te extraño

"Te extraño -

como se extrañan las noches sin estrellas, 

como se extrañan las mañanas bellas, 

no estar contigo, por Dios que me hace daño.

Te extraño - 

cuando camino, cuando lloro, cuando río, 

cuando el sol brilla, cuando hace mucho frío, 

porque te siento como algo muy mío.

Te extraño - 

como los árboles extrañan el otoño, 

en esas noches que no concilio el sueño, 

no te imaginas Amor, cómo te extraño.

Te extraño - 

en cada paso que siento solitario, 

cada momento que estoy viviendo a diario, 

estoy muriendo Amor porque te extraño.

Te extraño - 

cuando la aurora comienza a dar colores, 

con tus virtudes, con todos tus errores, 

por lo que quieras no sé, pero te extraño..."

- Armando Manzanero 

detail from mixed media on canvas

recuerdos

"Hay almas que tienen
azules luceros,
mañanas marchitas
entre hojas del tiempo,
y castos rincones
que guardan un viejo
rumor de nostalgias
y sueños.

Otras almas tienen
dolientes espectros
de pasiones. Frutas
con gusanos. Ecos
de una voz quemada
que viene de lejos
como una corriente
de sombra. Recuerdos
vacíos de llanto
y migajas de besos.
Mi alma está madura
hace mucho tiempo,
y se desmorona
turbia de misterio.
Piedras juveniles
roídas de ensueño
caen sobre las aguas
de mis pensamientos.
Cada piedra dice:
“¡Dios está muy lejos!”

- Federico García Lorca (1898-1936)

las flores de mayo

"Parece mentira,

Que después de tanto tiempo,
Rotos nuestros lazos,
Sigamos manteniendo la ilusión,
En nuestro aniversario.

La misma mesita,
Que nos ha visto amarrar,
Las manos por debajo,
Cuida que el rincón de siempre,
Permanezca reservado.

Y aunque la historia se acabó,
Hay algo vivo en ese amor,
Que aunque empeñados en soplar,
Hay llamas que ni con el mar.

Las flores de Mayo,
Poco a poco cederán,
A las patas de gallo,
Y nos buscaremos con los ojos,
Por si queda algo.

El siete de Septiembre,
Es nuestro aniversario,
Y no sabremos si besarnos,
En la cara o en los labios.

Y aunque la historia se acabó,
Hay algo vivo en ese amor,
Que aunque empeñados en soplar,
Hay llamas que ni con el mar.

El siete de Septiembre,
Es nuestro aniversario...

- Mecano

just the thought of you

"The very thought of you
I forget to do
Those little ordinary things
That everyone ought to do
I'm livin' in a kind of a daydream
I'm happy as a queen
And foolish though it may seem
To me that's everything
The mere idea of you
The longing here for you
You'll never know
How slow the moments go
Till I'm near to you
I see your face in every flower
Your eyes in stars above
It's just the thought of you,
The very thought of you, my love..."

- as sung by Billie Holiday

Queen of Sheba

"Wisdom is
sweeter than honey,
brings more joy
than wine,
illumines
more than the sun,
is more precious
than jewels.

She causes
the ears to hear
and the heart to comprehend.

I love her
like a mother,
and she embraces me
as her own child.

I will follow
her footprints
and she will not cast me away."

- Makeda, Queen of Sheba 

no pido mucho

"Look, I don't ask much, just your hand, to hold it...I need that door you gave me for coming into your world, that little chunk of green sugar, of a lucky ring. Can't you just spare me your hand tonight at the end of a year of hoarse-voiced-owls? You can't for technical reasons. So I weave it in the air, warping each finger, the silky peach of the palm and the back, that country of blue trees. That's how I take it and hold it, as if so much of the world depended on it..."

- Julio Cortázar translated by Stephen Kessler

the original version in Spanish always takes my breath away...

"Mira, no pido mucho, solamente tu mano, tenerla...Necesito esa puerta que me dabas para entrar a tu mundo, ese trocito de azúcar verde, de redondo alegre. No me prestas tu mano en esta noche de fin de año de lechuzas roncas? No puedes, por razones técnicas. Entonces la tramo en aire, urdiendo cada dedo, el durazno sedoso de la palma y el dorso, ese país de azules árboles. Así la tomo y la sostengo, como si de ello dependiera muchísimo del mundo..."

