HER-story:

With words and images, I am telling my story. Through art, through sculpture, I am remembering HERstory...
CASIMIRA

Saturday, July 22

your absence


"You've so distracted me,
your absence fans my love.

Don't ask how.

Then you come near.

"Do not...," I say, and
"Do not...," you answer.

Don't ask why
this delights me."

- RUMI

2013 mixed media on paper


Friday, July 21

his love: the beginning of everything


"I fell in love with her courage, her sincerity and her flaming self-respect.  And it's these things I believe in, even if the whole world indulged in wild suspicions that she wasn't all she should be.

I love her and that is the beginning of everything."

- F. Scott Fitzgerald

2013 mixed media on paper


Thursday, July 20

the real lover


"The real lover is the man who can thrill you by kissing your forehead or smiling into your eyes or just staring into space.” 

- Marilyn Monroe



Wednesday, July 19

the way you make love


"There are so many words by Rumi that melt me straightaway into the heart pine floor. This particular line of words is so powerful and free of prediction that first it freezes me, forcing my eyes closed, and then instantly it infuses me with a kind of sweet slow burn that reminds me that I am so alive and so willing to take another chance on another new day. If this line had been spoken at Emmanuel Methodist Church when I was a girl in South Carolina I would not have been bored and scribbling bad poetry in the margins of the church program. I would have been mindful, engrossed, bowed, a devoted girl shepherd — imagining the future.” - Nikky Finney

--  “The way you make love is the way God will be with you." - RUMI --


Tuesday, July 18

same


"He's more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same."

 - Emily Brontë


Monday, July 17

bite

- mixed media -
"She's my girl...She's my blue sky.  After sixteen years, I still bite her shoulders.  She makes me feel like Hannibal crossing the Alps." - John Cheever (1912-1982)

Sunday, July 16

exquisite misery

This little sketch is a mixed media from 2011.

"My love has made me selfish. I cannot exist without you. I am forgetful of everything but seeing you again - my life seems to stop there - I see no further. You have absorbed me. I have a sensation at the present moment as though I was disolving - I should be exquisitely miserable without the hope of soon seeing you...I have no limit now to my love...Love is my religion. I could die for that, I could die for you."
- John Keats

exquisite misery...an interesting concept 


Saturday, July 15

beautiful


"She was beautiful, but not like those girls in the magazines. She was beautiful, for the way she thought. She was beautiful, for the sparkle in her eyes when she talked about something she loved. She was beautiful, for her ability to make other people smile, even if she was sad. No, she wasn't beautiful for something as temporary as her looks. She was beautiful, deep down to her soul. She is beautiful."

- F. Scott Fitzgerald

Friday, July 14

salty smiles

- mid-1970s - Rehoboth Beach, Delaware -

The beach holds memories of sand castles and salty smiles. It is where I need to begin telling my story, telling her story...with Father Sun and Mother Moon...

excerpt from my journals

Happy Birthday Dad, I love you beyond words!


Thursday, July 13

under pressure


"Courage is grace under pressure."
- Ernest Hemingway


Wednesday, July 12

done


"I’m a princess cut from marble, smoother than a storm.

And the scars that mark my body, they’re silver and gold.

My blood is a flood of rubies, precious stones.

It keeps my veins hot, the fire's found a home in me.

I move through town, I’m quiet like a fight.

And my necklace is of rope, I tie it and untie.

And now people talk to me, but nothing ever hits home.

People talk to me, and all the voices just burn holes.

I’m done with it.

This is the start of how it all ends.

They used to shout my name, now they whisper it.

I’m speeding up and this is the red, orange, yellow flicker beat sparking up my heart.

We're at the start, the colors disappear.

I never watch the stars, there’s so much down here.

So I just try to keep up with the red, orange, yellow flicker beat sparking up my heart.

I dream all year, but they’re not the sweet kinds.

And the shivers move down my shoulder blades in double time.

And now people talk to me, I’m slipping out of reach now.

People talk to me, and all their faces blur.

But I got my fingers laced together and I made a little prison, and I’m locking up everyone who ever laid a finger on me.

I’m done with it." - LORDE


mixed media from a new series, 2017





Tuesday, July 11

the way he looks at her


remembering my beloved grandparents on their wedding anniversary 

Monday, July 10

waiting for your soul to shake


"I will be waiting here...
For your silence to break,
For your soul to shake,
For your love to wake!"

