With words and images, I am telling my story. Through art, through sculpture, I am remembering HERstory...

Sunday, October 22

compulsive impulse to write

I have kept a journal for decades. I cannot remember a time when I was not writing.

I have been sharing favorite quotes, songs and excerpts from my journals on this public blog since 2007. I am finally feeling ready to publish some of my poetry and personal mythology in print...and I came upon these insightful words:

"The impulse to write things down is a peculiarly compulsive one, inexplicable to those who do not share it, useful only accidentally, only secondarily, in the way that any compulsion tries to justify itself. I suppose that it begins or does not begin in the cradle. Although I have felt compelled to write things down since I was five years old, I doubt that my daughter ever will, for she is a singularly blessed and accepting child, delighted with life exactly as life presents itself to her, unafraid to go to sleep and unafraid to wake up. Keepers of private notebooks are a different breed altogether, lonely and resistant rearrangers of things, anxious malcontents, children afflicted apparently at birth with some presentiment of loss."
- Joan Didion

snapshot: a corner of my home

Saturday, October 21

love is touching souls

Just before our love got lost you said -

"I am as constant as a northern star" and I said, 

"Constantly in the darkness -
Where's that at?...

Oh you are in my blood like holy wine -
You taste so bitter -
And so sweet oh -
I could drink a case of you,

darling and I would -
Still be on my feet -
Oh I would still be on my feet -

Oh I am a lonely painter -
I live in a box of paints -
I'm frightened by the devil -
And I'm drawn to those ones that ain't afraid -

I remember that time that you told me, you said -
"Love is touching souls" -
Surely you touched mine 'cause -
Part of you pours out of me -
In these lines from time to time -

Oh you are in my blood like holy wine -
You taste so bitter -
And so sweet oh -
I could drink a case of you darling -
Still I'd be on my feet -
I would still be on my feet -

I met a woman -
She had a mouth like yours, she knew your life -
She knew your devils and your deeds,

and she said -
"Go to him -
stay with him if you can -
But be prepared to bleed..."

- Joni Mitchell (circa 1971)


Friday, October 20

piensas en mí

"Si tienes un hondo penar -
Piensa en mí;
Si tienes ganas de llorar -
Piensa en mí.
Ya ves que venero
Tu imagen divina,
Tu párvula boca
Que siendo tan niña,
Me enseñó a besar.
Piensa en mí -
Cuando sufras,
Cuando llores
También piensa en mí.
Cuando quieras
Quitarme la vida,
No la quiero para nada,
Para nada me sirve sin ti."
- Agustín Lara y María Teresa Lara

te mando un beso 
a media noche 
estoy despierta 
siento tus pensamientos 
piensas en mí 

Thursday, October 19

shouting their bad advice

"One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you  
kept shouting 
their bad advice -
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations -
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice,
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do -
determined to save
the only life that you could save."

- Mary Oliver

seeing clearly
on this dark new moon

severing ties
- their projections 
- their fear of the truth
- their narcissism 
- their judgement 

bless them all 
teachers, mirrors, disguised demons

Wednesday, October 18

dripping down my chin

"do not choose the lesser life.
do you hear me.
do you hear me.
choose the life that is. yours.
the life that is seducing your lungs.
that is dripping down your chin.” 

- Nayyirah Waheed

Tuesday, October 17


"Before, as soon as I came home from all sorts of places I would sit down and write in my journal. 

Now I want to write you, talk with you...

For me it is all symphonic, and I am so aroused by living...in you alone I have found the same swelling of enthusiasm, the same quick rising of the blood, the fullness... 

Before, I almost used to think there was something wrong. Everybody else seemed to have the brakes on... I never feel the brakes. I overflow. And when I feel your excitement about life flaring, next to mine, then it makes me dizzy..." 

- Anais Nin

Monday, October 16

una madurez deliciosamente mía

"La edad me esta recreando. Un rostro desconocido empieza a aparecer sobre mi rostro. Cada día, en vez de la semblanza a la que estoy habituada, otra mujer se asoma en el espejo y me mira desde una madurez que aún no reconozco como mia." 

- Gioconda Belli

mi alma no tiene edad...pero la edad me esta recreando con una madurez deliciosamente mía...y no tengo tiempo para cosas (o personas) sin almas...

"Understand me...I live in another dimension and I do not have time for things that have no soul..." 