- Julio Cortázar 

never second best

"moving forward using all my breath -
making love to you was never second best -
I saw the world thrashing all around your face -
never really knowing it was always mesh and lace -
I'll stop the world and melt with you -
you've seen the difference and -
it's getting better all the time -
there's nothing you and I won't do -
I'll stop the world and melt with you -
dream of better lives the kind which never hate -
dropped in the state of imaginary grace -
I made a pilgrimage to save this human race -
never comprehending a race that long gone by -
I'll stop the world and melt with you -
you've seen the difference and it's getting better all the time -
there's nothing you and I won't do -
I'll stop the world and melt with you -
the future's open wide..." - Modern English

at ease within

"...Many people use alcohol, drugs, sex, food, work, television, or even shopping as anesthetics in an unconscious attempt to remove the basic unease. When this happens, an activity that might be very enjoyable if used in moderation becomes imbued with a compulsive or addictive quality, and all that is ever achieved through it is extremely short-lived symptom relief.

...The best indicator of your level of consciousness is how you deal with life's challenges when they come. Through those challenges, an already unconscious person tends to become more deeply unconscious, and a conscious person more intensely conscious. You can use a challenge to awaken you, or you can allow it to pull you into deeper sleep. The dream of ordinary unconsciousness then turns into a nightmare.

If you cannot be present even in normal circumstances, such as when you are sitting alone in a room, walking in the woods, or listening to someone, then you certainly won't be able to stay conscious when something 'goes wrong' or you are faced with difficult people or situations, with loss or the threat of loss. You will be taken over by a reaction, which ultimately is always some form of fear, and pulled into unconsciousness. Those challenges are your tests. Only the way in which you deal with them will show you and others where you are at - as far as your state of consciousness is concerned, not how long you can sit with your eyes closed or what visions you see.

So it is essential to bring more consciousness into your life in ordinary situations when everything is going relatively smoothly. In this way, you grow in presence power. It generates an energy field in you and around you of a high vibrational frequency. No unconsciousness, no negativity, no discord or violence can enter that field and survive, just as darkness cannot survive in the presence of light.

When you learn to be the witness of your thoughts and emotions, which is an essential part of being present, you may be surprised when you become aware of the background 'static' of ordinary unconsciousness and realize how rarely, if ever, you are truly at ease within yourself. On the level of your thinking, you will find a great deal of resistance in the form of judgement, discontent, and mental projection away from the NOW. On the emotional level, there will be an undercurrent of unease, tension, boredom, or nervousness. Both are aspects of the mind in its habitual resistance mode."

- Eckhart Tolle

silent devotion

"light reflects from your shadow,
it is more than I thought could exist,
you move through the room,
like breathing was easy,
if someone believed me,

they would be,
as in love with you as I am,
they would be,
as in love with you as I am,
they would be,
as in love with you as I am,
they would be,
in love, love, love...

and everyday,
I'm learning about you,
the things that no one else sees,
and the end comes too soon,
like dreaming of angels,

and leaving without them,

and with words unspoken,
a silent devotion,
I know you know what I mean,
and the end is unknown,
but I think I'm ready,
as long as you're with me,

being
as in love with you as I am
as in love, love, love..." 
- Romy Madley Croft

un rayo que te parte los huesos

"Lo que mucha gente llama amar consiste en elegir una mujer y casarse con ella. La eligen, te lo juro, los he visto. Como si se pudiera elegir en el amor, como si no fuera un rayo que te parte los huesos y te deja estaqueado en la mitad del patio. Vos dirás que la eligen porque la aman, yo creo que es al vesre. A Beatriz no se la elige, a Julieta no se la elige. Vos no elegís la lluvia que te va a calar hasta los huesos cuando salís de un concierto."

- Julio Cortazar

it might just be fantastic

"Don't get me wrong

If I'm looking kind of dazzled

I see neon lights

Whenever you walk by

Don't get me wrong

If you say hello and I take a ride

Upon a sea where the mystic moon

Is playing havoc with the tide

Don't get me wrong

Don't get me wrong

If I'm acting so distracted

I'm thinking about the fireworks

That go off when you smile

Don't get me wrong

If I split like light refracted

I'm only off to wander

Across a moonlit mile

Once in awhile

Two people meet

Seemingly for no reason

They just pass on the street

Suddenly thunder, showers everywhere

Who can explain the thunder and rain

But there's something in the air

Don't get me wrong

If I come and go like fashion

I might be great tomorrow

But hopeless yesterday

Don't get me wrong

If I fall in the 'mode of passion'

It might be unbelievable

But let's not say so long

It might just be fantastic

Don't get me wrong..." 

