HER-story:

With words and images, I am telling my story. Through art, through sculpture, I am remembering HERstory...
CASIMIRA

Monday, July 16

fue sólo por orgullo ese querer


"Hey! 
no vayas presumiendo por ahí 
diciendo que no puedo estar sin ti 
tú qué sabes de mi. 

ya sé que a ti te gusta presumir 
decir a los amigos que sin ti 
ya no puedo vivir. 

no creas que te haces un favor 
cuando hablas a la gente de mi amor 
y te burlas de mi. 

que hay veces que es mejor querer así 
que ser querido y no poder sentir 
lo que siento por ti. 

ya ves 
tú nunca me has querido ya lo ves 
que nunca he sido tuyo ya lo sé 
fue sólo por orgullo ese querer. 

ya ves 
de que te vale ahora presumir 
ahora que no estoy ya junto a ti 
que les dirás de mi ? 

recuerdo que ganabas siempre tú 
que hacías de ese triunfo una virtud 
yo era sombra y tú luz. 

no sé si tú también recordarás 
que siempre que intentaba hacer la paz 
yo era un río en tu mar. 

ahora que ya todo terminó 
que como siempre soy el perdedor 
cuando pienses en mi. 

no creas que te guardo algún rencor 
es siempre más feliz quien más amó 
y ese siempre fui yo..."

 - Julio Iglesias


Sunday, July 15

te invento a veces con mi vanidad


"Tengo la convicción de que no existes
y sin embargo te oigo cada noche

te invento a veces con mi vanidad
o mi desolación o mi modorra

del infinito mar viene tu asombro
lo escucho como un salmo y pese a todo

tan convencido estoy de que no existes
que te aguardo en mi sueño para luego."

- Mario Benedetti

detail from mixed media on canvas, 2013

Saturday, July 14

I want more


“I want to see you. 

Know your voice. 

Recognize you when you first come 'round the corner. 

Sense your scent when I come into a room you've just left. 

Know the lift of your heel, the glide of your foot. 

Become familiar with the way you purse your lips then let them part, just the slightest bit, when I lean in to your space and kiss you.

I want to know the joy of how you whisper "more”... 

- RUMI

Friday, July 13

in love on this new moon


"I don't care if Monday's blue -
Tuesday's gray and Wednesday too -
Thursday I don't care about you -
It's Friday I'm in love -
Monday you can fall apart -
Tuesday Wednesday break my heart -
Oh, Thursday doesn't even start -
It's Friday I'm in love -
Saturday wait
And Sunday always comes too late
But Friday never hesitate
I don't care if Monday's black
Tuesday, Wednesday heart attack
Thursday never looking back
It's Friday I'm in love
Monday you can hold your head
Tuesday, Wednesday stay in bed
Or Thursday watch the walls instead
It's Friday I'm in love
Saturday wait
And Sunday always comes too late
But Friday never hesitate
Dressed up to the eyes
It's a wonderful surprise
To see your shoes and your spirits rise
Throwing out your frown
And just smiling at the sound
And as sleek as a shriek
Spinning round and round
Always take a big bite
It's such a gorgeous sight
To see you in the middle of the night
You can never get enough
Enough of this stuff
It's Friday
I'm in love
I don't care if Monday's blue
Tuesday's gray and Wednesday too
Thursday I don't care about you
It's Friday I'm in love
Monday you can fall apart
Tuesday, Wednesday break my heart
Thursday doesn't even start
It's Friday I'm in love..."
- The Cure

Thursday, July 12

melt with you




"moving forward using all my breath -
making love to you was never second best -
I saw the world thrashing all around your face -
never really knowing it was always mesh and lace -
I'll stop the world and melt with you -
you've seen the difference and -
it's getting better all the time -
there's nothing you and I won't do -
I'll stop the world and melt with you -
dream of better lives the kind which never hate -
dropped in the state of imaginary grace -
I made a pilgrimage to save this human race -
never comprehending a race that long gone by -
I'll stop the world and melt with you -
you've seen the difference and it's getting better all the time -
there's nothing you and I won't do -
I'll stop the world and melt with you -
the future's open wide..."
- Modern English


Wednesday, July 11

como si fuera esta noche la última vez


With sparkling blue eyes and an unforgettable voice Antioco plays his guitar and serenades beautiful Maruca...remembering my beloved grandparents, truly Grand Parents on their wedding anniversary...


