come on, save my soul

 

"I want a little sugar
in my bowl
I want a little sweetness
down in my soul
I could stand some lovin'
Oh so bad
I feel so funny and I feel so sad

I want a little steam
on my clothes
Maybe I can fix things up
so they'll go
Whatsa matter Daddy
Come on, save my soul
I need some sugar in my bowl
I ain't foolin'
I want some sugar in my bowl

You been acting different
I've been told
Soothe me
I want some sugar in my bowl
I want some steam
on my clothes
Maybe I can fix things up so they'll go
Whatsa matter Daddy
Come on save my soul
I want some sugar in my bowl
I ain't foolin'
I want some - yeah - in my bowl..."

- Nina Simone

mixed media on paper

night breezes seem to whisper

"Stars shining bright above you,

Night breezes seem to whisper "I love you"

Birds singing in the sycamore tree,
Dream a little dream of me.

Say "Night-ie night" and kiss me,

Just hold me tight and tell me you'll miss me.

While I'm alone and blue as can be,

Dream a little dream of me.

Stars fading, but I linger on, dear
Still craving your kiss
I'm longing to linger till dawn, dear
Just saying this

Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you
Sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you
But in your dreams whatever they be
Dream a little dream of me

Stars fading, but I linger on, dear
Still craving your kiss
I'm longing to linger till dawn, dear
Just saying this

Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you
Sweet dreams that leave all worries far behind you
But in your dreams whatever they be
Dream a little dream of me.."

Songwriters: Fabian Andre, Gus Kahn, and Wilbur Schwandt

I have this song on my mind tonight...

I imagine you are busy my dear

I asked for wisdom and my beloved HAFIZ answered:

"One of the dumbest things you can do is backbite an animal or a human being. 

Reason is: Besides the fact that an animal who is feeling grouchy that day might bite you back...

Whenever you speak ill of any living creature something of their shadow might fall on you.

Some unwanted impressions of theirs could spill on your floor, 

and I imagine you are busy enough trying to keep things tidy."

- HAFIZ

snapshot - endless pearls with vintage silks and signature bronze sculpture

she unveils me

"As I go into her, she pierces my heart. 

As I penetrate further, she unveils me. 

When I have reached her center, I am weeping openly.

I have known her all my life, yet she reveals stories to me, and these stories are revelations and I am transformed. Each time I go to her I am born like this. Her renewal washes over me endlessly, her wounds carress me; I become aware of all that has come between us, of the noise between us, the blindness, of something sleeping between us. Now my body reaches out to her. They speak effortlessly, and I learn at no instant does she fail me in her presence. She is as delicate as I am; I know her sentience; I feel her pain and my own pain comes into me, and my own pain grows large and I grasp this pain with my hands, and I open my mouth to this pain, I taste, I know, and I know why she goes on, under great weight, with this great thirst, in drought, in starvation, with intelligence in every act does she survive disaster. This earth is my sister; I love her daily grace, her silent daring, and how loved I am how we admire this strength in each other, all that we have lost, all that we have suffered, all that we know: we are stunned by this beauty, and I do not forget: what she is to me, what I am to her." - Susan Griffin

SNAPSHOT:

detail from one of my pieces: endless freshwater pearls suspended from bronze sculpture and vintage silks...

the earth goddess is my muse...

I remember and celebrate HERstory...

strength, laughter, endurance

"When a woman feels alone, when the room is full of daemons,” the Nootka tribe tells us, "The Old Woman will be there.” She has come to me over three thousand miles and what does she have to tell me, troubled "by phantoms in the night”? 

Is she really here? 

What is the saving word from so deep in the past. 

From as deep as the ancient root of the redwood, from as deep as the primal bed of the ocean, from as deep as a woman’s heart sprung open again through a hard birth or a hard death? 

Here under the shock of love, I am open to you, Primal Spirit, one with rock and wave, one with survivors of flood and fire, who have rebuilt their homes a million times, who have lost their children and borne them again. 

The words I hear are strength, laughter, endurance. 

Old Woman I meet you deep inside myself. There in the root bed of fertility, world without end, as the legend tells it. 

Under the words you are my silence."

- May Sarton

snapshot of bronze sculpture suspended by pearls

HERstory

I have been working on several projects, but my priority is cultivating the divine art of motherhood. 

