HER-story:

With words and images, I am telling my story. Through art, through sculpture, I am remembering HERstory...
CASIMIRA

Tuesday, June 30

intimate friends


"Like two golden birds perched on the selfsame tree, intimate friends, the ego and the Self dwell in the same body. The former eats the sweet and sour fruits of the tree of life, while the latter looks on in detachment."
- The Mundaka Upanishad

snapshots from the sunrise today






Monday, June 29

salt water


"The cure for anything is salt water: sweat, tears or the sea." - Isak Dinesen

morning sweat

afternoon tears

evening sea

a very full day ended with an almost full moon...

a gift of authentic friendship

a mother's healing blessing

a taco party

a sweet moment between pure hearts

a pair of planets 

a gift from the sea

truth or dare? I took the dare and succeeded in 23 seconds

in a long, black dress

barefoot in the sand




Sunday, June 28

amazing grace


I woke up to meet the sunrise...and without realizing, began humming the tune of this song:

  1. "Amazing grace! How sweet the sound
    That saved a wretch like me!
    I once was lost, but now am found;
    Was blind, but now I see.
  2. ’Twas grace that taught my heart to fear,
    And grace my fears relieved;
    How precious did that grace appear
    The hour I first believed.
  3. Through many dangers, toils and snares,
    I have already come;
    ’Tis grace hath brought me safe thus far,
    And grace will lead me home.
  4. The Lord has promised good to me,
    His Word my hope secures;
    He will my Shield and Portion be,
    As long as life endures.
  5. Yea, when this flesh and heart shall fail,
    And mortal life shall cease,
    I shall possess, within the veil,
    A life of joy and peace.
  6. The earth shall soon dissolve like snow,
    The sun forbear to shine;
    But God, who called me here below,
    Will be forever mine.
  7. When we’ve been there ten thousand years,
    Bright shining as the sun,
    We’ve no less days to sing God’s praise
    Than when we’d first begun."
  8. - John Newton (1725-1807)

Saturday, June 27

the beginning of a certain end


"Your skin like dawn -
Mine like dusk.

One paints the beginning -
of a certain end.

The other, the end of a
sure beginning."
- Maya Angelou

snapshot taken this afternoon


Friday, June 26

spiritual or sexual?


My beloved RUMI...

"They try to say what you are, spiritual or sexual? 

They wonder about Solomon and all his wives.

In the body of the world, they say, there is a soul and you are that.

But we have ways within each other that will never be said by anyone."
- RUMI

but we have ways within each other that will never be said by anyone...

spiritual or sexual?

"Let the beauty we love be what we do. There are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the ground." - RUMI




Thursday, June 25

my secret vice

- my shoulder -

"Solitude, says the moon shell.  Every person, especially every woman, should be alone sometime during the year, some part of each week, and each day.  How revolutionary that sounds and how impossible of attainment...As far as the search for solitude is concerned, we live in a negative atmosphere as invisible, as all-pervasive, and as enervating as high humidity on an August afternoon.  The world today does not understand, in either man or woman, the need to be alone.

How inexplicable it seems.  Anything else will be accepted as a better excuse.  If one sets aside time for a business appointment, a trip to the hairdresser, a social engagement, or a shopping expedition, that time is accepted as inviolable.  But if one says:  I cannot come because that is my hour to be alone, one is considered rude, egotistical or strange.  What a commentary on our civilization, when being alone is considered suspect; when one has to apologize for it, make excuses, hide the fact that one practices it - like a secret vice!

Actually these are among the most important times in one's life - when one is alone.

Certain springs are tapped only when we are alone.  The artist knows she must be alone to create; the writer, to work out her thoughts; the musician, to compose; the saint, to pray.  But women need solitude in order to find again the true essence of themselves: that firm strand which will be the indispensable center of a whole web of human relationships.  She must find that inner stillness which Charles Morgan describes as "the stilling of the soul within the activities of the mind and body so that it might be still as the axis of a revolving wheel is still."

This beautiful image is to my mind the one that women could hold before their eyes.  This is an end toward which we could strive - to be the still axis within the revolving wheel of relationships, obligations, and activities.  Solitude alone is not the answer to this; it is only a step toward it, a mechanical aid, like the "room of one's own" demanded for women, before they could make their place in the world.  The problem is not entirely in finding the room of one's own, the time alone, difficult and necessary as this is.  The problem is more how to still the soul in the midst of its activities.  In fact, the problem is how to feed the soul."
- Anne Morrow Lindbergh

so, how will you feed your soul today?

