tu y yo

"Yo no se si tu no se si yo

Seguirimos siendo como hoy

No se si despues de amanecer, 

vamos a sentir la misma sed 

Para que pensar y suponer, 

no preguntes cosas que no se... yo no se

No se donde vamos a parar, 

eso ya la piel nos lo dira

Para que jurar y prometer,

algo que no esta en nuestro poder

Yo no se lo que es eterno, 

no me pidas algo que es del tiempo

Yo no se mañana, yo no se mañana,

Si estaremos juntos, si se acaba el mundo

Yo no se si soy para ti, si seras para mi

Si lleguemos a amarnos o a odiarnos

Yo no se mañana, yo no se mañana,

Quien va a estar aqui 

De un cafe pasamos al sofa, 

de un boton a todo lo demas

No pusimos reglas ni reloj, 

aqui estamos solos tu y yo

Todo lo que ves es lo que soy, 

no me pidas mas de lo que doy

Yo no se mañana, yo no se mañana,

Si estaremos juntos, si se acaba el mundo

Yo no se si soy para ti, si seras para mi

Si lleguemos a amarnos o a odiarnos

Yo no se mañana, yo no se mañana,

Quien va a estar aqui

Esta vida es igual a un libro

Cada pagina es, un dia vivido

No tratemos de correr antes de andar

Esta noches estamos vivos

Solo este momento es realidad

Oh no, no, no se

Yo no se mañana

Esta vida es una ruleta que gira sin parar

Yo no se mañana

Yo no se si tu, yo no se si yo, como sera el final

Yo no se mañana

Puede ser peor, o puede ser mejor

Yo no se mañana

Deja que el corazon decida vida mia lo que sentimos

Mañana... yo no se

Yo no se, yo no se mañana

Ahora lo que vivimos es algo realmente lindo,

Quien puede saber lo que pasara mañana 

no hay nada escrito

Yo no se, yo no se mañana

Estamos solo tu y yo

Y los momentos hay que vivirlos... hay que vivirlos

Yo no se mañana, yo no se mañana,

Si estaremos juntos, si se acaba el mundo

Yo no se si soy para ti, si seras para mi

Si lleguemos a amarnos o a odiarnos

Yo no se mañana, yo no se mañana..."

- Luis Enrique

ahora lo que vivimos es algo realmente lindo...

y los momentos hay que vivirlos...hay que vivirlos...

todo que ves es lo que soy, no te pido mas de lo que das...

deja que el corazon decida vida mia lo que sentimos...

tigers and strawberries

- mixed media on paper from my journals -

“There is a story of a woman running away from tigers. She runs and runs and the tigers are getting closer and closer. When she comes to the edge of a cliff, she sees some vines there, so she climbs down and holds on to the vines. Looking down, she sees that there are tigers below her as well. She then notices that a mouse is gnawing away at the vine to which she is clinging. She also sees a beautiful little bunch of strawberries close to her, growing out of a clump of grass. She looks up and she looks down. She looks at the mouse. Then she just takes a strawberry, puts it in her mouth, and enjoys it thoroughly. Tigers above, tigers below. This is actually the predicament that we are always in, in terms of our birth and death. Each moment is just what it is. It might be the only moment of our life; it might be the only strawberry we’ll ever eat. We could get depressed about it, or we could finally appreciate it and delight in the preciousness of every single moment of our life.” 
― Pema Chödrön

tigers and strawberries my dear...

mixed media on paper

don't I please you anymore

"I'm wide open

But don't I please you anymore?

You're slipping away from me

You're drifting away from me...

Slow me down

It's getting away from me...

I'm wide open

But I couldn't see it anymore

You're drifting away from me

You're slipping away from me...

One day just gonna see me

Look back and forth from the ceiling

Some day love's gonna hurt me

Turn back and soon I'll believe it..."

- The Chemical Brothers featuring Beck

snapshot - ideas on my desk

assumptions, my dear

 "I may not work outside the home, but I sure as heck work in it.

Be it homeschooling, housework, raising my kids, or working from home, I have stuff to do. I don’t sit around all day, eating cheesecake and napping.

Don’t assume that just because someone doesn’t leave the house for work, they’re just waiting for someone else to come along and give them something to do with their time."

- Melissa Charles

my children come first...motherhood is a sacred dance I have chosen and been blessed with...

until I've had enough

"I can hold my breath.

I can bite my tongue.

I can stay awake for days,

if that's what you want,

be your number one.

I can fake a smile.

I can force a laugh.