I am completely dedicated to my children.

Why do I feel as if I need to explain this to anyone? 

I homeschool my fifth grader and he is thriving.

I continue to paint.

I continue to design wearable sculpture. Each piece tells a story and no two are exactly alike (my motto since I began on this journey of creation two decades ago).

I continue to write. 

I continue to practice yoga.

I continue to surrender to the sacred dance of life...

snapshot of my daughter playing with some of my bangles 

flirt more, my dear

"There is a smile and a gentleness inside.

When I learned the name and address of that, I went to where you sell perfume.

I begged you not to trouble me so with longing.

Come out and play!

Flirt more naturally.

Teach me how to kiss.

On the ground a spread blanket, flame that's caught and burning well, cumin seeds browning, I am inside all this with my soul." - RUMI

a lovely poem that found this morning after my yoga and meditation

sacred sweat

- detail from watercolor on paper -

how do you pray?

when do you pray?

do you pray?

Although I have encountered moments of reverence at churches during masses throughout the ceremonies,  my soul's prayers - my connection with the Divine - are more purely and more intensely felt elsewhere.  In nature.  In silence.  In dance.  In painting.  In yoga.  In sculpting.  In lovemaking.  In compassion.  In laughter. In having the miracle of a new life in my belly. In holding my child at my breast and nursing. In salty tears. In long embraces.

Today I sweat my prayers...

"To sweat is to pray, to make an offering of your innermost self.  Sweat is holy water, prayer beads, pearls of liquid that release your past.  Sweat is an ancient and universal form of self healing, whether done in the gym, the sauna, or the sweat lodge.  I do it on the dance floor.  The more you dance, the more you sweat.  The more you sweat, the more you pray.  The more you pray, the closer you come to ecstasy." - Gabrielle Roth

to watch you

"I would like to watch you sleeping, 

which may not happen.

I would like to watch you, 

sleeping. I would like to sleep 

with you, to enter 

your sleep as its smooth dark wave 

slides over my head

and walk with you through that lucent 

wavering forest of bluegreen leaves 

with its watery sun and three moons 

towards the cave where you must descend, 

towards your worst fear.

I would like to give you the silver 

branch, the small white flower, the one 

word that will protect you 

from the grief at the center 

of your dream, from the grief 

at the center. I would like to follow 

you up the long stairway 

again and become

the boat that would row you back

carefully, a flame

in two cupped hands 

to where your body lies 

beside me, and you enter 

it as easily as breathing in.

I would like to be the air

that inhabits you for a moment

only. I would like to be that unnoticed

and that necessary."

- Margaret Atwood

unnoticed and necessary...

air...breath...yes...to enter your dreams

a small corner of my world

"You do not have to be good.

You do not have to walk on your knees

for a hundred miles through the desert repenting.

You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.

Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.

Meanwhile the world goes on.

Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain are moving across the landscapes, over the prairies and the deep trees, the mountains and the rivers.

Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air, are heading home again.

Whoever you are, no matter how lonely, the world offers itself to your imagination, calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting over and over announcing your place in the family of things."

- Mary Oliver

a small corner of my world 

pleasure

"I take pleasure in my transformations. I look quiet and consistent, but few know how many women there are in me."

- Anais Nin

patience

"I no longer have patience for certain things, not because I’ve become arrogant, but simply because I reached a point in my life where I do not want to waste more time with what displeases me or hurts me. 

I have no patience for cynicism, excessive criticism and demands of any nature. 

I lost the will to please those who do not like me, to love those who do not love me and to smile at those who do not want to smile at me.

I no longer spend a single minute on those who lie or want to manipulate. 

I decided not to coexist anymore with pretense, hypocrisy, dishonesty and cheap praise. 

I do not tolerate selective erudition nor academic arrogance. 

I do not adjust either to popular gossiping. 

I hate conflict and comparisons. 

I believe in a world of opposites and that’s why I avoid people with rigid and inflexible personalities. 

In friendship I dislike the lack of loyalty and betrayal. 

I do not get along with those who do not know how to give a compliment or a word of encouragement. 

Exaggerations bore me and I have difficulty accepting those who do not like animals.

And on top of everything I have no patience for anyone who does not deserve my patience.”