Bésame, bésame mucho,
Como si fuera esta noche
La última vez.

Bésame, bésame mucho,
Que tengo miedo a perderte
Perderte después.

Quiero tenerte muy cerca,
Mirarme en tus ojos,
Y estar junto a tí.

Piensa que tal vez mañana,
Estaré muy lejos,
Muy lejos de aquí.

Bésame, bésame mucho,
Que tengo miedo a perderte
Perderte después.

- original lyrics by Consuelo Velázquez (1917- 2005)


Tuesday, July 10

joy follows




- my shadow is long and lean -


"We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think.  When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves." - Buddha



There are infinite ways to purify one's mind.



I sit in silence, focusing on my breath...



I paint with absolute abandon...



I practice yoga...



I focus on the sacredness of the present moment...



I dance the wild dance of a woman taken over by ecstasy...





Monday, July 9

gloriousness and wretchedness


"Life is glorious, but life is also wretched. It is both. Appreciating the gloriousness inspires us, encourages us, cheers us up, gives us a bigger perspective, energizes us. We feel connected. But if that's all that's happening, we get arrogant and start to look down on others, and there is a sense of making ourselves a big deal and being really serious about it, wanting it to be like that forever. The gloriousness becomes tinged by craving and addiction. On the other hand, wretchedness--life's painful aspect--softens us up considerably. Knowing pain is a very important ingredient of being there for another person. When you are feeling a lot of grief, you can look right into somebody's eyes because you feel you haven't got anything to lose--you're just there. The wretchedness humbles us and softens us, but if we were only wretched, we would all just go down the tubes. We'd be so depressed, discouraged, and hopeless that we wouldn't have enough energy to eat an apple. Gloriousness and wretchedness need each other. One inspires us, the other softens us. They go together."

- Pema Chodron 



Sunday, July 8

tu risa resbalada




"I crave your mouth, your voice, your hair. Silent and starving, I prowl through the streets.

Bread does not nourish me, dawn disrupts me, all day

hunt for the liquid measure of your steps.

I hunger for your sleek laugh,
your hands the color of a savage harvest,
hunger for the pale stones of your fingernails,
I want to eat your skin like a whole almond.


I want to eat the sunbeam flaring in your lovely body,
the sovereign nose of your arrogant face,
I want to eat the fleeting shade of your lashes,


and I pace around hungry, sniffing the twilight,
hunting for you, for your hot heart,
like a puma in the barrens of Quitratúe."


- Pablo Neruda translated by Stephen Tapscott





"Tengo hambre de tu boca, de tu voz, de tu pelo
y por las calles voy sin nutrirme, callado,
no me sostiene el pan, el alba me desquicia,
busco el sonido líquido de tus pies en el día.


Estoy hambriento de tu risa resbalada,
de tus manos color de furioso granero,
tengo hambre de la pálida piedra de tus uñas,
quiero comer tu piel como una intacta almendra.


Quiero comer el rayo quemado en tu hermosura,
la nariz soberana del arrogante rostro,
quiero comer la sombra fugaz de tus pestañas


y hambriento vengo y voy olfateando el crepúsculo
buscándote, buscando tu corazón caliente
como un puma en la soledad de Quitratúe."


- Pablo Neruda






detail from mixed media on paper



Saturday, July 7

liquid moonlight


"A Wild Woman doesn't want to be your Girly friend

Can you love me in the deep? In the dark? In the thick of it?

Can you love me when I drink from the wrong bottle and slip through the crack in the floorboard?

Can you love me when I’m bigger than you, when my presence blazes like the sun does, when it hurts to look directly at me?

Can you love me then too?

Can you love me under the starry sky, shaved and smooth, my skin like liquid moonlight?

Can you love me when I am howling and furry, standing on my haunches, my lower lip stained with the blood of my last kill?

When I call down the lightning, when the sidewalks are singed by the soles of my feet, can you still love me then?

What happens when I freeze the land, and cause the dirt to harden over all the pomegranate seeds we’ve planted?

Will you trust that Spring will return?

Will you still believe me when I tell you I will become a raging river, and spill myself upon your dreams and call them to the surface of your life?

Can you trust me, even though you cannot tame me?

Can you love me, even though I am all that you fear and admire?

Will you fear my shifting shape?

Does it frighten you, when my eyes flash like your camera does?

