mermaid goddess dreams

- 2007 mixed media from journals -

I dreamed with my ocean once more.

I can still taste the salt waters, feel the warmth of the sun.  

I dressed in shredded, transparent layers...veils of sensuous shipwrecked silks.  

Was I once a mermaid? 

Was I once a goddess of the sea?  

Don't these archetypes still exist in me?

from my dream journal

it is your beauty

- mixed media from my journals, circa 2007 -

"In all my lives you have been with me; whether day or night I remember.

When you fall out of my sight, I am restless day and night, burning.

I climb hilltops; I watch for signs of your return; my eyes are swollen with tears.

The ocean of life - that's not genuine; the ties of family, the obligation to the world - they're not genuine.

It is your beauty that makes me drunk..." - MIRABAI

a delicious poem that found me this morning after sunrise meditation and yoga

so love

- mixed media -

"This sky where we live is no place to lose your wings.  So love, love, love." - HAFIZ

expression

- mixed media on paper -

"There is a vitality, a life-force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action and because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and be lost."
- Martha Graham (1894-1991)

how do we block ourselves?

how do we block our expression?

why would we do this to our souls?

we are on this planet to DANCE our DREAMS into realities...we are ALIVE so that we can stretch and grow and learn and laugh and cry and express the beauty that is within us...

from the feminine mystique

- mixed media on paper -

"If a woman's needs for identity, for self-esteem, for achievement and finally for expression of her unique human individuality are not recognized by herself or others in our culture, she is forced to seek identity and self-esteem in the only channels open to her; the pursuit of sexual fulfillment, motherhood, and the possession of material things.  And chained to these pursuits, she is stunted at a lower level of living, blocked from the realization of her higher human needs."

- Betty Friedan

finally finding all of my courage to let it all go

- a little sketch from today -

"I've been looking so long at these pictures of you

That I almost believe that they're real

I've been living so long with my pictures of you

That I almost believe that the pictures are 

All I can feel

Remembering

You standing quiet in the rain

As I ran to your heart to be near

And we kissed as the sky fell in

Holding you close

How I always held close in your fear

Remembering

You running soft through the night

You were bigger and brighter and whiter than snow

And screamed at the make-believe

Screamed at the sky

And you finally found all your courage

To let it all go

Remembering

You fallen into my arms

Crying for the death of your heart

You were stone white

So delicate

Lost in the cold

You were always so lost in the dark

Remembering

You how you used to be

Slow drowned

You were angels

So much more than everything

Hold for the last time then slip away quietly

Open my eyes

But I never see anything

If only I'd thought of the right words

I could have held on to your heart

If only I'd thought of the right words

I wouldn't be breaking apart

All my pictures of you

Looking so long at these pictures of you

But I never hold on to your heart

Looking so long for the words to be true

But always just breaking apart

My pictures of you

There was nothing in the world

That I ever wanted more

Than to feel you deep in my heart

There was nothing in the world

That I ever wanted more

Than to never feel the breaking apart

All my pictures of you" - THE CURE

I am finally finding all of my courage to let it all go...

September 1st - HIS birthday

- mixed media self-portrait from a series I began in 2007 -

It was a lazy Sunday morning. Tumbling out of bed, I made my way to the grocery store in search of tulips and mangos. The sun was gloriously hot – summer was near.

While contemplating what color of tulips to get, red, pink, white, maybe striped...I suddenly sensed something and looked up. Clad in vintage aviator Ray-Bans, a mane of luscious locks swept back – it was him – HIM...

Ducking behind the roses, my heart and mind began a marathon. Why could I not take 5 minutes to shower...2 minutes to comb my hair...had I even brushed my teeth...PANIC. Could HE see me? Why had I not followed my parents’ cardinal rule:  be ready to see anyone and be ready to be seen at all times.

He looked freshly showered, impeccable as always, but still maintaining the signature rugged manly appeal for which he was famous. I was dressed in yoga gear – tight, black cotton lycra – UGH. Lip gloss was the extent of my morning beauty routine.

Snatching a bunch of tulips, I took advantage of the fact that he was selecting organic tomatoes. I seized my mangos and sprinted to the check-out...

from my journals, originally published in 2007 and yes I had brushed my teeth

kisses on canvas

- mixed media on canvas -

pinto mis besos

con aroma de puesta de sol

pinto mis besos

en movimientos lánguidos

pinto mis besos

con baile de alientos

besos resbalosos

mojados de sueños silenciosos

...mis besos

painting my kisses

the scent of sunset skies

painting my kisses

in languid movements

painting my kisses

with dancing breaths

slippery kisses

soaked in silent dreams

...my kisses

 - excerpt from my journals

beautiful laughter

- 2013 mixed media on canvas from a series exploring painting as poetry and meditation -

"Keep squeezing drops of the Sun

from your prayers and work and music

and from your companion's beautiful laughter.