- RUMI

a corner of my desk: crystals, pearls, a river rock and a sterling cuff 



Sunday, July 9

full moon


did you look at her tonight and think of me? 

she knows.

the moon knows your secret wishes my dear.

and your soul whispers to me in dreams.

snapshot of the full moon from my bedroom window tonight 

Saturday, July 8

relationship


received this passage after my daily ritual of morning meditation, prayer and yoga...

and my dear, if the word *god* turns you off, simply substitute it with one that connects you with the Divine Life Force that resides within...

"The only beloved who can always be counted on is God. The ultimate partner is a divine one, an experience of ourselves that is totally supportive and forgiving. Until we know this, we keep seeking sustenance from men that they cannot give us. Most men and women today are wounded. The search for some one who isn't in pain is unreasonable until we ourselves are healed of our own dysfunctions. Until then, we will be led to people as wounded as we are in order that we might heal and be healed together. What this means is that NO PARTNER can save us, deliver us, or give meaning to our lives. The source of our salvation, deliverance, and meaning is within us. It is the love we give as much as it is the love we get. The passion we need to feed is our relationship to God. This is ultimately our relationship with ourselves.

It's not as easy as a good date, as much fun as sex, or as dramatic as romantic tension. It is work. Personal growth, recovery, religious practice, spiritual renewal - whatever words we care to use - these are the keys to our return to sanity and peace. When we have reclaimed our wholeness, we are ready to face the worldly beloved. Until then, we will look to a romantic partner to give us peace rather than remember that our role in the relationship is to BRING peace, by receiving it from God allowing him to spread his peace through us to all mankind.

How often I have betrayed myself, forgetting - or more accurately, resisting - the twenty minutes of meditation, the hour of reading, the spiritual meeting or recovery group that would prepare me for the roller coaster ride that always lies potential in an intimate relationship. Part of our problem is that we expect love affairs to always feel good. They don't. Actually, relationships don't feel good anyway. We feel good. Unless we are centered within ourselves, we cannot blame a relationship for throwing us off. No man can convince a woman she's wonderful, but if she already believes she is, his agreement can resonate and bring her joy.

This is our function in each other's lives: to hold the space for each other's beauty, that our beloved can leave us and we still feel in his absence how beautiful we are."

- Marianne Williamson





Friday, July 7

beyond


"You meet another person and there are qualities in that personality which offend you and there are qualities which attract you - some qualities seduce you - some qualities repel you - some qualities sexually excite you - some qualities revolt you - some qualities interest you - some qualities fascinate you - some qualities bore you. It's only when you can see through all that veil...through all your own desires... Beyond Sita walking in the path that you can see beyond all that to where the other being is." - Ram Dass


Thursday, July 6

siempre existes dondequiera


"Porque te tengo y no -
porque te pienso -
porque la noche está de ojos abiertos -
porque la noche pasa y digo amor -
porque has venido a recoger tu imagen -
y eres mejor que todas tus imágenes -

porque eres linda desde el pie hasta el alma -

porque eres buena desde el alma a mi -
porque te escondes dulce en el orgullo -
pequeña y dulce -
corazón coraza -

porque eres mía -
porque no eres mía -
porque te miro y muero -
y peor que muero -
si no te miro amor -
si no te miro - 

porque tu siempre existes dondequiera -
pero existes mejor donde te quiero -
porque tu boca es sangre -
y tienes frío -
tengo que amarte amor -
tengo que amarte -
aunque esta herida duela como dos -
y aunque -
la noche pase y yo te tenga -
y no."

- Mario Benedetti 


Wednesday, July 5

sin saber cómo, ni cuándo, ni de dónde, te amo


"No te amo como si fueras rosa de sal, topacio o flecha de claveles que propagan el fuego:

te amo como se aman ciertas cosas oscuras, secretamente, entre la sombra y el alma.

Te amo como la planta que no florece y lleva dentro de sí, escondida, la luz de aquellas flores, y gracias a tu amor vive oscuro en mi cuerpo el apretado aroma que ascendió de la tierra.