- The Pretenders

my right eye

missing my forehead, he kissed my right eye...

your scent

"I threw my heart to the winds

and followed you.

One day the wind brought me your scent,

my heart swelled in gratitude

and scattered in the wind."

- RUMI

in the deep

"But can you love me in the deep? In the dark? In the thick of it?

Can you love me when I drink from the wrong bottle and slip through the crack in the floorboard?

Can you love me when I’m bigger than you, when my presence blazes like the sun does, when it hurts to look directly at me?

Can you love me then too?

Can you love me under the starry sky, shaved and smooth, my skin like liquid moonlight?

Can you love me when I am howling and furry, standing on my haunches, my lower lip stained with the blood of my last kill?

When I call down the lightning, when the sidewalks are singed by the soles of my feet, can you still love me then?

What happens when I freeze the land, and cause the dirt to harden over all the pomegranate seeds we’ve planted?

Will you trust that Spring will return?

Will you still believe me when I tell you I will become a raging river, and spill myself upon your dreams and call them to the surface of your life?

Can you trust me, even though you cannot tame me?

Can you love me, even though I am all that you fear and admire?

Will you fear my shifting shape?

Does it frighten you, when my eyes flash like your camera does?

Do you fear they will capture your soul?

Are you afraid to step into me?

The meat-eating plants and flowers armed with poisonous darts are not in my jungle to stop you from coming. Not you.

So do not worry. They belong to me, and I have invited you here.

Stay to the path revealed in the moonlight and arrive safely to the hut of Baba Yaga: the wild old wise one… she will not lead you astray if you are pure of heart.

You cannot be with the wild one if you fear the rumbling of the ground, the roar of a cascading river, the startling clap of thunder in the sky.

If you want to be safe, go back to your tiny room — the night sky is not for you.

If you want to be torn apart, come in. Be broken open and devoured. Be set ablaze in my fire.

I will not leave you as you have come: well dressed, in finely-threaded sweaters that keep out the cold.

I will leave you naked and biting. Leave you clawing at the sheets. Leave you surrounded by owls and hawks and flowers that only bloom when no one is watching.

So, come to me, and be healed in the unbearable lightness and darkness of all that you are.

There is nothing in you that can scare me. Nothing in you I will not use to make you great.

A wild woman is not a girlfriend. She is a relationship with nature. She is the source of all your primal desires, and she is the wild whipping wind that uproots the poisonous corn stalks on your neatly tilled farm.

She will plant pear trees in the wake of your disaster.

She will see to it that you shall rise again.

She is the lover who restored you to your own wild nature."

- Alison Nappi

snapshot of my eye

mi amor se nutre de tu amor

"Quiero que sepas
una cosa.
Tú sabes cómo es esto:
si miro
la luna de cristal, la rama roja
del lento otoño en mi ventana,
si toco
junto al fuego
la impalpable ceniza
o el arrugado cuerpo de la leña,
todo me lleva a ti,
como si todo lo que existe,
aromas, luz, metales,
fueran pequeños barcos que navegan
hacia las islas tuyas que me aguardan.
Ahora bien,
si poco a poco dejas de quererme
dejaré de quererte poco a poco.
Si de pronto
me olvidas
no me busques,
que ya te habré olvidado.
Si consideras largo y loco
el viento de banderas
que pasa por mi vida
y te decides
a dejarme a la orilla
del corazón en que tengo raíces,
piensa
que en ese día,
a esa hora
levantaré los brazos
y saldrán mis raíces
a buscar otra tierra.
Pero
si cada día,
cada hora
sientes que a mí estás destinada
con dulzura implacable.
Si cada día sube
una flor a tus labios a buscarme,
ay amor mío, ay mía,
en mí todo ese fuego se repite,
en mí nada se apaga ni se olvida,
mi amor se nutre de tu amor, amada,
y mientras vivas estará en tus brazos
sin salir de los míos."
- Pablo Neruda

"I want you to know

one thing.

You know how this is: 
if I look 
at the crystal moon, at the red branch 
of the slow autumn at my window, 
if I touch 
near the fire 
the impalpable ash 
or the wrinkled body of the log, 
everything carries me to you, 
as if everything that exists, 
aromas, light, metals, 
were little boats 
that sail 
toward those isles of yours that wait for me. 

