkness, billions of years ago, and you will return to me when all things end.  Let me cradle you now, as I shelter every galaxy and star in the universe."

So Night wrapped her great arms around the sun, and the night was very long indeed...

Every time a child said thank you, the sun began to feel a little warmer, a little brighter.  Wrapped safely in the arms of Night, the sun grew younger and younger...For in the long night the sun had rested well and grown young from the songs and the thanks of the children, young as a brand-new baby, born out of Night once more.

"The sun has returned!  The sun is reborn!" the people cried.  And they danced and sang to celebrate the birth of a new day..." 

- STARHAWK

Wednesday, December 20

anoche soñé contigo


soñé contigo...

me contabas tus historias,

me decías que querías dejar todo,

viajar lejos,

olvidar todo,

dejar tu cabello crecer y pintar a colores,

soñé contigo...

será otra vida?

la vida de los sueños

será un sueño esta vida?

••••••••

consecutive nights I dream of dreams...

I dream with you...

what messages are you sending me?


excerpt from my dream journal



Tuesday, December 19

universality and cyclicity


"Arianrhod is a matriarchal Welsh triple moon goddess, both virgin and mother. Famed for her beauty...she has a special love, concern, and responsibility for all life, especially for the green growing things of the earth. One derivation of her name is 'high fruitful mother who turns the wheel of the heavens;' the other is 'silver wheel.' Her name tells us of her role as keeper of the heavens and of the cycles and changes of time. She lives in a castle in the Corona Borealis, where she watches over souls in a purgatory filled with beings awaiting rebirth. 

Arianrhod, keeper of time, giver and nurturer of life, shows us the universality and cyclicity of our lives; she is there to nurture us through the dark night of our soul changes."
- Michael Babcock

image: my journal with a Susan Eleanor Boulet goddess card, a crystal and flowers from a workshop 

Monday, December 18

freedom to create




"The beauty of art is that there are no rules..." - Mia Michaels

no rules to follow

no rules to break

only soul

Sunday, December 17

todo lo que ves es lo que soy

yin and yang, tu y yo

"Yo no se si tu no se si yo
Seguirimos siendo como hoy
No se si despues de amanecer, 
vamos a sentir la misma sed 
Para que pensar y suponer, 
no preguntes cosas que no se... yo no se
No se donde vamos a parar, 
eso ya la piel nos lo dira
Para que jurar y prometer,
algo que no esta en nuestro poder
Yo no se lo que es eterno, 
no me pidas algo que es del tiempo

Yo no se mañana, yo no se mañana,
Si estaremos juntos, si se acaba el mundo
Yo no se si soy para ti, si seras para mi
Si lleguemos a amarnos o a odiarnos
Yo no se mañana, yo no se mañana,
Quien va a estar aqui 

De un cafe pasamos al sofa, 
de un boton a todo lo demas
No pusimos reglas ni reloj, 
aqui estamos solos tu y yo
Todo lo que ves es lo que soy, 
no me pidas mas de lo que doy

Yo no se mañana, yo no se mañana,
Si estaremos juntos, si se acaba el mundo
Yo no se si soy para ti, si seras para mi
Si lleguemos a amarnos o a odiarnos
Yo no se mañana, yo no se mañana,
Quien va a estar aqui

Esta vida es igual a un libro
Cada pagina es, un dia vivido
No tratemos de correr antes de andar
Esta noches estamos vivos
Solo este momento es realidad
Oh no, no, no se

Yo no se mañana

Esta vida es una ruleta que gira sin parar
Yo no se mañana
Yo no se si tu, yo no se si yo, como sera el final
Yo no se mañana
Puede ser peor, o puede ser mejor
Yo no se mañana
Deja que el corazon decida vida mia lo que sentimos

Mañana... yo no se
Yo no se, yo no se mañana
Ahora lo que vivimos es algo realmente lindo,
Quien puede saber lo que pasara mañana 
no hay nada escrito
Yo no se, yo no se mañana
Estamos solo tu y yo
Y los momentos hay que vivirlos... hay que vivirlos

Yo no se mañana, yo no se mañana,
Si estaremos juntos, si se acaba el mundo
Yo no se si soy para ti, si seras para mi
Si lleguemos a amarnos o a odiarnos
Yo no se mañana, yo no se mañana..."
- Luis Enrique

ahora lo que vivimos es algo realmente lindo...
y los momentos hay que vivirlos...hay que vivirlos...
todo que ves es lo que soy, no te pido mas de lo que das...
deja que el corazon decida vida mia lo que sentimos...