sacred sweat

el sudor me sabe a besos salados...

el calor me sofoca como un amante cansado, me provoca...

"The cure for anything is salt water: sweat, tears or the sea." 

- Isak Dinesen

sacred, healing sweat...

intense, purifying heat...

cinco de mayo en granada

en caballo -

una yegua sin nombre -

en carreta -

con un ángel -

tres monos y muchos mangos -

verdes y maduros -

zancudos atrevidos -

un hermano -

una hermana -

rizas -

yo pinto muertos -

yo no pinto hombres -

yo no te pinto, me da miedo -

luna llena -

más rizas -

bailando en la calle -

chelas casi conjeladas, más sudadas -

hermosa? muy hermosa?

gracias, pero porque?

viejo verde y morado aguado -

lo perdono -

pelo pintado o no -

viuda santa -

me hacia falta Granada...

ciudad de mis sueños

universo de universos

- 2011 mixed media on paper -

"Ama tu ritmo y ritma tus acciones,

bajo su ley, asi como tus versos;
eres un universo de universos,
y tu alma una fuente de canciones." - Ruben Dario (1867-1916)

mi Mimi...

she taught me to stand tall and respect myself...

she taught me to trust my gut...

she taught me to clean, cook, sew and iron, but not because of my gender (she taught her sons and grandsons similar chores)...

she taught me to be loyal and truthful, especially with myself...

she taught me that motherhood is a privilege, a lifelong commitment and a selfless sacrifice...

she taught me how to hula dance, gracefully moving to the rhythms of nature while telling my story...

she taught me to always help another in need, especially another woman...

- excerpts from my journals

Happy Birthday Beloved Mimi...truly a Grand Mother...

mi Nicaragua...

- mixed media on paper -

"Si bien fue muy provechosa mi estancia en NY, sentía la nostalgia de mi Nicaragua. Me hacían falta desde las brisas del lago hasta el sonido de sus campanas."- Edith Grön (1917-1990)

mi Nicaragua...

consciousness

"Spiritual awakening is awakening from the dream of thought.

The realm of consciousness is much vaster than thought can grasp. When you no longer believe everything you think, you step out of thought and see clearly that the thinker is not who you are."

- Eckhart Tolle

owl medicine

we were emailing each other tonight - about life, love, romance, relationships, serendipity and owls, when my 6-year-old son came over smiling and playfully placed one of his many animal toys next to me...an owl...

"The owl spirit animal is emblematic of a deep connection with wisdom and intuitive knowledge. If you have the owl as a totem or power animal, you're likely to have the ability to see what's usually hidden to most. When the spirit of this animal guides you, you can see the true reality, beyond illusion and deceit...the inspiration and guidance necessary to deeply explore the unknown and the magic of life. 

...Owl spirit animals as messengers of change...when the owl shows up in your life pay attention to the winds of change...

Birds, especially birds of the night, are often associated with departed souls..."

- Elena Harris

"The owl is one of the most ancient signs of spirit contact. The owl is the silent guide, teaching us to trust our instincts and silent impressions, especially in regards to spirit communication. Its appearance now is alerting you to much spirit activity around you.  

The owl is also a creature of the night, and night symbolizes the darkness within - the places where great secrets and great treasures are hidden. Spirit is around now to remind you of this and to help you uncover these treasures. 

The owl provides guidance through heightening your senses - physically and spiritually..."

- Ted Andrews

snapshot of the messenger owl my son placed at my side as a reminder to connect within...there are no coincidences...we are divinely guided moment by moment, breath by breath into the dance...

bound by wild desire

- mixed media on paper -

“I'm falling in love with somebody I have no right to fall in love with...I can't fall in love with this man, but it's just like a ring of fire.”- June Carter Cash (1929-2003)

Love is a burning thing,
And it makes a fiery ring
Bound by wild desire
I fell into a ring of fire.