- C. Bukowski 

Sunday, October 15

telegraph to your soul

"Every time I think of you 
I always catch my breath 
And I'm still standing here 
And you're miles away 
And I'm wondering why you left

And there's a storm that's raging
Through my frozen heart tonight

I hear your name in certain circles
And it always makes me smile
I spend my time
Thinking about you
And it's almost driving me wild

And there's a heart that's breaking
Down this long distance line tonight

I ain't missing you at all
Since you've been gone away
I ain't missing you
No matter what I might say

There's a message in the wire
And I'm sending you this signal tonight
You don't know
How desperate I've become
And it looks like I'm losing this fight
In your world
I have no meaning
Though I'm trying hard to understand

And it's my heart that's breaking
Down this long distance line tonight

I ain't missing you at all
Since you've been gone away
I ain't missing you
No matter what my friends say

And there's a message that I'm sending out

Like a telegraph to your soul

And if I can't bridge this distance
Stop this heartbreak overload

I ain't missing you at all
Since you've been gone away
I ain't missing you
No matter what my friends say

I ain't missing you
I ain't missing you
I can lie to myself

And there's a storm that's raging
Through my frozen heart tonight

I ain't missing you at all
Since you've been gone away
I ain't missing you
No matter what my friends say

Ain't missing you
I ain't missing you
I ain't missing you
I can lie to myself
Ain't missing you...

No matter what my friends might say
I ain't missing you..."

- John Waite

Saturday, October 14

silent devotion

"light reflects from your shadow,
it is more than I thought could exist,
you move through the room,
like breathing was easy,
if someone believed me,

they would be,
as in love with you as I am,
they would be,
as in love with you as I am,
they would be,
as in love with you as I am,
they would be,
in love, love, love...

and everyday,
I'm learning about you,
the things that no one else sees,
and the end comes too soon,
like dreaming of angels,

and leaving without them,
and with words unspoken,
a silent devotion,
I know you know what I mean,
and the end is unknown,
but I think I'm ready,
as long as you're with me,

as in love with you as I am
as in love, love, love..." 

- Romy Madley Croft

Friday, October 13

put on your red shoes

"Let's dance -

Put on your red shoes and dance the blues -

Let's dance -

To the song they're playin' on the radio -

Let's sway -

While color lights up your face -

Let's sway -

Sway through the crowd to an empty space -
If you say run
I'll run with you
And if you say hide
We'll hide
Because my love for you
Would break my heart in two
If you should fall into my arms
And tremble like a flower
Let's dance
Let's dance
For fear your grace should fall
Let's dance
For fear tonight is all
Let's sway
You could look into my eyes
Let's sway
Under the moonlight, this serious moonlight
And if you say run
I'll run with you
And if you say hide
We'll hide
Because my love for you
Would break my heart in two
If you should fall into my arms
And tremble like a flower
Let's dance
Put on your red shoes and dance the blues
Let's sway
Under the moonlight, this serious moonlight
Let's dance
Let's dance
Let's dance, dance, dance..."
- David Bowie
detail from a snapshot I took this morning of my little dancer in her striped pajamas and red shoes 

Thursday, October 12

Antioco Sacasa-Sarria

My brilliant grandfather whose soft, melodic voice I hear in my mind and in dreams, was born on this day in the year 1913. 

My beloved fellow Libran with eyes the color of skies...


Wednesday, October 11

he moved her chemically

"Her heart sank into her shoes as she realized at last how much she wanted him. No matter what his past was, no matter what he had done. Which was not to say that she would ever let him know, but only that he moved her chemically more than anyone she had ever met, that all other men seemed pale beside him." 

- F. Scott Fitzgerald 

snapshot: Roman Imperial Rosso AnticoTorso, circa 1st century A.D.

Tuesday, October 10

rhino skin and elephant balls

"You need rhino skin
If you're gonna begin
To walk
Through this world
You need elephant balls
If you don't want to crawl
On your hands
Through this world

Oh my love if I reveal
Every secret I've concealed
How many thoughts would you steal
How much of my pain would you feel

You need eagles wings
To get over things
That make no sense
In this world

You need rhino skin
If you're gonna pretend
You're not hurt by this world

If you listen long enough
You can hear my skin grow tough
Love is painful to the touch
Must be made of stronger stuff

You need rhino skin
To get to the end
Of the maze through this world

You need rhino skin
Or you're gonna give in
To the needles and pins
The arrows of sin
The evils of men
You need rhino skin..."

- Tom Petty

Monday, October 9

your presence

"...I don't know how to tell you what I feel. I live in perpetual expectancy. You come and the time slips away in a dream. It is only when you go that I realize completely your presence. And then it is too late. You numb me...I don't know what to expect of you, but it is something in the way of a miracle. I am going to demand everything of you - even the impossible, because you encourage it. You are really strong. I even like your deceit, your treachery. It seems aristocratic to me." 