Wednesday, June 24

she looked for answers in the stars


La princesa Maya buscaba la respuesta en las estrellas. Una noche de luna, ella por fin sabia lo que tenia que hacer. Comenzó a subir la pirámide hasta llegar a la luz...

excerpt from a short story which began in a dream


Tuesday, June 23

sky spirits


"If you believe in God, please look at the sky," he whispered.

The sudden, heavy rains had stopped and the golden summer sun was setting.

We went out for an evening stroll to receive celestial blessings. I began to see angels and benevolent beings dancing in the clouds.

"What is deeper than fear?" he asked.

Abandonment is what came up for me.

"Under fear there might be sadness or happiness," our wise 6-year-old answered. 

Something shifted tonight. 

The sudden, heavy rains had stopped and the summer golden sun was setting.

I forgave someone who had hurt me through her grief and judgement.

I freed myself.

I saw angels and benevolent beings dancing in the clouds.

I felt the sky spirits a shaman told me about many moons ago...








Monday, June 22

listen


"You are so busy reacting to what happens or does not happen in your life that you do not have time to savor your experience. You don't feel your joy or your pain, your anger or your grief. This is unfortunate.

You are wasting so much time looking for answers to your problems outside of yourself. If you just took the time to be with yourself, the answers would arise spontaneously.

Learn to be present with your experience. I'm not saying "try to figure it out." "Being with" is not an analytical activity. Indeed, recognize that you cannot figure your experience out. You can either be with it, or you can intellectualize it, which of course is an escape.

Every moment you are receiving helpful suggestions which can aid you in steering the ship of your life back on course. But you cannot hear these suggestions if you don't take the time "to be" and "to listen." Ironically, it is precisely at those times when you are most frantic trying to figure out and "fix" your problems that you most need to be quiet and listen. You may not realize that at first. But you can't help but notice that the more you try to figure things out the more confused they get.

Sooner or later yo will give up trying to "make your life work" the way you think it should. And then perhaps you will wonder "why am I going through this transition time? Is there something in my focus that needs to change?" And you will learn to listen for the answer.

Usually, when you are on a collision course, the answer that you receive is something like: "slow down, look around. Maybe you are not really going where you think you're going."

That might not seem like such a great answer, but it is sufficient to help you take the next step. Slowing down and looking around is the beginning of correction.

As long as things are flowing smoothly in your life, you need not seek correction. But when the waters get turbulent, you would do well to pause and consider your course.

Just this much timely introspection would make a profound difference in your life. There are times when external reality simply closes down around you and the only appropriate place to go is within.

I am not asking you to meditate for tow hours every day. Nor am I saying that regular meditation isn't helpful. I'm just saying that there are times in your life when you need to be quiet and listen. If you learn to honor those times, you will save yourself a lot of grief.

The more you learn to listen within, the more you will begin to "be with" your experience as it happens. You will develop a partnership with your life, a willingness to participate, to feel and experience what comes along.

When you refuse to take time to be with your experience, it seems as if you are a victim of what happens in your life. That is a great self-deception. You have related to your experience as something you must conquer and control. And when your experience refuses to conform to your expectations, you feel that you are being unjustly punished. That is not what is happening. Instead, you are merely experiencing the negative effects of your need to control.

You are not open to your experience. You are not in constant relationship to it. You are not in dialogue with it. It is no wonder that you have a love hate relationship with it. You love it when it goes your way and hate it when it does not. Yours is a black and white experience. Life is either totally blessing you or totally punishing you.

The truth is that life is neither blessing you or punishing you. It is working with you to help you awaken to the truth of who you are. Life is your teacher. It is giving you constant feedback and correction, but you do not choose to listen.

Choosing to listen means surrendering to your partnership with life. It means accepting the dance of thought, action and correction. It means experiencing all of this as a necessary but not unsavory part of the learning process."
- Paul Ferrini



Sunday, June 21

father's day

- my father and my son -

"Close your eyes, have no fear, the monster is gone, 
he is on the run and your Daddy is here...

Before you go to sleep, 
say a little prayer, 
every day in every way, 
it's getting better and better...