I can dance and play the part,

if that's what you ask,

give you all that I am.

I can do it...

but I'm only human.

And I bleed when I fall down.

I'm only human,

and I crash and I break down.

Your words in my head,

knives in my heart.

You build me up,

then I fall apart,

'cause I'm only human.

I can turn it on,

be a good machine.

I can hold the weight of worlds,

if that's what you need,

be your everything.

I can do it...

I'll get through it,

but I'm only human...

just a little human.

I can take so much,

until I've had enough..."

- C. Perri

I cannot fake a smile, much less a laugh and I am a protective lioness with those I love.

another heart whispers back

"Every heart sings a song, incomplete, until another heart whispers back. Those who wish to sing always find a song. At the touch of a lover, everyone becomes a poet." - Plato

mixed media on canvas, circa 2001, in a private collection 

times forever frozen still

"...loving can hurt sometimes, but it's the only thing that I know...it is the only thing that makes us feel alive. 

We keep this love in a photograph. We made these memories for ourselves, where our eyes are never closing, hearts are never broken, and times are forever frozen still.

So you can keep me inside the pocket of your ripped jeans, holding me closer until our eyes meet, you won't ever be alone - wait for me to come home.

Loving can heal. Loving can mend your soul and is the only thing that I know. I swear it will get easier. Remember that with every piece of you, and it's the only thing we take with us when we die.

...I will remember how you kissed me...hearing you whisper..."

- Ed Sheeran

snapshot - ideas, pearls, feathers and crystals on my desk 

no other way than this

"No te amo como si fueras rosa de sal, topacio o flecha de claveles que propagan el fuego:

te amo como se aman ciertas cosas oscuras, secretamente, entre la sombra y el alma.

Te amo como la planta que no florece y lleva dentro de sí, escondida, la luz de aquellas flores, y gracias a tu amor vive oscuro en mi cuerpo el apretado aroma que ascendió de la tierra.

Te amo sin saber cómo, ni cuándo, ni de dónde, te amo directamente sin problemas ni orgullo:

así te amo porque no sé amar de otra manera, sino así de este modo en que no soy ni eres, tan cerca que tu mano sobre mi pecho es mía, tan cerca que se cierran tus ojos con mi sueño."

- Pablo Neruda

***

"I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz, or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.

I love you as certain dark things are to be loved, in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms

but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;

thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance, risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride; 

so I love you because I know no other way than this:  

where "I" does not exist, nor "you,"

so close that your hand on my chest is my hand, so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep."

- Pablo Neruda translated by Stephen Tapscott

Nicaragua

"Yo camino hoy

con el dolor del parto en cada paso

con el vientre rompiéndose

y los pedazos de madre

volando sobre espacios vacíos

yo camino gimiendo

apretando en mis manos los barrotes

apretando los dientes

mordiéndome la lengua

Voy vestida de barro

voy cubierta de piedras y de tiempo

tengo cara de asombros y cabellos de fuego

llevo el dolor del parto en cada paso

siento al hijo que brota de la sangre

siento la piel colgando

tengo las venas en un solo nudo

hay un hijo derramado en la noche."

- Rosario Murillo 

new moon blessings

what does this new dark moon whisper...

may we remain still enough and allow ourselves to feel and heal...

mixed media on paper from my journals 

to truly dance

"You would know the secret of death.

But how shall you find it unless you seek it in the heart of life?

The owl whose night-bound eyes are blind unto the day cannot unveil the mystery of light.

If you would indeed behold the spirit of death, open your heart wide unto the body of life.

For life and death are one, even as the river and the sea are one.

In the depth of your hopes and desires lies your silent knowledge of the beyond;
And like seeds dreaming beneath the snow your heart dreams of spring.

Trust the dreams, for in them is hidden the gate to eternity.

Your fear of death is but the trembling of the shepherd when he stands before the king whose hand is to be laid upon him in honour.

Is the shepherd not joyful beneath his trembling, that he shall wear the mark of the king?

Yet is he not more mindful of his trembling?

For what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun?

And what is it to cease breathing, but to free the breath from its restless tides, that it may rise and expand and seek God unencumbered?

Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing.

And when you have reached the mountain top, then you shall begin to climb.

And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance."

- Kahlil Gibran

my beloved Mimi, 15 years ago today you began to truly dance and your love continues to guide and encourage me

mama

my mother has always told me that every single day is a Mother's Day...

hold on to our center

"Often we long for another person because, in an invisible, intangible realm, we're still communicating, still connecting, still seeking resolution...

