sueños

soñé contigo...

me contabas tus historias,

me decías que querías dejar todo,

viajar lejos,

olvidar todo,

dejar tu cabello crecer y pintar a colores,

soñé contigo...

será otra vida?

la vida de los sueños

será un sueño esta vida?

••••••••

consecutive nights I dream of dreams...

I dream with you...

what messages are you sending me?

excerpt from my dream journal

69 years 10 months

my beloved godmother celebrated 69 years of life today...

my beloved daughter turned 10 months old today...

vintage snapshot, circa 1973 

please don't bring your lips so close

- mixed media on paper -

"All or nothing at all
Half a love never appealed to me
If your heart never could yield to me
Then I'd rather have nothing at all

All or nothing at all
If it's love there is no in between
Why begin, then cry
For something that might have been
No, I rather have nothing at all

But please, don't bring your lips so close to my cheek
Don't smile or I'll be lost beyond recall the kiss in your eyes
The touch of your hand makes me weak
And my heart may grow dizzy and fall

And if I fell under the spell of your call
I would be caught in the undertow
So you see, I've got to say no, no
All or nothing at all..." - Billie Holiday

...if it's love, there is no in between...

Sunday morning with Billie Holiday

en el ultimo trago me besas

- Frida Kahlo and Chavela Vargas, 2013 mixed media on paper -

"Tomate esta botella conmigo,
y en el ultimo trago nos vamos.

Quiero ver a que sabe tu olvido,
sin poner en mis ojos tus manos.

Esta noche no voy a rogarte,
esta noche te vas de deveras.

Que dificil tratar de olvidarte,
sin que sienta que ya no me quieras...

Nada me han enseñado los años,
siempre caigo en los mismos errores,
otra vez a brindar con extraños,
y a llorar por los mismos dolores...

Tomate esta botella conmigo,
y en el ultimo trago me besas.

Esperamos que no hayan testigos,
por si acaso te diera verguenza.

Si algun dia sin querer tropezamos,
no te agaches ni me hables de frente,
simplemente la mano nos damos,
y despues que murmure la gente..." - Chavela Vargas

the cure

I don't care if Monday's blue

Tuesday's grey and Wednesday too

Thursday I don't care about you

It's Friday I'm in love

Monday you can fall apart

Tuesday, Wednesday break my heart

Thursday doesn't even start

It's Friday I'm in love

Saturday wait

And Sunday always comes too late

But Friday never hesitate...

I don't care if Monday's black

Tuesday, Wednesday heart attack

Thursday never looking back

It's Friday I'm in love

Monday you can hold your head

Tuesday, Wednesday stay in bed

Or Thursday watch the walls instead

It's Friday I'm in love

Saturday wait

And Sunday always comes too late

But Friday never hesitate...

Dressed up to the eyes

It's a wonderful surprise

To see your shoes and your spirits rise

Throwing out your frown

And just smiling at the sound

And as sleek as a shriek

Spinning round and round

Always take a big bite

It's such a gorgeous sight

To see you eat in the middle of the night

You can never get enough

Enough of this stuff

It's Friday

I'm in love

I don't care if Monday's blue

Tuesday's grey and Wednesday too

Thursday I don't care about you

It's Friday, I'm in love

Monday you can fall apart

Tuesday, Wednesday break my heart

Thursday doesn't even start

It's Friday I'm in love...

- The Cure

t’es mon amour

Je suis ton pile -
Tu es mon face -
Toi mon nombril -
Et moi ta glace -
Tu es l’envie et moi le geste -
Toi le citron et moi le zeste -
Je suis le thé, tu es la tasse -
Toi la guitare et moi la basse -

Je suis la pluie et tu es mes gouttes -
Tu es le oui et moi le doute -
T’es le bouquet je suis les fleurs -
Tu es l’aorte et moi le coeur -
Toi t’es l’instant moi le bonheur -
Tu es le verre je suis le vin -
Toi tu es l’herbe et moi le joint -
Tu es le vent j’suis la rafale -
Toi la raquette et moi la balle -

T’es le jouet et moi l’enfant -
T’es le vieillard et moi le temps -
Je suis l’iris tu es la pupille -
Je suis l’épice toi la papille -
Toi l’eau qui vient et moi la bouche -
Toi l’aube et moi le ciel qui s’couche -
T’es le vicaire et moi l’ivresse -
T’es le mensonge moi la paresse -
T’es le guépard moi la vitesse -
Tu es la main moi la caresse -
Je suis l’enfer de ta pécheresse -