Te amo sin saber cómo, ni cuándo, ni de dónde, te amo directamente sin problemas ni orgullo:
así te amo porque no sé amar de otra manera, sino así de este modo en que no soy ni eres, tan cerca que tu mano sobre mi pecho es mía, tan cerca que se cierran tus ojos con mi sueño."

- Pablo Neruda

***

"I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz, or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.

I love you as certain dark things are to be loved, in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;

thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance, risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride; 

so I love you because I know no other way than this:  

where "I" does not exist, nor "you,"
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand, so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep."

- Pablo Neruda translated by Stephen Tapscott

snapshot - bronze sculpture suspended by endless unconventional pearls and vintage silks 



Tuesday, July 4

heart soul and all


"it's a lip thing with you.

the first time we met i could not

take my eyes off them.

you probably thought you had something 

in your teeth with the way i was staring.

i know their curvature like the reminiscent

smell of my mother.

give me a photograph of every mouth in the

world and i will pick yours out without question.

i do not have a religion but if i did it

would be them...

...they are what roses and mountains and oceans

could only hope to be.

with you it's a lip thing.

and then it became a heart thing.

and then soul.

and then all."

- Christopher Poindexter



Monday, July 3

born to love


"I walk along the city streets you used to walk along with me -

And every step I take reminds me of just how we used to be - 

Well, how can I forget you, girl?

When there is always something there to remind me -

Always something there to remind me -

As shadows fall, I pass a small cafe where we would dance at night -

And I can't help recalling how it felt to kiss and hold you tight -

Well, how can I forget you, girl?

When there is always something there to remind me -

Always something there to remind me -

I was born to love her, and I will never be free -

You'll always be a part of me -

Oh whoa ooh whoa ooh whoa oh -

If you should find you miss the sweet and tender love we used to share -

Just go back to the places where we used to go and I'll be there..."

- as sung by the Naked Eyes

yes, yet another selfie...I am going through a major 80s musical phase and figure my children will treasure these selfies of their MAMA one day 




Sunday, July 2

only you



"Looking from a window above, it's like a story of love -

Can you hear me?

Came back only yesterday 

I'm moving further away,

Want you near me
All I needed was the love you gave -
All I needed for another day 
And all I ever knew 
Only you 
Sometimes when I think of [your] name 
When it's only a game 
And I need you 
Listen to the words that you say 
It's getting harder to stay 
When I see you
All I needed was the love you gave 
All I needed for another day 
And all I ever knew 
Only you 
This is going to take a long time 
And I wonder what's mine 
Can't take no more 
Wonder if you'll understand 
It's just the touch of your hand 
Behind a closed door 
All I needed was the love you gave 
All I needed for another day 
And all I ever knew 
Only you..."
- Vince Clarke

selfie 


Saturday, July 1

juntos


"Estábamos, estamos, estaremos juntos. A pedazos, a ratos, a párpados, a sueños."

- Mario Benedetti


one of my sunrises this past week


Friday, June 30

soy el mar de todos tus puertos


el talismán de tu piel me ha dicho -
que soy la reina de tus caprichos,
yo soy el as de los corazones,
que se pasean en tus tentaciones,
el talismán de tu piel me cuenta
que en tu montura caerán las riendas

cuando una noche de amor desesperados
caigamos juntos y enredados
la alfombra y el alrededor, acabaran
desordenados
cuando una noche de amor que yo no dudo
la eternidad venga seguro
tu y yo, el desnudo y el corazón...seremos uno

yo soy la tierra de tus raíces: el talismán de tu piel lo dice,
yo soy la tierra de tus raíces: lo dice el corazón y el fuego de tu piel,
yo soy la tierra de tus raíces: el talismán de tu piel lo dice,
yo soy la tierra de tus raíces: a ver que dices tu

el talismán de tu piel me chiva
que ando descalza de esquina a esquina,
por cada calle que hay en tus sueños,
que soy el mar de todos tus puertos,
el talismán de tu piel me cuenta
que tu destino caerá a mi puerta
 