...there was a time when widows wore weeds for a year; grief was understood, acknowledged, validated. It's not neurotic to grieve a relationship; what's neurotic is when we don't. On some level, no matter how disassociated from our feelings we might be, every relationship brings hope - hope that this might be a safe place, a haven, a rest after all our battles.

When a relationship doesn't work out, for whatever reason, our disappointment is natural. Every intense encounter represents a deep and complicated KARMIC connection. An ending of a relationship is much like a death, and in many cases the sadness is even greater. When someone has died, there has often been completion and understanding that doesn't occur when both people are alive but have separated without higher awareness. Perhaps the one we love is simply on the other side of town now, sleeping with someone else, yet they are really universes away since the resolution we so crave has not occurred. There's no need to pretend this isn't a knife to the heart. It is, and there's nothing to do but cry the tears that gush forth like blood from a wound...

...It takes great courage and personal strength to hold on to our center during times of great hurt. It takes wisdom to understand that our reactiveness only fans the flames of FALSE DRAMA. Love creates a mystical shield around us, protecting us from chaos...TRUTH can never be destroyed."

- Marianne Williamson

let the soft animal of your body love

"You do not have to be good.

You do not have to walk on your knees

for a hundred miles through the desert repenting.

You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.

Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.

Meanwhile the world goes on.

Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain are moving across the landscapes, over the prairies and the deep trees, the mountains and the rivers.

Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air, are heading home again.

Whoever you are, no matter how lonely, the world offers itself to your imagination, calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting over and over announcing your place in the family of things."

- Mary Oliver

a small corner of my world 

una mirada entre los dos

"El amor es un bolsa de recuerdos

es un grito, una mirada entre los dos

es un abismo sin final

el esfuerzo de tu manos con las mias

la caricia de un buen beso y sin medida

Es sentirse mas que dos cuando caminas

es gastarse en una boca el corazon...

El amor es asertijo, es el pecado santigual

es la locura de los sexos, el sudor de nuestros huesos

y es un punto de partida en nuestra vida

que nos cega la mirada y nos lastima

Es sentirse mas que dos cuando caminas

es gastarse en una boca el corazon...

El amor es mi extructura, es la palabra

las esquinas de tu boca, la verdad

es pilar que me sostiene cuando siento que estoy solo

cuando tardas y demoras en volver

Cuando tardas y demoras

y hace tiempo que no vuelves

y se retarda nuestro encuentro es mi amor el que soporta

y es mi muro elaborado con heridas

el que inyecta su veneno y asi vivo

Es sentirse mas que dos cuando caminas

es gastarse en una boca el corazon...

El amor es complicado acurrucarlo

cuando decide marcharse del lugar donde aparco

el amor es nuestro punto de partida

es sentirse mas que dos cuando caminas

es tu pierna entre cruzada, que me anima la garganta

y te canto esta cancion

El amor es mi estructura, es la palabra

las esquinas de tu boca, la verdad

es pilar que me sostiene cuando siento que estoy solo

cuando tardas y demoras en volver

El amor es no espantarse a las miradas

es querer vivir el tiempo un poco mas

es pilar que me sostiene, cuando siento que estoy solo

cuando tardas y demoras en volver..."

- PERROZOMPOPO

trade in those medals

"You are a royal fish trying to wear pants in a country as foreign as land.

Now there's a problem worth discussing.

Your separation from God had ripened. Now fall like a golden fruit into my hand.

All your wounds from craving love exist because of heroic deeds.

Now trade in those medals; that courage will help this world.

One needs to love those they have yet to love to stand near the Friend.

Why be a royal fish trying to wear pants?

Hafiz, what are you talking about? Has something happened to good brilliant mind?" - HAFIZ

detail from mixed media on paper, circa 2007

grasping the golden light

"What large, dark hands are those at the window

Lifted, grasping the golden light

Which weaves its way through the creeper leaves

       To my heart's delight?

Ah, only the leaves! But in the west,

In the west I see a redness come

Over the evening's burning breast —

       — 'Tis the wound of love goes home!

The woodbine creeps abroad

Calling low to her lover:

The sun-lit flirt who all the day

Has poised above her lips in play

And stolen kisses, shallow and gay

Of pollen, now has gone away

— She woos the moth with her sweet, low word,

And when above her his broad wings hover

Then her bright breast she will uncover

And yield her honey-drop to her lover.

Into the yellow, evening glow

Saunters a man from the farm below,

Leans, and looks in at the low-built shed

Where hangs the swallow's marriage bed.