Tu es le ciel moi la terre, hum -
Je suis l’oreille de ta musique -
Je suis le soleil de tes tropiques -
Je suis le tabac de ta pipe -
T’es le plaisir je suis la foudre -
Tu es la gamme et moi la note -
Tu es la flamme moi l’allumette -
T’es la chaleur j’suis la paresse -
T’es la torpeur et moi la sieste -
T’es la fraîcheur et moi l’averse -
Tu es les fesses je suis la chaise -
Tu es bémol et moi j’suis dièse -

T’es le laurel de mon hardy -
T’es le plaisir de mon soupir -
T’es la moustache de mon trotski -
T’es tous les éclats de mon rire -
Tu es le chant de ma sirène -
Tu es le sang et moi la veine -
T’es le jamais de mon toujours -
T’es mon amour t’es mon amour -

Je suis ton pile -
Toi mon face -
Toi mon nombril -
Et moi ta glace -
Tu es l’envie et moi le geste -
T’es le citron et moi le zeste! -
Je suis le thé, tu es la tasse -
Toi la putain et moi la passe -
Tu es la tombée moi l’épitaphe -
Et toi le texte, moi le paragraphe -
Tu es le lapsus et moi la gaffe -

Toi l’élégance et moi la grâce -
Tu es l’effet et moi la cause -
Toi le divan moi la névrose -
Toi l’épine moi la rose -
Tu es la tristesse moi le poète -
Tu es la belle et moi la bête -
Tu es le corps et moi la tête -
Tu es le corps. hummm ! 
T’es le sérieux moi l’insouciance -
Toi le flic moi la balance -
Toi le gibier moi la potence -

Toi l’ennui et moi la transe -
Toi le très peu moi le beaucoup -
Moi le sage et toi le fou -
Tu es l’éclair et moi la poudre -
Toi la paille et moi la poutre -
Tu es le surmoi de mon ça -
C’est toi qu’arrives des mois si ?
Tu es la mère et moi le doute -
Tu es le néant et moi le tout -
Tu es le chant de ma sirène -
Toi tu es le sang et moi la veine -
T’es le jamais de mon toujours -
T’es mon amour t’es mon amour -

- Carla Bruni

este mal de amores

"Es por culpa de una hembra 
que me estoy volviendo loco.
No puedo vivir sin ella,
pero con ella tampoco.

Y si de este mal de amores 
yo me fuera pa' la tumba,
a mi no me mandeis flores,
que como dice esta rumba:

Quise cortar la flor
mas tierna del rosal,
pensando que de amor
no me podria pinchar,
y mientras me pinchaba
me enseñó una cosa
que una rosa es una rosa es una rosa...

Y cuando abri la mano
y la deje caer
rompieron a sangrar
las llagas en mi piel
y con sus petalos
me las curo mimosa
que una rosa es una rosa es una rosa...

Pero cuanto mas me cura,
al ratito mas me escuece,
porque amar es el empiece
de la palabra amargura.

Una mentira y un credo
por cada espina del tallo
que injertandose en los dedos
una rosa es un rosario..."
- J.M. Cano

snapshot of the roses that bloomed seven days by the sea, opening up and absorbing everything

one of those mornings

- 2013 mixed media on paper

I want a little sugar
in my bowl
I want a little sweetness
down in my soul
I could stand some lovin'
Oh so bad
I feel so funny and I feel so sad

I want a little steam
on my clothes
Maybe I can fix things up
so they'll go
Whatsa matter Daddy
Come on, save my soul
I need some sugar in my bowl
I ain't foolin'
I want some sugar in my bowl

You been acting different
I've been told
Soothe me
I want some sugar in my bowl
I want some steam
on my clothes
Maybe I can fix things up so they'll go
Whatsa matter Daddy
Come on save my soul
I want some sugar in my bowl
I ain't foolin'
I want some - yeah - in my bowl

- Nina Simone

it is one of those mornings...

secrets

"There is nothing else in that little temple except deep silence, revealing to the living the secrets of the goddess and speaking wordlessly of past generations and the evolution of religions.  Such a sight carries the poet to a world far away from the one in which he dwells and convinces the philosopher that men were born religious; they felt a need for that which they could not see and drew symbols, the meaning of which divulged their hidden secrets and their desires in life and death.