- Henry Miller 

Sunday, October 8

desde el pie hasta el alma

"Porque te tengo y no -
porque te pienso -
porque la noche está de ojos abiertos -
porque la noche pasa y digo amor -
porque has venido a recoger tu imagen -
y eres mejor que todas tus imágenes -

porque eres linda desde el pie hasta el alma -

porque eres buena desde el alma a mi -
porque te escondes dulce en el orgullo -
pequeña y dulce -
corazón coraza -

porque eres mía -
porque no eres mía -
porque te miro y muero -
y peor que muero -
si no te miro amor -
si no te miro - 

porque tu siempre existes dondequiera -
pero existes mejor donde te quiero -
porque tu boca es sangre -
y tienes frío -
tengo que amarte amor -
tengo que amarte -
aunque esta herida duela como dos -
y aunque -
la noche pase y yo te tenga -
y no."

- Mario Benedetti 

Saturday, October 7

valor and daring

"Your love 

should never be offered 

to the mouth of a stranger,

Only to someone who has 

the valor and daring 

to cut pieces of their soul off with a knife

then weave them into a blanket

to protect you."

- my beloved Hafiz

Friday, October 6

un baile silencioso

"Yo tuve un amor atlántico
y me converti en sirena
y en mi carne morena
sentí el calor
silbando fuerte a mi alrededor
y tuve un amor lunatico
y me converti en planeta
y estuvimos dando vueltas
en un baile silencioso
las estrellas calladas
como nosotros
y ahora tengo un amor
que es un calor
que navega su aire en el viento
que conoce mis buenos momentos, mis males
y el sabor de mis puntos cardinales
yo tuve un amor antártico
y la nieve me esperaba
noche y dia fría, helada
pero a mi no me importaba
porque el hielo conservaba nuestro ardor
y ahora tengo un amor
que es un calor
que navega su aire en el viento
que conoce mis buenos momentos, mis males
y el sabor de mis puntos cardinales..." 

- Ana Torroja

Thursday, October 5

dile que lo quiero

may tonight's full moon grant you mystical dreams, tell you a story or sing you a love song...

"...Luna que se quiebra sobre la tiniebla 
de mi soledad, a dondé vas?
Dime si esta noche, tú te vas de ronda
como el se fué. Con quién está?
Dile que lo quiero, dile que me muero
de tanto esperar. Que vuelva ya..."
- Agustín Lara

Wednesday, October 4

my love

"When the rain is blowing in your face,
And the whole world is on your case,
I could offer you a warm embrace,
To make you feel my love.

When the evening shadows and the stars appear,
And there is no one there to dry your tears,
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love.

I know you haven't made your mind up yet, but I will never do you wrong.

I've known it from the moment that we met, no doubt in my mind where you belong.

I'd go hungry; I'd go black and blue,
And I'd go crawling down the avenue.
No, there's nothing that I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love.

The storms are raging on the rolling sea
And on the highway of regret.
The winds of change are blowing wild and free,
You ain't seen nothing like me yet.

I could make you happy, make your dreams come true.
Nothing that I wouldn't do.
Go to the ends of the Earth for you,
To make you feel my love..."
- Bob Dylan 

Tuesday, October 3

one day

"You and I will meet again -

When we're least expecting it -

One day in some far off place -

I will recognize your face -

I won't say goodbye my friend -

For you and I will meet again."

- Tom Petty (1950-2017)

Monday, October 2

the joy of everything else

"If my world were to cave in tomorrow, I would look back on all the pleasures, excitements and worthwhilenesses I have been lucky enough to have had. Not the sadness, not my miscarriages or my father leaving home, but the joy of everything else. It will have been enough."
- Audrey Hepburn (1929-1993)

mixed media on paper

Sunday, October 1

vibrate love

mixed media on wood, 2009

so much sorrow
so much suffering
how can we heal our planet?

let us begin with
inner peace
so that we may
vibrate love

let us be conscious
of everything we consume
news, food, conversations
are these bringing us closer to peace?

"It is not that I do not wish to mix with others, but living alone in freedom is a better path for me. When I think about the misery of those in this world, their sadness becomes mine. Oh, that my monk's robe was wide enough to gather up all the suffering people in this floating world."

- Ryōkan Taigu (1758–1831)

Saturday, September 30

an escape from misery

still digesting these ideas...