The bird lies warm against the wall.

She glances quick her startled eyes

Towards him, then she turns away

Her small head, making warm display

Of red upon the throat. His terrors sway

Her out of the nest's warm, busy ball,

Whose plaintive cry is heard as she flies

In one blue stoop from out the sties

Into the evening's empty hall.

Oh, water-hen, beside the rushes

Hide your quaint, unfading blushes,

Still your quick tail, and lie as dead,

Till the distance folds over his ominous tread.

The rabbit presses back her ears,

Turns back her liquid, anguished eyes

And crouches low: then with wild spring

Spurts from the terror of his oncoming

To be choked back, the wire ring

Her frantic effort throttling:

Piteous brown ball of quivering fears!

Ah soon in his large, hard hands she dies,

And swings all loose to the swing of his walk.

Yet calm and kindly are his eyes

And ready to open in brown surprise

Should I not answer to his talk

Or should he my tears surmise.

I hear his hand on the latch, and rise from my chair

Watching the door open: he flashes bare

His strong teeth in a smile, and flashes his eyes

In a smile like triumph upon me; then careless-wise

He flings the rabbit soft on the table board

And comes towards me: ah, the uplifted sword

Of his hand against my bosom, and oh, the broad

Blade of his hand that raises my face to applaud

His coming: he raises up my face to him

And caresses my mouth with his fingers, which still smell grim

Of the rabbit's fur! God, I am caught in a snare!

I know not what fine wire is round my throat,

I only know I let him finger there

My pulse of life, letting him nose like a stoat

Who sniffs with joy before he drinks the blood:

And down his mouth comes to my mouth, and down

His dark bright eyes descend like a fiery hood

Upon my mind: his mouth meets mine, and a flood

Of sweet fire sweeps across me, so I drown

Within him, die, and find death good."

- D. H. Lawrence 

detail from mixed media on canvas, 2017

in truth

"Oh soul,
you worry too much.

You have seen your own strength.

You have seen your own beauty.

You have seen your golden wings.

Of anything less,
why do you worry?

You are in truth
the soul, of the soul, of the soul."

- my beloved RUMI

intimate friends

"Like two golden birds perched on the selfsame tree, intimate friends, the ego and the Self dwell in the same body.  The former eats the sweet and sour fruits of the tree of life, while the latter looks on in detachment." - The Mundaka Upanishad

mixed media from my journals 

no fixed agenda

"If you obsess over whether you are making the right decision, you are basically assuming that the universe will reward you for one thing and punish you for another. The universe has no fixed agenda. Once you make any decision, it works around that decision. There is no right or wrong, only a series of possibilities that shift with each thought, feeling, and action that you experience. If this sounds too mystical, refer again to the body. Every significant vital sign- body temperature, heart rate, oxygen consumption, hormone level, brain activity, and so on- alters the moment you decide to do anything… decisions are signals telling your body, mind, and environment to move in a certain direction."

- Deepak Chopra

Mimi Lillian

"Walking, I am listening to a deeper way. Suddenly, all my ancestors are behind me. Be still, they say. Watch and listen. You are the result of the love of thousands." - Linda Hogan

be still...

watch...

listen...

words of wisdom...

Thinking of my beloved maternal grandmother, Lillian...my Mimi who is urging me to continue telling my story, to continue writing HERstory, especially now that I have a daughter...

mixed media on paper 

pretending

- 2013 watercolor from the series titled "A Thousand Kisses Deep" -

"I saw you last night at the gathering,

but could not take you openly in my arms,

so I put my lips next to your cheek,

pretending to talk privately." - RUMI

levitate

"It's not what you say...it's what you don't say..

There's not an ounce of excitement. 

Not a whisper of a thrill.

This relationship has all the passion of a pair of tit mice.

I want you to get swept away out there. 

I want you to levitate. 

I want you to sing with rapture and dance like a Dervish...

Yeah. Be deliriously happy or at least leave yourself open to be...

I know it's a cornball thing, but love is passion. 

Obsession. 

Someone you can't live without.

I say fall head over heels. 

Find someone you can love like crazy, and who'll love you the same way back. 

How do you find them?

Well, you forget your head and you listen to your heart. 

I'm not hearing any heart. 

Because the truth is, honey, there's no sense living your life without this.

To make the journey and not fall deeply in love, well, you haven't lived a life at all. But you have to try, because if you haven't tried, you haven't lived."

- William Parrish (Meet Joe Black)