Well, now, 
if little by little you stop loving me 
I shall stop loving you little by little. 

If suddenly 
you forget me 
do not look for me, 
for I shall already have forgotten you. 

If you think it long and mad, 
the wind of banners 
that passes through my life, 
and you decide 
to leave me at the shore 
of the heart where I have roots, 
remember 
that on that day, 
at that hour, 
I shall lift my arms 
and my roots will set off 
to seek another land. 

But 
if each day, 
each hour, 
you feel that you are destined for me 
with implacable sweetness, 
if each day a flower 
climbs up to your lips to seek me, 
ah my love, ah my own, 
in me all that fire is repeated, 
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten, 
my love feeds on your love, beloved, 
and as long as you live it will be in your arms 
without leaving mine."

- Pablo Neruda

detail from mixed media on canvas, 2017

woman

"Imagine a woman who believes it is right and good she is a woman.

A woman who honors her experience and tells her stories.

Who refuses to carry the sins of others within her body and life.

Imagine a woman who trusts and respects herself.

A woman who listens to her needs and desires.

Who meets them with tenderness and grace.

Imagine a woman who acknowledges the past's influence on the present.

A woman who has walked through her past.

Who has healed into the present.

Imagine a woman who authors her own life.

A woman who exerts, initiates, and moves on her own behalf.

Who refuses to surrender except to her truest self and wisest voice.

Imagine a woman who names her own gods.

A woman who imagines the divine in her image and likeness.

Who designs a personal spirituality to inform her daily life.

Imagine a woman in love with her own body.

A woman who believes her body is enough, just as it is.

Who celebrates its rhythms and cycles as an exquisite resource.

Imagine a woman who honors the body of the 

Goddess in her changing body.

A woman who celebrates the accumulation of her years and her wisdom.

Who refuses to use her life-energy disguising the changes in her body and life.

Imagine a woman who values the women in her life.

A woman who sits in circles of women.

Who is reminded of the truth about herself when she forgets.

Imagine yourself as this woman."

“Imagine a Woman” © Patricia Lynn Reilly, 1995

se me corta la respiración

"Yo te miro, se me corta la respiración
Cuanto tu me miras se me sube el corazón 

me palpita lento el corazón 

Y en silencio tu mirada dice mil palabras 

La noche en la que te suplico que no salga el sol...

Tu cuerpo y el mio llenando el vacío 
Subiendo y bajando...
Ese fuego por dentro me esta enloqueciendo,
Me va saturando

Con tu física y tu química también tu anatomía
La cerveza y el tequila y tu boca con la mía
Ya no puedo mas 
Ya no puedo mas 
Con esta melodía, tu color, tu fantasía
Con tu filosofía mi cabeza esta vacía
Y ya no puedo mas 
Ya no puedo mas 

Yo quiero estar contigo, vivir contigo
Bailar contigo, tener contigo
Una noche loca 
Ay besar tu boca 
Yo quiero estar contigo, vivir contigo
Bailar contigo, 

tener contigo una noche loca con tremenda loca

Tu me miras y me llevas a otra dimensión 

estoy en otra dimensión
Tu latidos aceleran a mi corazón,

Que ironía del destino no poder tocarte
Abrazarte y sentir la magia de tu olor...

Bailando amor, es que se me va el dolor..."

- Enrique Iglesias 

snapshot of my sweaty shoulder after dancing...

truly dance

"You would know the secret of death.

But how shall you find it unless you seek it in the heart of life?

The owl whose night-bound eyes are blind unto the day cannot unveil the mystery of light.

If you would indeed behold the spirit of death, open your heart wide unto the body of life.

For life and death are one, even as the river and the sea are one.

In the depth of your hopes and desires lies your silent knowledge of the beyond;
And like seeds dreaming beneath the snow your heart dreams of spring.

Trust the dreams, for in them is hidden the gate to eternity.

Your fear of death is but the trembling of the shepherd when he stands before the king whose hand is to be laid upon him in honour.

Is the shepherd not joyful beneath his trembling, that he shall wear the mark of the king?

Yet is he not more mindful of his trembling?

For what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun?

And what is it to cease breathing, but to free the breath from its restless tides, that it may rise and expand and seek God unencumbered?

Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing.

And when you have reached the mountain top, then you shall begin to climb.

And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance."

- Kahlil Gibran

my beloved Mimi, 16 years ago today you began to truly dance and your love continues to guide and encourage me

sacred dance of motherhood

 "I may not work outside the home, but I sure as heck work in it.