Do you fear they will capture your soul?

Are you afraid to step into me?

The meat-eating plants and flowers armed with poisonous darts are not in my jungle to stop you from coming. Not you.

So do not worry. They belong to me, and I have invited you here.

Stay to the path revealed in the moonlight and arrive safely to the hut of Baba Yaga: the wild old wise one… she will not lead you astray if you are pure of heart.

You cannot be with the wild one if you fear the rumbling of the ground, the roar of a cascading river, the startling clap of thunder in the sky.

If you want to be safe, go back to your tiny room — the night sky is not for you.

If you want to be torn apart, come in. Be broken open and devoured. Be set ablaze in my fire.

I will not leave you as you have come: well dressed, in finely-threaded sweaters that keep out the cold.

I will leave you naked and biting. Leave you clawing at the sheets. Leave you surrounded by owls and hawks and flowers that only bloom when no one is watching.

So, come to me, and be healed in the unbearable lightness and darkness of all that you are.

There is nothing in you that can scare me. Nothing in you I will not use to make you great.

A wild woman is not a girlfriend. She is a relationship with nature. She is the source of all your primal desires, and she is the wild whipping wind that uproots the poisonous corn stalks on your neatly tilled farm.

She will plant pear trees in the wake of your disaster.

She will see to it that you shall rise again.

She is the lover who restores you to your own wild nature."

- Alison Nappi 


Friday, July 6

amazing grace


"Life is a classroom. We are both student and teacher. Each day is a test. And each day we receive a passing or failing grade in one particular subject: GRACE.

Grace is compassion, gratitude, surrender, faith, forgiveness, good manners, reverence, and the list goes on.

It's something money can't buy and credentials rarely produce. Being the smartest, the prettiest, the most talented, the richest, or even the poorest, can't help. Being a humble person can and being a helpful person can guide you through your days with grace and gratitude."

- PHILOSOPHY

snapshot - detail from an altar at home a couple years ago, with a magic golden branch and amethyst healing crystals...the flowers were a surprise gift from someone and the watercolor was created by my beloved son 



Thursday, July 5

chaos


What is our response to chaos?

Can we manage to view chaos as something positive?

"Chaos should be regarded as extremely good news." 
- Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche 

"One must still have chaos in oneself to be able to give birth to a dancing star."
- Friedrich Nietzsche 

"In all chaos there is a cosmos, in all disorder a secret order." 
- Carl Jung

"Chaos is a friend of mine." 
- Bob Dylan



Wednesday, July 4

gonna make you


"...Intention I feel inventive,


Gonna make you, make you, make you notice -


Got motion restrained emotion...


No reason just seems so pleasing,


Gonna make you, make you, make you notice -

Gonna use my arms,


Gonna use my legs,


Gonna use my style,

Gonna use my sidestep,

Gonna use my fingers,

Gonna use my, my, my imagination -

'Cause I gonna make you see,


There's nobody else here,


No one like me,

I'm special so special,

I gotta have some of your attention give it to me -

Got rhythm I can't miss a beat...



Got something I'm winking at you,

Gonna make you, make you, make you notice...Give it to me..."

- The Pretenders

in an 80s mood




Tuesday, July 3

somewhere somehow

- 2013 mixed media on paper -

When an irresistible force such as you
Meets and old immovable object like me
You can bet as sure as you live
Something's gotta give
Something's gotta give
Something's gotta give
When an irrepressible smile such as yours
Warms an old implacable heart such as mine
Don't say no because I insist
Somewhere, somehow
Someone's gonna be kissed
So En Garde who knows what the fates have in store
From their vast mysterious sky?
I'll try hard ignoring those lips I adore
But how long can anyone try?
Fight, fight, fight, fight, fight it with all of our might
Chances are some heavenly star spangled night
We'll find out as sure as we live
Something's gotta give
Something's gotta give
Something's gotta give


-  original music and lyrics by Johnny Mercer, sung by Ella Fitzgerald




Monday, July 2

con tu nombre

- my eye -
- my beach -
Si me quitaran totalmente todo
si, por ejemplo, me quitaran el saludo
de los pájaros, o los buenos días
del sol sobre la tierra,
me quedaría
aún una palabra.
Aún me quedaría una palabra
donde apoyar la voz.
Si me quitaran las palabras,
o la lengua,
hablaría con el corazón
en la mano,
o con las manos en el corazón.
Si me quitaran una pierna-
bailaría en un pie.
Si me quitaran un ojo
lloraría en un ojo.
Si me quitaran un brazo
me quedaría el otro,
para saludar a mis hermanos,
para sembrar los surcos de la tierra,
para escribir todas las playas del mundo, con tu nombre, amor mío.

