They said I had a fabulous figure. Good genes. How lucky. Que dichosa la Julita. Well-proportioned, tiny waist and delicately defined arms. Twenty years ago I had an almost flawless body - tight and alabaster, smooth and free of any stretchmarks, scars or dimples. I ate whatever I wished and never bothered with scales, sizes or exercise. I was 15 years old.
I began gaining weight in my twenties. Three to five pounds here. Two to three pounds there. I was becoming a woman and my body was evolving. They said I had such a "beautiful face" but that I was getting "fat" - "gorda" - "chubby" -- and I believed them.
I believed them and gained more weight without understanding why. I believed them and judged my body as no longer being perfect, no longer being good enough. I believed them and in doing so betrayed myself, my body and my spirit.
I am still over-weight by their standards. I walk into a room and I feel I am being scanned - has she lost weight? Or has she gained more? What a shame with that beautiful face...
My body continues to evolve - with yoga and age. My body has become my temple - my healthy temple - and I am slowing becoming DEAF to their spells that have more to do with THEIR weight and body issues.
Women, men - whomever reads this - please, please - watch what you say and what you don't say to the teenage girls in your life...
excerpt from a series of writings in progress, originally posted in 2007