Keep squeezing drops of the Sun -

from the sacred hands and glance of your Beloved

and, my dear,

from the most insignificant movements

of your own holy body."

- HAFIZ

refusal

"Elegance is refusal."

- Coco Chanel

mixed media on paper in a private collection

ignore or adore

Throughout the day I've stumbled upon a repeating message:

"Stop running to those who ignore you and start running to those who adore you." - Run Rev

ignore or adore?

what if those we run to are somewhere in the middle?

simply stop running...

snapshot: detail from 2014 mixed media on canvas that will be on exhibit this weekend

a sacred dance

"Sometimes your heart gets broken, other times you're a heart breaker. To know the full expanse of the heart, we need to experience both sides. Being hurt is part of being human; there's no way to avoid it without shutting down completely. Instead, use it as an excuse to dance." - G. Roth 

I view life as a sacred dance...a non-rehearsed, wild and divine dance with constantly changing rhythms...

snapshot: detail from 2014 mixed media on canvas which will be on exhibit this weekend

something missing

"Don't surrender your loneliness so quickly. Let it cut more deep. Let it ferment and season you as few human or even divine ingredients can. Something missing in my heart tonight has made my eyes so soft, my voice so tender, my need of God absolutely clear."

 - my beloved HAFIZ whispers through the winds of time to me...and perhaps to you?

her secret on this new moon

"Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

patience...patience...patience...

kissing me

"Nothing can shatter this love. For even if you took another into your arms, the truth is, my sweetheart, you would still be kissing me." - my beloved HAFIZ

play like yourself

- detail from mixed media on paper -

"Sometimes you have to play a long time to be able to play like yourself." - Miles Davis (1926-1991)

ready or not

We played hide and seek amongst majestic trees this afternoon...

"One of life's primal situations; the game of hide and seek. Oh, the delicious thrill of hiding while others come looking for you, the delicious terror of being discovered, but what panic when, after a long search, the others abandon you! You mustn't hide too well. You mustn't be too good at the game. The player must never be bigger than the game itself." - Jean Baudrillard

sacred opportunity

"You are doing something very sacred here during your life upon the earth. You are defining yourself in each golden moment of NOW." 

- Neale Donald Walsch

I stumbled upon this wisdom earlier today (via Neale Donald Walsch's Twitter) and it stayed with me. Each moment is a gift and an opportunity...a sacred opportunity...

snapshots of the sunset are studies for a series of paintings

unconditional openness

"When we sit down to meditate, we can connect with something unconditional - a state of mind, a basic enviornment that does not grasp or reject anything. Meditation is probably the only activity that doesn't add anything to the picture. Everything is allowed to come and go without further embellishment. Meditation is a totally nonviolent, nonaggressive occupation. Not filling the space, allowing for the possibility of connecting with unconditional openness - this provides the basis for real change." 

- Pema Chodron 

self-knowledge

- a favorite painting at the MoMa -

"I paint self-portraits because I am so often alone, because I am the person I know best."
- Frida Kahlo

how well do we know ourselves?

I believe self-knowledge is a continuous path...one which I've embarked on with a sense of humor, compassion and curiosity.  We are always growing, learning and stretching...evolving.

"I used to think I was the strangest person in the world, but then I thought there are so many people in the world, there must be someone just like me who feels bizarre and flawed in the same ways I do.  I would imagine her, and imagine that she must be out there thinking of me too.  Well, I hope that if you are out there and read this and know that, yes, it's true I'm here, and I'm just as strange as you."
- Frida Kahlo

Miami

with each breath...

gratitude...gratitude...gratitude

moment without judgement

"Do you think peace requires an end to war? Or tigers eating only vegetables? Does peace require an absence from your boss, your spouse, yourself? Do you think peace will come from some other place than here? Some other time than Now? In some other heart than yours?

Peace is this moment without judgement. That is all. This moment in the heart-space where everything that is is welcome. Peace is this moment without thinking that it should be some other way, that you should feel some other thing, that your life should unfold according to your plans. 

Peace is this moment without judgement, this moment in the heart-space, where everything that is is welcome."

- Dorothy Hunt

healing

"Things falling apart is a kind of testing and also a kind of healing. We think that the point is to pass the test or to overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don't really get solved. They come together and they fall apart. Then they come together again and fall apart again. It's just like that. The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy." - Pema Chodron 

beach story

snakes and sharks hanging out...

los cielos

dancing clouds and blue skies begin to blush...

a copper moon goddess purifies the darkness...