- Alejandro Romualdo (1926-2008)

Sunday, July 1

a fuego lento a fuego viejo


"A fuego lento tu mirada -
A fuego lento tú o nada -
Vamos fraguando esta locura -
Con la fuerza de los vientos y calor de la ternura -
Sigue el camino del cortejo -
A fuego lento a fuego viejo -
Sigue avivando nuestra llama -
Con todo lo que te quiero y lo mucho que me amas -
A fuego lento me haces agua -
Contigo tengo el alma enamorada -
Me llenas, me vacías, me desarmas -
Ay ay ay amor cuando me amas -
A fuego lento revoltosas -
Caricias que parecen mariposas -
Se cuelan por debajo de la ropa - 
Y van dejando el sentimiento amor forjado a fuego lento -
A fuego lento mi cintura -
A fuego lento y con lisura -
Vamos tramando este alboroto -
Con la danza de los mares y el sabor del poco a poco -
Sigo el camino del cortejo -
A fuego lento a fuego añejo -
Sigo avivando en nuestra llama -
Tantos días como sueños, tantos sueños que no acaban.."
- Rosana Arbelo

Saturday, June 30

my ovaries and Snoop Dogg


Two years ago I dreamed I was good friends with Snoop Dogg. He wore two braids, a purple suit, sunglasses and a CASIMIRA necklace.


We spoke about our fears and my ovaries. He showed me enormous paintings he had purchased at my latest exhibit...


Analyze that: Snoop Dogg, fears, my ovaries and enormous paintings...

...and a CASIMIRA necklace...

I need to paint. A lot more...

images found online and saturated in blue hues


Friday, June 29

hold the space


"The only beloved who can always be counted on is God. The ultimate partner is a divine one, an experience of ourselves that is totally supportive and forgiving. Until we know this, we keep seeking sustenance from men that they cannot give us. Most men and women today are wounded. The search for some one who isn't in pain is unreasonable until we ourselves are healed of our own dysfunctions. Until then, we will be led to people as wounded as we are in order that we might heal and be healed together. What this means is that NO PARTNER can save us, deliver us, or give meaning to our lives. The source of our salvation, deliverance, and meaning is within us. It is the love we give as much as it is the love we get. The passion we need to feed is our relationship to God. This is ultimately our relationship with ourselves.

It's not as easy as a good date, as much fun as sex, or as dramatic as romantic tension. It is work. Personal growth, recovery, religious practice, spiritual renewal - whatever words we care to use - these are the keys to our return to sanity and peace. When we have reclaimed our wholeness, we are ready to face the worldly beloved. Until then, we will look to a romantic partner to give us peace rather than remember that our role in the relationship is to BRING peace, by receiving it from God allowing him to spread his peace through us to all mankind.

How often I have betrayed myself, forgetting - or more accurately, resisting - the twenty minutes of meditation, the hour of reading, the spiritual meeting or recovery group that would prepare me for the roller coaster ride that always lies potential in an intimate relationship. Part of our problem is that we expect love affairs to always feel good. They don't. Actually, relationships don't feel good anyway. We feel good. Unless we are centered within ourselves, we cannot blame a relationship for throwing us off. No man can convince a woman she's wonderful, but if she already believes she is, his agreement can resonate and bring her joy.

This is our function in each other's lives: to hold the space for each other's beauty, that our beloved can leave us and we still feel in his absence how beautiful we are."

- Marianne Williamson

I received this passage after my daily ritual of morning meditation, prayer and yoga...

and my dear, if the word "god" turns you off, simply substitute it with one that connects you with the Divine Life Force that resides within...





Thursday, June 28

sacred sweat

- detail from watercolor on paper -
how do you pray?

when do you pray?

do you pray?

Although I have encountered moments of reverence at churches during masses throughout the ceremonies,  my soul's prayers - my connection with the Divine - are more purely and more intensely felt elsewhere.  In nature.  In silence.  In dance.  In painting.  In yoga.  In sculpting.  In lovemaking.  In compassion.  In laughter.  In salty tears. In long embraces.