...We met secretly in the old temple, remembering the old days, discussing our present, fearing our future, and gradually bringing out the hidden secrets in the depths of our hearts and complaining to each other of our misery and suffering, trying to console ourselves with imaginary hopes and sorrowful dreams.  Every now and then we would become calm and wipe our tears and start smiling, forgetting everything except Love; we embraced each other until our hearts melted..." - Kahlil Gibran

secrets...

secrets of love, secrets of the soul...

never second best

"moving forward using all my breath -
making love to you was never second best -
I saw the world thrashing all around your face -
never really knowing it was always mesh and lace -
I'll stop the world and melt with you -
you've seen the difference and -
it's getting better all the time -
there's nothing you and I won't do -
I'll stop the world and melt with you -
dream of better lives the kind which never hate -
dropped in the state of imaginary grace -
I made a pilgrimage to save this human race -
never comprehending a race that long gone by -
I'll stop the world and melt with you -
you've seen the difference and it's getting better all the time -
there's nothing you and I won't do -
I'll stop the world and melt with you -
the future's open wide..." - Modern English

from my journals

- 2013 mixed media on paper -

"Abstinence sows sand all over

The ruddy limbs and flaming hair,

But Desire Gratified

Plants fruits of life and beauty there."

- William Blake (1757-1827)

what do I most desire out of life?

what do I abstain from in life?

some of my Saturday morning questions...

prepared to bleed

Just before our love got lost you said -

"I am as constant as a northern star" and I said, 

"Constantly in the darkness -
Where's that at?...

Oh you are in my blood like holy wine -
You taste so bitter -
And so sweet oh -
I could drink a case of you,

darling and I would -
Still be on my feet -
Oh I would still be on my feet -

Oh I am a lonely painter -
I live in a box of paints -
I'm frightened by the devil -
And I'm drawn to those ones that ain't afraid -

I remember that time that you told me, you said -
"Love is touching souls" -
Surely you touched mine 'cause -
Part of you pours out of me -
In these lines from time to time -

Oh you are in my blood like holy wine -
You taste so bitter -
And so sweet oh -
I could drink a case of you darling -
Still I'd be on my feet -
I would still be on my feet -

I met a woman -
She had a mouth like yours, she knew your life -
She knew your devils and your deeds,

and she said -
"Go to him -
stay with him if you can -
But be prepared to bleed..."

- Joni Mitchell (circa 1971)

no tengo tiempo para quererte más

"Paso que pasa -

rostro que pasabas -

que más quieres -

te miro -

después me olvidare -

después y sólo -

sólo y después -

seguro que me olvido.

Paso que pasas -

rostro que pasabas -

que más quieres -

te quiero -

te quiero sólo dos -

o tres minutos -

para quererte más -

no tengo tiempo.

Paso que pasas -

rostro que pasabas -

ay no -

ay no me tientes -

que sí nos tentamos -

no nos podremos olvidar -

adiós."

- Mario Benedetti 

te amo y no te amo

"Sabrás que no te amo y que te amo
puesto que de dos modos es la vida,
la palabra es un ala del silencio,
el fuego tiene una mitad de frío.

Yo te amo para comenzar a amarte,
para recomenzar el infinito
y para no dejar de amarte nunca:
por eso no te amo todavía.

Te amo y no te amo como si tuviera
en mis manos las llaves de la dicha
y un incierto destino desdichado.

Mi amor tiene dos vidas para amarte.
Por eso te amo cuando no te amo
y por eso te amo cuando te amo."

- Pablo Neruda


...and in English...


"You must know that I do not love and that I love you,
because everything alive has its two sides;
a word is one wing of the silence,
fire has its cold half.

I love you in order to begin to love you,
to start infinity again
and never stop loving you:
that's why I do not love you yet.

I love you, and I do not love you, as if I held
keys in my hand:  to a future of joy --
a wretched, muddled fate --

My love has two lives, in order to love you:
that's why I love you when I do not love you,
and also why I love you when I do."

- Pablo Neruda translated by Stephen Tapscott

when I want you most

"Nothing

betrays me

more

than

the arch

in my back

leaning away

from you

when I

want you

most."