Before you cross the street, 
take my hand. 
Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful boy..."
- John Lennon


boys become men who become fathers...

on this Father's Day, 
let us take a moment and 
acknowledge the beautiful boy within every father...




Saturday, June 20

on the eve of summer solstice


"Here comes the sun, here comes the sun and I say it's all right.  

Little darling, it's been a long cold lonely winter.  

Little darling, it feels like years since it's been here...

Little darling, the smiles returning to the faces.  

Little darling, it seems like years since it's been here.  

Here comes the sun, here comes the sun and I say it's all right. 

Sun, sun, sun, here it comes.
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes...

Little darling, I feel that ice is slowly melting.

Little darling, it seems like years since it's been clear.

Here comes the sun, here comes the sun and I say it's all right..."
- The Beatles

how will you celebrate and manifest light?

shall we sing?  shall we dance?  

shall we wake up with the sunrise and give thanks for another day?

detail from mixed media on canvas

Friday, June 19

unconditional love


"You are loved and cherished.

You have nothing to fear.

There is nothing you can do wrong.

If I had to boil this entire message down to once sentence, it would run this way:

You are loved.

And if I had to boil it down further, to just one word, it would (of course) be, simply:

Love.

Love is, without a doubt, the basis of everything. Not some abstract, hard-to-fathom kind of love but the day-to-day kind that everyone knows - the kind of love we feel when we look at our spouse and our children, or even our animals. In its purest and most powerful forms, this love is not jealous or selfish, but unconditional..."

- Eben Alexander 
"Proof of Heaven: A Neurosurgeon's Journey into the Afterlife"

Thursday, June 18

did I ask too much?


"Is it getting better? Or do you feel the same? Will it make it easier on you now? You got someone to blame.

You say: one love, only life, when it's one need in the night...

Did I disappoint you? Or leave a bad taste in your mouth? 

You act like you've never had love and now you want me to go without.

Well, it's too late tonight to drag the past out into the light. We're one, but we're not the same...

Have you come here for forgiveness?
Have you come to raise the dead? 

...Did I ask too much? More than a lot?

You gave me nothing. 
Now it's all I got.

We're one, but we're not the same. 
Well, we hurt each other and then we do it again. 

You say love is a temple, love the higher law. You ask me to enter, but then you make me crawl. 

And I can't be holding on to what you got, when all you got is hurt.

One love.
One blood.
One life.
You got to do what you should.
One life, with each other.
Sisters, brothers, one life.

But we're not the same,
we get to carry each other..."
- U2


Wednesday, June 17

the fool


A strange day, stranger than most perhaps. I woke up before sunrise. I prayed. I meditated. I stretched. I breathed. 

She saw him from a distance. She saw him for a moment and sensed the blue melancholy of his soul in anguish, tormented.

A strange day, stranger than most perhaps.

She received a message from him. Impersonal. Brief. Cold. Sterile. Dry. Mechanical. Alien. Bland. Forced. She understood it was not actually from him...

A strange day, stranger than most perhaps. I asked for insight:

"The Fool. Orpheus emerges unsuccessful and howling from the Underworld. A new journey of immense significance and success is about to begin, though he does not know this yet. Orpheus' trip to and from the Underworld - and beyond - is the Fool's journey. Life itself is the Fool's journey as we, like Orpheus, choose and lose, risk and gain, guess and fail, try and succeed. We take risks so we can truly live. Orpheus demonstrates living with a genuine love and intensity for life - regardless of the result.

Idealism. Wisdom and absurdity. Bravery and folly. Mania and caution. Futility and reward. Paradox."

- J.D. Hildegard Hinkel


living with a genuine love and intensity for life regardless of the result...yes...

SNAPSHOT - a corner of my desk 


Tuesday, June 16

procuro alejarme


"Procuro olvidarte,
siguiendo la ruta,
de un pájaro herido.

Procuro alejarme,
de aquellos lugares,
donde nos quisimos.

Me enrredo en amores,
sin ganas ni fuerzas,
por ver si te olvido.

Y llega la noche,
y de nuevo comprendo,
que te necesito.

Procuro olvidarte,
haciendo en el día,
mil cosas distintas...

Lo que haría,
por qué estuvieras tu,
por que siguieras tu conmigo.