- © ROSANA ARBELO

sunrise 

Thursday, June 29

finding faith in myself


"Show me forgiveness -

For having lost faith in myself -
And let my own interior up -
To inferior forces -
The shame is endless -
But if soon start forgiveness -
The girl might live..."
- Bjork

snapshot of my daughter at sunrise, light upon light 


Wednesday, June 28

sunrise


sleepless nights
salty tears reminiscent of the sea
you and me

serenades of birds
hidden in the trees
signaling what will be

blessed fire dancing in the skies
waves of emotions
birthing another day

excerpt from my journal and snapshot from today's sunrise 





Tuesday, June 27

healing


"Things falling apart is a kind of testing and also a kind of healing. We think that the point is to pass the test or to overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don't really get solved. They come together and they fall apart. Then they come together again and fall apart again. It's just like that. The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy." - Pema Chodron 




Monday, June 26

las aguas de mis pensamientos


"Hay almas que tienen
azules luceros,
mañanas marchitas
entre hojas del tiempo,
y castos rincones
que guardan un viejo
rumor de nostalgias
y sueños.
Otras almas tienen
dolientes espectros
de pasiones. Frutas
con gusanos. Ecos
de una voz quemada
que viene de lejos
como una corriente
de sombra. Recuerdos
vacíos de llanto
y migajas de besos.
Mi alma está madura
hace mucho tiempo,
y se desmorona
turbia de misterio.
Piedras juveniles
roídas de ensueño
caen sobre las aguas
de mis pensamientos.
Cada piedra dice:
“¡Dios está muy lejos!”
Federico García Lorca (1898-1936)

Sunday, June 25

honoring respect: Pixie Lighthorse


I gifted myself a most wonderful book by Pixie Lighthorse. I am so happy I brought it with me during the family beach week.

"...I am seeking new ways to respect myself, you, the Earth and my dear ones...Help me speak with sacredness on my mind. When I don't agree with what is being said, turn up my ability for high-frequency communication and awareness to the level I would most love to receive when I am in the same position ...Help me receive the sentiment behind the words, because few will be able to say it like I want to hear it..."

- Pixie Lighthorse, from her book "Prayers of Honoring Voice"

sunset





Saturday, June 24

healing family secrets


"Buried in the recesses of your family's history you may find secrets. Due to cultural and societal prohibitions, these facts about the family typically remain repressed, as are the strong feelings associated with these secrets. There's considerable shame that prevents these secrets from being acknowledged and dealt with, so they become toxic to other family members.

...these repressed feelings and behaviors get projected onto others in the family, who then act out these toxic feelings without being aware of their original source...

Sometimes the secrets are so huge that discovering the truth behind them changes someone's life around 180 degrees. 

...When these secrets remain buried, they end up being projected onto other people or passed along through the generations...The poisonous influence of family secrets can remain in the lineage for several generations, often enacted by one or more family members until there is active healing.

There are a number of resources for healing this ancestral karma, and it's often through the healing journey that someone finds out about these secrets. Once the secrets are brought out into the open, there's opportunity to release their hold on the family members, and subsequent generations will no longer have to carry them...

...Being secrets, they are often submerged under layers of guilt and shame yet are often acted out or projected onto others...

...The secrets, as well as the act of keeping secrets, continue to be forwarded until someone in the lineage is willing to tackle these issues and seek healing for the damage done."

- Dr. Steven D. Farmer

detail from a recent mixed media on paper 






Friday, June 23

howling at the darkness of the new moon


"We have come together to fall apart 

The queen of chaos straddles 
our corpora callosa

Reins of raw silk weaving our wills 
into the corners of the collective mind

There's more to chaos than meets the mind 

dialoguing with demons, goddesses
and gods

Wings lying unconscious at our sides
rise and shudder

If chaos were only chaos
we wouldn't sit in the darkness
of new moons choking back howls

If chaos were only chaos
this edge would rise up razor sharp
and take off our heads

Off with our heads!

We'd eat our cake and dance on the crumbs

Oh, God!

If chaos were only chaos
she'd take her spiked heel
and pierce our throats

Ripe verbs would do us all night

Words would fly from our lips like birds
in a formation never seen by humans

If chaos were only chaos
the words wouldn't matter
and the poem would always be there

Always be there

Be there

Be there

We have come together here

We have come together

We have come together to fall apart."

- Jewel Mathieson



the warrior in me has awakened

decapitating demons

slashing fears
through tears

crushing judgements
while dancing and dreaming

the warrior in me

the blessed spiritual warrior in me
manifesting peace