Today I sweat my prayers...

"To sweat is to pray, to make an offering of your innermost self.  Sweat is holy water, prayer beads, pearls of liquid that release your past.  Sweat is an ancient and universal form of self healing, whether done in the gym, the sauna, or the sweat lodge.  I do it on the dance floor.  The more you dance, the more you sweat.  The more you sweat, the more you pray.  The more you pray, the closer you come to ecstasy." - Gabrielle Roth




Wednesday, June 27

que sepas


“Te confieso que no tengo un instante sin pensar en ti, que cuanto como y bebo tiene tu sabor, que la vida eres tú a toda hora y en todas partes. Que el gozo supremo de mi corazón sería morirme contigo. -¿Y ahora? - Ahora nada - Me basta con lo que sepas."

- Gabriel Garcia Marquez

Tuesday, June 26

te extraño


"Te extraño -


como se extrañan las noches sin estrellas, 

como se extrañan las mañanas bellas, 
no estar contigo, por Dios que me hace daño.

Te extraño - 

cuando camino, cuando lloro, cuando río, 
cuando el sol brilla, cuando hace mucho frío, 
porque te siento como algo muy mío.

Te extraño - 

como los árboles extrañan el otoño, 
en esas noches que no concilio el sueño, 
no te imaginas Amor, cómo te extraño.

Te extraño - 

en cada paso que siento solitario, 
cada momento que estoy viviendo a diario, 
estoy muriendo Amor porque te extraño.

Te extraño - 

cuando la aurora comienza a dar colores, 
con tus virtudes, con todos tus errores, 
por lo que quieras no sé, pero te extraño..."

- Armando Manzanero 

detail from mixed media on canvas


Monday, June 25

all my pictures of you

- a little sketch from my journals -
"I've been looking so long at these pictures of you 
That I almost believe that they're real 
I've been living so long with my pictures of you
That I almost believe that the pictures are 
All I can feel

Remembering
You standing quiet in the rain
As I ran to your heart to be near
And we kissed as the sky fell in
Holding you close
How I always held close in your fear

Remembering
You running soft through the night
You were bigger and brighter and whiter than snow
And screamed at the make-believe
Screamed at the sky
And you finally found all your courage
To let it all go

Remembering
You fallen into my arms
Crying for the death of your heart
You were stone white
So delicate
Lost in the cold
You were always so lost in the dark

Remembering
You how you used to be
Slow drowned
You were angels
So much more than everything
Hold for the last time then slip away quietly
Open my eyes
But I never see anything

If only I'd thought of the right words
I could have held on to your heart
If only I'd thought of the right words
I wouldn't be breaking apart
All my pictures of you

Looking so long at these pictures of you
But I never hold on to your heart
Looking so long for the words to be true
But always just breaking apart
My pictures of you

There was nothing in the world
That I ever wanted more
Than to feel you deep in my heart

There was nothing in the world
That I ever wanted more
Than to never feel the breaking apart
All my pictures of you" - THE CURE



I am finally finding all of my courage to let it all go...






Sunday, June 24

woman


"Imagine a woman who believes it is right and good she is a woman.

A woman who honors her experience and tells her stories.

Who refuses to carry the sins of others within her body and life.

Imagine a woman who trusts and respects herself.

A woman who listens to her needs and desires.

Who meets them with tenderness and grace.

Imagine a woman who acknowledges the past's influence on the present.

A woman who has walked through her past.

Who has healed into the present.

Imagine a woman who authors her own life.

A woman who exerts, initiates, and moves on her own behalf.

Who refuses to surrender except to her truest self and wisest voice.

Imagine a woman who names her own gods.

A woman who imagines the divine in her image and likeness.

Who designs a personal spirituality to inform her daily life.

Imagine a woman in love with her own body.

A woman who believes her body is enough, just as it is.

Who celebrates its rhythms and cycles as an exquisite resource.

Imagine a woman who honors the body of the 
Goddess in her changing body.

A woman who celebrates the accumulation of her years and her wisdom.

Who refuses to use her life-energy disguising the changes in her body and life.

Imagine a woman who values the women in her life.

A woman who sits in circles of women.

Who is reminded of the truth about herself when she forgets.

Imagine yourself as this woman."

“Imagine a Woman” © Patricia Lynn Reilly, 1995