Lo que haría,
por no sentirme así,
por no vivir así,
perdido..."
-Hernaldo Zúñiga 

remembering a moment in slow motion...


Monday, June 15

my hair is being pulled by the stars again


"I'm awaiting a lover. I have to be rent and pulled apart and live according to the demons and the imagination in me. I'm restless. Things are calling me away. My hair is being pulled by the stars again."
- Anais Nin

a playful moment captured by my Latin Lover...my impromptu pillow is a mixed media on canvas...


Sunday, June 14

parasite disguised as flower


"Despite the meager soil, the world's largest flower has found a way to survive. The Rafflesia is no ordinary flower...it has neither roots, leaves, nor stems, but instead lives as a parasite inserting strings of tissue into a vine, absorbing all the nutrients it needs from it's host...once they bloom their leathery petals unfurl for just a few days. Locally it's known as the Corpse Flower, not only because of its peculiar resemblance to a putrefying piece of meat, but because it also gives off the stench of rotting flesh. This smell, wafting through the still air, attracts carrion flies, which act as polinators. After just four days of flowering, the huge petals wither and die." 
- Wildest Indochina: Malaysia

excerpt from a documentary my son was watching...

the description of this so-called "flower" has me contemplate relationships between a host and a hungry parasite...






Saturday, June 13

prepared to pick up the pieces

- mixed media on paper -

"Sometimes being a friend means mastering the art of timing. There is a time for silence. A time to let go and allow people to hurl themselves into their own destiny. A time to prepare to pick up the pieces when it's all over." - Octavia Butler

friendship is truly an art...

I am learning to bite my tongue, despite my intuition...

despite my knowing...

silence...

patience...

prayers of protection...

forgiveness...

above all, love and compassion...

I am prepared to pick up the pieces when it's all over...




Friday, June 12

an expired relationship

I love beets. I love to eat them and paint with their unforgiving, staining juices.  
Beets remind me of Grand Mother and God Mother. I can almost taste the unforgettable beet soup with Guru Spiritual Mother... 
Yesterday, I discovered a jar and a can of sliced beets...both had expired.  
What are we holding on to that has already expired? 
expired ideas 
expired relationships 
expired habits
This is from my 2010 journals.  With the exception of creamy nut butters, coconut mana and the occasional canned albacore or sardine for salads, I rarely consume anything out of a jar or can anymore.

A lot has changed...I doubt I am the same person I was only yesterday. I believe we have the ability to evolve with each conscious, mindful breath as we discover the depths our essence.

I am intrigued by the idea of expired relationships.  In our heart of hearts, we sense when a relationship begins to fade.  I am referring to all kinds of relationships - not only lovers, partners and spouses...

So can friendships be rekindled?  Are they even suppose to be?  Do we hold on to connections out of some sense of obligation, duty, honor or even guilt? Can relationships be recycled in some way?  What about karmic and co-dependant connections?  

So many questions. I am relieved to realize that I am okay with not having answers.  There more I learn and grow, the less I truly know...and I am relishing this sense of freedom and liberation.  

It is all a dance... Life is a wildly mysterious and wonderful dance...

from my journals



Thursday, June 11

opening the way


"The world will know and understand me someday. But if that day does not arrive, it does not greatly matter. I shall have opened the way for other women."
- George Sand

In order to open the way for other women, I must know and understand myself - something I strive for every single day.

excerpt from my journals and mixed media from 2008 

Wednesday, June 10

levels of consciousness


"How wonderful to go beyond wanting and fearing in your relationships. Love does not want or fear anything.

If her past were your past, her pain your pain, her level of consciousness your level of consciousness, you would think and act exactly as she does. With this realization comes forgiveness, compassion, peace.

The ego doesn't like to hear this, because if it cannot be reactive and righteous anymore, it will lose strength.

When you receive whoever comes into the space of Now as a noble guest, when you allow each person to be as they are, they begin to change."

- Eckhart Tolle

I opened the book to this passage...




Tuesday, June 9

thinking of you


"The Important Things Humans Do:

Go to work. Eat. Dream. Try to sleep. Think of you.

Count the stars. Wake up. Think of you.

Be here. Listen to what they're saying. Think of you.

Cook. Read. Watch TV. Think of you.

Pay attention. I'm thinking of you."