Be it homeschooling, housework, raising my kids, or working from home, I have stuff to do. I don’t sit around all day, eating cheesecake and napping.

Don’t assume that just because someone doesn’t leave the house for work, they’re just waiting for someone else to come along and give them something to do with their time."

- Melissa Charles

my children come first...motherhood is a sacred dance I have chosen and been blessed with...

motherworld

I am on this earth to mother: to nurture, to birth, to heal, to create, to mourn, to play...to dance the sacred, wild dance of motherhood, remembering HERstory...

"Avalon is psychologically a motherworld. It is the shadow of patriarchal consciousness, repressed and thus feared and distorted, as are any contents of the personal or collective unconscious that are denied. It is also the world of the Mother we once lived in if we were cherished in infancy; in growing up, we left this behind. This mother-world is personally prehistoric, before our own specific memories, as matriarchal history is also. Avalon as mother-world also continues to exist, side by side with rational consciousness, to be entered only when we alter consciousness by falling asleep and dreaming, fall in love, or are in a situation in which the veils between the worlds are thinner and we cross over.

...A model for the existence of motherworld and fatherworld exists as right and left brain psychology, in which the dominant left brain is rational, verbal, and linear, while the right brain is nonverbal, nonrational, nonlinear. The function of the right brain is less appreciated but has to do with images, emotional coloration of experiences, and song (if words at all); the right brain is open to alternative realities.

To cross to Avalon is to remember the archetypal Mother, the Goddess in her several forms and many names, to rediscover the feminine mysteries and the sacred in embodied experiences. Avalon exists where divinity dwells in nature and quickens in the pilgrim. Where there is feminine divinity, there is access to Avalon..."

- Jean Shinoda Bolen, M.D.

a favorite snapshot from a series 

I might take the chance

"Well, he walked up to me and he asked me if I wanted to dance.

He looked kinda nice and so I said I might take a chance.

When he danced he held me tight.

And when he walked me home that night, all the stars were shining bright.

And then he kissed me.

Each time I saw him I couldn't wait to see him again.

I wanted to let him know that he was more than a friend.

I didn't know just what to do,
So I whispered I love you.

And he said that he loved me too
And then he kissed me.

He kissed me in a way that I've never been kissed before,
He kissed me in a way that I wanna be kissed forever more.

I knew that he was mine so I gave him all the love that I had.

And one day he took me home to meet his mon and his dad.

Then he asked me to be his bride,
And always be right by his side.

I felt so happy I almost cried
And then he kissed me..."

- Phil Spector, Ellie Greenwich & Jeff Barry

my lips, selfie from today 

without apology

"This is your time. Your time to say what you have kept silent. Your time to ask your big questions without apology. Your time to shine like a blazing comet, whether they like it or not. Your time to believe what your heart tells you: that this world could be very different. Your time to live by your rhythms, and teach them to the world. Your time to nurture your village back to health. Your time to show the world what it has been missing. Your time to show the world the other side of itself."
- T.S. Mohr

telegraph to your soul

"Every time I think of you -

I always catch my breath 

And I'm still standing here 

And you're miles away 

And I'm wondering why you left

And there's a storm that's raging

Through my frozen heart tonight

I hear your name in certain circles

And it always makes me smile

I spend my time

Thinking about you

And it's almost driving me wild

And there's a heart that's breaking

Down this long distance line tonight

I ain't missing you at all

Since you've been gone away

I ain't missing you

No matter what I might say

There's a message in the wire

And I'm sending you this signal tonight

You don't know

How desperate I've become

And it looks like I'm losing this fight

In your world

I have no meaning

Though I'm trying hard to understand

And it's my heart that's breaking

Down this long distance line tonight

I ain't missing you at all

Since you've been gone away

I ain't missing you

No matter what my friends say

And there's a message that I'm sending out

Like a telegraph to your soul

And if I can't bridge this distance

Stop this heartbreak overload

I ain't missing you at all

Since you've been gone away

I ain't missing you

No matter what my friends say

I ain't missing you

I ain't missing you

I can lie to myself

And there's a storm that's raging

Through my frozen heart tonight

I ain't missing you at all

Since you've been gone away

I ain't missing you

No matter what my friends say

Ain't missing you

I ain't missing you

I ain't missing you

I can lie to myself

Ain't missing you...

No matter what my friends might say

I ain't missing you..."

- John Waite