"Excitement seems to be equivalent to ecstasy; it is not. Excitement is a state of tension, it feels good because the old is disappearing and the new is coming in. A new breeze, a new experience - it is good to welcome it with an excited heart...

Excitement is only a welcome, but the welcome is not the whole story. The coolness has to come, and coolness is far deeper, far more valuable than any excitement can be. So jumping up and down has to stop. Sit silently, be calm and cool. Ecstasy is coolness, it is not excitement. 

If you accept coolness, then only will the deeper experience of coolness give you the experience of ecstasy. It will be full of life, but not childish. It will be full of joy, but with deep contentment. The joy will not be against sadness, the joy will be beyond sadness.

...Try to understand it very clearly: excitement is just an escape from misery. It gives only a pseudo experience of joy. Because you are no more miserable you think you are joyous - not to be miserable is equivalent to being joyous. Joy is a positive phenomenon. Not to be miserable is just a forgetfulness. The misery is waiting back home for you: whenever you come back it will be there. 

When excitement disappears, one starts thinking 'Now what is the point of this love?' In the West love dies with excitement, and that is a calamity. In fact love had never been born. It was just love of excitement, it was not real love. It was just an effort to move away from oneself. It was a search for sensation. You rightly use the word 'fun' - it was fun but it was not intimacy. When excitement disappears and you start feeling loving, love can grow; now the feverish days are over. This is the true beginning." - OSHO

Is it possible that we become attached - even addicted - to excitement? 

Friday, September 29

long tongues and envious hearts

detail from silk pouch in a private collection 2009

those with long tongues talk and talk
yet say NOTHING of importance

those with envious hearts talk and talk
and bury themselves in mud-like energy

forgiving and blessing
those with long tongues and envious hearts

from my 2009 journals and resonating with me these days

Thursday, September 28

bring come your cup near me

"I know the way you can get when you have not had a drink of Love;  your face hardens, your sweet muscles cramp.

Children become concerned about a strange look that appears in your eyes which even begins to worry your own mirror and nose.

Cats sense your sadness and call in an important conference in a tall tree.  They decide which secret code to chant to help your mind and soul.

Even angels fear that brand of madness that arrays itself against the world and throws sharp stones and spears into the innocent and into one's self.

Oh I know that way you can get if you have not been drinking Love: 

 - You might rip apart every sentence your friends and teachers say, looking for hidden clauses. 

 - You might weigh every word on a scale like a dead fish. 

 - You might pull out a ruler to measure from every angle in your darkness the beautiful dimensions of a heart you once trusted.

I know the way you can get if you have not had a drink from Love's hands.

That is why all the Great Ones speak of the vital need to keep remembering God, so you will come to know and see Him as being so giving and wanting, just wanting to help.

That is why Hafiz says,

"Bring your cup near me, for a I am a Sweet Old Vagabond with an infinite leaking barrel of Light and Laughter and Truth that the Beloved has tied to my back.  Dear One, indeed, please bring your heart near me.  For all I care about is quenching your thirst for freedom!  All a sane man can ever care about is giving LOVE!"

- my beloved HAFIZ

mixed media on paper

Wednesday, September 27

sit with pain

"It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon...
I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow
if you have been opened by life’s betrayals
or have become shriveled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic
to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,

It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the center of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments."

© Oriah Mountain Dreamer from the book "The Invitation"

a reminder to be true to myself, to my dreams, to my art...

Tuesday, September 26


"I’m a princess cut from marble, smoother than a storm.
And the scars that mark my body, they’re silver and gold.
My blood is a flood of rubies, precious stones.
It keeps my veins hot, the fire's found a home in me.
I move through town, I’m quiet like a fight.
And my necklace is of rope, I tie it and untie.

And now people talk to me, but nothing ever hits home.
People talk to me, and all the voices just burn holes.
I’m done with it.

This is the start of how it all ends.
They used to shout my name, now they whisper it.
I’m speeding up and this is the red, orange, yellow flicker beat sparking up my heart.
We're at the start, the colors disappear.
I never watch the stars, there’s so much down here.
So I just try to keep up with the red, orange, yellow flicker beat sparking up my heart.

I dream all year, but they’re not the sweet kinds.
And the shivers move down my shoulder blades in double time.

And now people talk to me, I’m slipping out of reach now.
People talk to me, and all their faces blur.
But I got my fingers laced together and I made a little prison, and I’m locking up everyone who ever laid a finger on me.
I’m done with it." - LORDE

mixed media from a new series, 2017