 - José Micard Teixeira 

snapshot - one of my pieces in a private collection

mi madrina

my beloved godmother celebrated 71 years of life today...

my beloved daughter turned 34 months old today...(she turns 3 in April)

vintage snapshot, circa 1973 

esperando

love your soul

you must love your soul

love your soul

I do love your soul

my hair turns blue 

waiting for you 

detail from mixed media on wood, 2017

I will bare my soul in time

"Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your hand.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I am a dreamer and when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bare my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow..."

- Sacha Skarbek, sung by James Blunt 

so many dreams...
direct messages...

kissed your mouth

"...and what I am to you is not real,

what I am to you, you do not need,

what I am to you is not what you mean to me,

you give me miles and miles of mountains,

and I'll ask for the sea.

don't throw yourself like that,

in front of me.

I kissed your mouth, your back,

is that all you need?

don't drag my love around,

volcanoes melt me down.

...what I give to you is just what I'm going through,

there is nothing new, no, no just another phase of finding,

what I really need is what makes me bleed...

I kissed your mouth,

you do not need me."

- Damien Rice

born to love

"I walk along the city streets you used to walk along with me -

And every step I take reminds me of just how we used to be - 

Well, how can I forget you, girl?

When there is always something there to remind me -

Always something there to remind me -

As shadows fall, I pass a small cafe where we would dance at night -

And I can't help recalling how it felt to kiss and hold you tight -

Well, how can I forget you, girl?

When there is always something there to remind me -

Always something there to remind me -

I was born to love her, and I will never be free -

You'll always be a part of me -

Oh whoa ooh whoa ooh whoa oh -

If you should find you miss the sweet and tender love we used to share -

Just go back to the places where we used to go and I'll be there..."

- as sung by the Naked Eyes

yes, yet another selfie...I am going through a major 80s musical phase and figure my children will treasure these selfies of their MAMA one day 

to be danced

- I woke up danced in blue... self-portrait -

"We have come to be danced

not the pretty dance
not the pretty pretty, pick me, pick me dance
but the claw our way back into the belly
of the sacred, sensual animal dance
the unhinged, unplugged, cat is out of its box dance
the holding the precious moment in the palms
of our hands and feet dance

We have come to be danced
not the jiffy booby, shake your booty for him dance
but the wring the sadness from our skin dance
the blow the chip off our shoulder dance
the slap the apology from our posture dance

We have come to be danced
not the monkey see, monkey do dance
one, two dance like you
one two three, dance like me dance
but the grave robber, tomb stalker
tearing scabs & scars open dance
the rub the rhythm raw against our souls dance

WE have come to be danced
not the nice invisible, self conscious shuffle
but the matted hair flying, voodoo mama
shaman shakin’ ancient bones dance
the strip us from our casings, return our wings
sharpen our claws & tongues dance
the shed dead cells and slip into
the luminous skin of love dance

We have come to be danced
not the hold our breath and wallow in the shallow end of the floor dance
but the meeting of the trinity: the body, breath & beat dance
the shout hallelujah from the top of our thighs dance
the mother may I?
yes you may take 10 giant leaps dance
the Olly Olly Oxen Free Free Free dance
the everyone can come to our heaven dance

We have come to be danced
where the kingdom’s collide
in the cathedral of flesh
to burn back into the light
to unravel, to play, to fly, to pray
to root in skin sanctuary
We have come to be danced
WE HAVE COME" - Jewel Mathieson

new canvases coming soon

I am loving these colors together and can't wait to play with them on canvas soon...

Baby is wearing her older brother's blue overalls, yellow socks and turquoise shoes she chose herself. She holds one of my wonderfully wild Christian Lacroix journals and an embroidered purse my cousin gave me. The pale pink cotton blanket was amongst the first and few baby paraphernalia I bought (at a local TJ Maxx) when I found out I was having a girl. 

winged or chained

"...It's hard to say.  

Separate or combine, I ask you one last time:

Did I hold you too tight?

Did I not let enough light in?

If a feeling appears, if your mind should sway,

It's not a secret you should keep,

I won't let you slip away.

We used to be closer than this...

We used to be closer than this...

Is it something you miss?

Winged or chained,

I ask you,

Would you have stayed?" - XX