- Lauren Eden

kissing Valentino

"six o'clock already,
I was just in the middle of a dream,

I was kissing Valentino,

by a crystal blue Italian stream...

it's just another manic Monday,
I wish it was Sunday,
'cause that's my fun day,
my I don't have to run day,
it's just another manic Monday...

all of the nights,
why did my lover have to pick last night,
to get down...
he tells me in his bedroom voice:
come on honey, let's go make some noise...

time it goes so fast,
when you're having fun...
it's just another manic Monday..." - The Bangles

I am learning to love my early Monday mornings - they hold infinite potential for the week ahead...

remembering

"I've been looking so long at these pictures of you 

That I almost believe that they're real 

I've been living so long with my pictures of you 

That I almost believe that the pictures are 

All I can feel

Remembering

You standing quiet in the rain

As I ran to your heart to be near

And we kissed as the sky fell in

Holding you close

How I always held close in your fear

Remembering

You running soft through the night

You were bigger and brighter and whiter than snow

And screamed at the make-believe

Screamed at the sky

And you finally found all your courage

To let it all go

Remembering

You fallen into my arms

Crying for the death of your heart

You were stone white

So delicate

Lost in the cold

You were always so lost in the dark

Remembering

You how you used to be

Slow drowned

You were angels

So much more than everything

Hold for the last time then slip away quietly

Open my eyes

But I never see anything

If only I'd thought of the right words

I could have held on to your heart

If only I'd thought of the right words

I wouldn't be breaking apart

All my pictures of you

Looking so long at these pictures of you

But I never hold on to your heart

Looking so long for the words to be true

But always just breaking apart

My pictures of you

There was nothing in the world

That I ever wanted more

Than to feel you deep in my heart

There was nothing in the world

That I ever wanted more

Than to never feel the breaking apart

All my pictures of you..."

-THE CURE

stay open

"I'm a fool for that shake in your thighs.

I'm a fool for that sound in your sighs.

I'm a fool for your belly.

I'm a fool for your love.

I want to make this plain.

Oh, I know your faded, but stay, don't close your eyes...

Caught in this pool held in your eyes.

Caught like a fool without a line.

We're in a natural spring,

With this gentle sting between us.

Stay, stay open..."

- RHYE

a favorite song 

full moon

"Your skin smells like light. 

I think you are the moon."

- Nayyirah Waheed

mixed media collage on paper

disassembled

"He sweeps his arm across plates and glasses on a restaurant table so she might look up somewhere else in the city hearing this cause of noise. When he is without her. He, who has never felt alone in the miles of longitude between desert towns...He lies in his room surrounded by the pale maps. He is without her. His hunger wishes to burn down all social rules, all courtesy. Her life with others no longer interests him. He wants only her stalking beauty, her theatre of expressions. He wants the minute and secret reflection between them, the depth of field minimal, their foreignness intimate like two pages of a closed book.  He has been disassembled by her..."

- Michael Ondaatje

non so che cosa fai

"Io lavoro e penso a te,
torno a casa e penso a te,
le telefono e intanto penso a te...

Come stai e penso a te,
dove andiamo e penso a te,
le sorrido abbasso gli occhi e penso a te...

Non so con chi adesso sei,
non so che cosa fai,
ma so di certo a cosa stai pensando...

E' troppo grande la città,
per due che come noi,
non sperano però si stan cercando... cercando...

Scusa è tardi e penso a te,
ti accompagno e penso a te,
non son stato divertente e penso a te...

Sono al buio e penso a te,
chiudo gli occhi e penso a te,
io non dormo e penso a te..."

- Lucio Battisti (1943-1998)

do you trust your gut?

"Learning to trust your instincts, using your intuitive sense of what's best for you, is paramount for any lasting success. I've trusted the still, small voice of intuition my entire life. And the only time I've made mistakes is when I didn't listen. 

It's really more of a feeling than a voice—a whispery sensation that pulsates just beneath the surface of your being. All animals have it. We're the only creatures that deny and ignore it. 

How many times have you gone against your gut, only to find yourself at odds with the natural flow of things? We all get caught up in the business of doing, and sometimes lose our place in the flow. But the more we can tune in to our intuition, the better off we are. I believe it's how God speaks to us. 

For all the major moves in my life—to Baltimore, to Chicago, to own my show, and to end it—I've trusted my instincts. I take in all the information I can gather. I listen to proposals, ideas, and advice. Then I go with my gut, what my heart feels most strongly. 

And I often tell friends: When you don't know what to do, do nothing. Get quiet so you can hear the still, small voice—your inner GPS guiding you to true North. " - OPRAH

mouth

"...and what I am to you is not real,

what I am to you, you do not need,

what I am to you is not what you mean to me,

you give me miles and miles of mountains,

and I'll ask for the sea.

don't throw yourself like that,

in front of me.

I kissed your mouth, your back,

is that all you need?

don't drag my love around,

volcanoes melt me down.

...what I give to you is just what I'm going through,

there is nothing new, no, no just another phase of finding,

what I really need is what makes me bleed...

I kissed your mouth,

you do not need me."

- Damien Rice

growing up, I felt my mouth was too big, my lips too full...