- pleasefindthis
(not a typo)


snapshot: a corner of my world



Monday, June 8

unstoppable


"she was
unstoppable
and she took
anything
she wanted
with a smile."
- R.M. Drake



Sunday, June 7

fire in the belly


determined...

purified...

unstoppable...

secure...

there is a fire in my belly...

"Good men and good women have fire in the belly. We are fierce. Don't mess with us if you're looking for someone who will always be nice to you. Nice gets you a C+ in life.  We don't always smile, talk in a soft voice, or engage in indiscriminate hugs..." - Sam Keen


Saturday, June 6

supressed joy


we sat under The Princess Tree,

who kissed us with her leaves and seeds,

blessings of life, death and fertility

upon our heads...


we ate with our hands,

like children,

as water spilled playfully,

emotions and energies flowed

effortlessly


my hands honored 

the fire in my belly

and I discovered 

delicious 

supressed joy 


"The end is the beginning of all things, supressed and hidden, awaiting to be released through the rhythm of pain and pleasure." - Krishnamurti


snapshot of The Princess Tree






Friday, June 5

overwhelming lust and the composure of fidelity


"Born of the sea, fluid and sensuous Venus absorbs agression, softens anger, refreshes the soul, and bestows comfort. She simultaneously embodies overwelming lust and the composure of fidelity. Wisely, the ancients feared Venus's capacity to drown reason while revering her as a source of divine bliss and fulfillment. As the goddess of love, pleasure, sensuality, beauty, and fertility, Venus personifies essential blessings."
- J.D. Hildegard Hinkel

overwhelming lust and the composure of fidelity...

 

Thursday, June 4

seven years someday


"If you leave, don't leave now,
please don't take my heart away.

Promise me, just one more night,
Then we'll go our separate ways.

We always had time on our side,
but now it's fading fast.

Every second, every moment,
we've got to, we've got to make it last.

I touch you once.
I touch you twice.
I won't let go at any price.
I need you now, like I needed you then.
You aways said we'd still be friends, someday.

If you leave, I won't cry.
I won't waste one single day.
But if you leave, no don't look back,
I'll be running the other way.

Seven years went under the bridge,
like time was standing still.

Heaven knows what happens now,
you've got to, you've got to say you will.

I touch you once.
I touch you twice.
I won't let go at any price.
I need you now, like I needed you then.
You always said we'd meet again, someday.

Oh if you leave...
...please don't leave..."

- OMD (Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark), circa 1986


Wednesday, June 3

off with HER head


"We have come together to fall apart

The queen of chaos straddles
our corpora callosa

Reins of raw silk weaving our wills
into the corners of the collective mind

There's more to chaos than meets the mind
dialoguing with demons, goddesses
and gods

Wings lying unconscious at our sides
rise and shudder

If chaos were only chaos
we wouldn't sit in the darkness
of new moons choking back howls

If chaos were only chaos
this edge would rise up razor sharp
and take off our heads

Off with our heads!

We'd eat our cake and dance on the crumbs

Oh, God!

If chaos were only chaos
she'd take her spiked heel
and pierce our throats

Ripe verbs would do us all night

Words would fly from our lips like birds
in a formation never seen by humans

If chaos were only chaos
the words wouldn't matter
and the poem would always be there

Always be there

Be there

Be there

We have come together here

We have come together

We have come together to fall apart."

- Jewel Mathieson



the warrior in me has awakened

decapitating demons

slashing fears
through tears

crushing judgements
while dancing and dreaming

the warrior in me

the blessed spiritual warrior in me
manifesting peace




Tuesday, June 2

Queen of Sheba


"Wisdom is 
sweeter than honey,
brings more joy 
than wine,
illumines 
more than the sun,
is more precious 
than jewels.

She causes
the ears to hear
and the heart to comprehend.

I love her
like a mother,
and she embraces me
as her own child.

I will follow
her footprints
and she will not cast me away."

- Makeda, Queen of Sheba (ca. 960/1000 B.C.)

a corner of my home...mixed media on paper with silk and bronze, a feather found on one of my daily walks, meditation crystals and a playful golden snake...

Monday, June 1

ancestors whisper words of wisdom


"Walking, I am listening to a deeper way. Suddenly, all my ancestors are behind me. Be still, they say. Watch and listen. You are the result of the love of thousands." - Linda Hogan

be still...
watch...
listen...

words of wisdom...