Lauren Bacall

Words of wisdom from one of my favorite women:

"Men need to feel important. They feel better when they are with younger girls or unknown ones." 

"I think your whole life shows in your face and you should be proud of that."

"Imagination is the highest kite one can fly."

- Lauren Bacall (1924-2014)

just heard about Robin Williams

"When I die I shall soar with angels, and when I die to the angels, what I shall become you cannot imagine." - RUMI

madre luna llena

Mother Moon illuminates in all her fullness tonight. What secrets will you whisper? What mysteries will she reveal? Will you allow yourself to dance?

"Tell me what you feel in your room when the full moon is shining upon you and your lamp is dying out, and I will tell you how old you are, and I shall know if you are happy." - Henri Frederic Amiel 

lessons and disguised blessings

"If my world were to cave in tomorrow, I would look back on all the pleasures, excitements and worthwhilenesses I have been lucky enough to have had. Not the sadness, not my miscarriages or my father leaving home, but the joy of everything else. It will have been enough." - Audrey Hepburn 

I believe life's trials and sorrows are sacred opportunities for evolution. I look for the lessons and disguised blessings...breath by breath...

Bill Murray - The Murray Affair

 

TONIGHT:

Friday, August 8th 2014 -

8pm -

Public Works - 

161 Erie Street - 

San Francisco, California -

"He crashed my dreams with blue smiles, so I painted him with touches of golden stardust and red silk..." - CASIMIRA 

2014 mixed media on paper:

"Blue Bill Dreams" forms part of the group art exhibition tonight...

remembering my grandmother

She would have fallen madly in love with my son. He has her purity and sweetness. He has her sense of wonder and contagious joy.

Uca, I feel your love and guidance...mi Estrella Maruca...

Andy Warhol and I...exciting

- mixed media on paper -

Andy Warhol and I are friends...I call him Andres.  He wears CASIMIRA and likes to photograph me when I dance...

"Everyone must have a fantasy...Fantasy love is much better than reality love.  Never doing it is very exciting.  The most exciting attractions are between two opposites that never meet."
- Andy Warhol (1928 – 1987)

what is one of your fantasies?
do you agree with Andres?
he would have been 86-years-old today...

the answer better be yes

- 2013 mixed media on paper -

"Do I move you?  Are you willing?
Do I groove you?  Is it thrilling?
Do I soothe you?  Tell the truth now,
Do I move you?  Are you loose now?
The answer better be - YES, yes...it pleases me.

Are you ready for this action?
Does it give you satisfaction?
Are you hip to what I'm saying?
If are then let's start swaying.
The answer better be - YES, yes...it pleases me.

When I touch you, do you quiver?
From your head down to your liver?
If you like it let me know it...
Don't be psychic or you'll blow it...
The answer better be - YES, yes...that pleases me."
- Nina Simone

musa maga del reino de magonia

"Amor, amándote como en otro amor,

Yo ignoraba que el amor es oro,

es elixir de la Fragante Belleza...

Cuanto amor perdiste corazón mío,

Ay, cuanto amor!

Y hoy que de tantos amores

ya no tengo amor...

Cuanto más añoro la inicua dicha

de perderte amor,

crucificado por la ignominia

del tenebroso enigma de nuestro sino

que una vez nos concedió

el deleitable éxtasis a ti y a mi

de amarnos, amor incapturable!"

- Omar d'Leon

I love receiving mail from dear friends...

you know the way I can't resist you

"We bide our time, though the time is fine.
Oh to be there.
I could be there.
Say you'll be there.

You know the way I can't resist you,
I say to myself, I'd try.
Why do we waste time hiding it inside?
I want you to be mine.

Now it's been and gone.
You say what yo would have done.
You would have been there.
I wished you'd been there.
I needed you there.

And if we try once more, would you give me it all?
I won't believe it, till I can feel it.
Can you feel it?

You know the way I can't resist you,
I said to myself, I'd try..."
- Oliver Sim and Romy Madley Croft

besos inventados

- my unedited lips on paper -

"...hay besos que se dan con la mirada, hay besos que se dan con la memoria.

...hay besos que se dan sólo las almas,

hay besos por prohibidos, verdaderos.

...yo te enseñe a besar con besos míos,

inventados por mi, para tu boca." 

- G. Mistral 

excerpt from a favorite poem about kisses 

grateful beyond words

six years...six wonderful, wild years of surrendering to the divine dance of motherhood...