I fell into a burning ring of fire
I went down, down, down
And the flames went higher,
And it burns, burn, burns,
The ring of fire, the ring of fire.

The taste of love is sweet
When hearts like ours meet.
I fell for you like a child
Oh, but the fire ran wild.

...bound by wild desire...a delicious concept worth exploring...

what is it we most desire?

are we willing to go through the purifying fire?

through veil and desires beyond

"You meet another person and there are qualities in that personality which offend you and there are qualities which attract you - some qualities seduce you - some qualities repel you - some qualities sexually excite you - some qualities revolt you - some qualities interest you - some qualities fascinate you - some qualities bore you. It's only when you can see through all that veil...through all your own desires... Beyond Sita walking in the path that you can see beyond all that to where the other being is." - Ram Dass

secret language

I heard my name being whispered.

I looked up.

I read the messages in the clouds,

our secret love language of the skies.

The moon, the sun, the stars, the clouds...

...ours...

snapshots from today's afternoon walk

awareness

"Think of somebody...you do not like, who causes negative feelings to arise in you. Let's help you to understand what's going on. The first thing you need do understand is that the negative feeling is inside you. You are responsible for the negative feeling, not the other person. Someone else in your place would be perfectly calm and at ease in the presence of this person; they wouldn't be affected. You are. Now, understand another thing, that you're making a demand. You have an expectation of this person. Can you get in touch with that? Then say to this person:

"I have no right to make any demands on you."

In saying that, you will drop your expectation. 

"I have no right to make any demands on you. Oh, I'll protect myself from the consequences of your actions or your moods or whatever, but you can go right ahead and be what you choose to be. I have no right to make any demands on you."

...Some of you ask me what I meant when I said, "You go ahead and be yourself, I'll be myself." In other words, I won't allow you to manipulate me. I'll live my life; I'll go my own way; I'll keep myself free to think my thoughts, to follow my inclinations and tastes. And I'll say NO to you. If I feel I don't want to be in your company, it won't be because of any negative feelings you cause in me. Because you don't anymore. You don't have any power over me. I simply might prefer other people's company...And that's all right. To say NO to people - that's wonderful; that's part of waking up. Part of waking up is that you live your life as you see fit. And understand: That is not selfish. The selfish thing is to demand that someone else live their life as YOU see fit. That's selfish. It is not selfish to live your life as you see fit. The selfishness lies in demanding that someone else live their life to suit your tastes, or your pride, or your profit, or your pleasure. That is truly selfish. So I'll protect myself. I won't feel obligated to be with you; I won't feel obligated to say yes to you. If I find your company pleasant, then I'll enjoy it without clinging to it. But I no longer avoid you because of any negative feelings you create in me. You don't have that power anymore."

- Anthony De Mello

a direct message from the Divine...the book fell and opened to this passage...

HERstory is my story through art

"As I go into her, she pierces my heart. As I penetrate further, she unveils me. When I have reached her center, I am weeping openly. I have known her all my life, yet she reveals stories to me, and these stories are revelations and I am transformed. Each time I go to her I am born like this. Her renewal washes over me endlessly, her wounds carress me; I become aware of all that has come between us, of the noise between us, the blindness, of something sleeping between us. Now my body reaches out to her. They speak effortlessly, and I learn at no instant does she fail me in her presence. She is as delicate as I am; I know her sentience; I feel her pain and my own pain comes into me, and my own pain grows large and I grasp this pain with my hands, and I open my mouth to this pain, I taste, I know, and I know why she goes on, under great weight, with this great thirst, in drought, in starvation, with intelligence in every act does she survive disaster. This earth is my sister; I love her daily grace, her silent daring, and how loved I am how we admire this strength in each other, all that we have lost, all that we have suffered, all that we know: we are stunned by this beauty, and I do not forget: what she is to me, what I am to her." - Susan Griffin

SNAPSHOT:

detail from one of my pieces: endless freshwater pearls suspended from bronze sculpture and vintage silks...

the earth goddess is my muse...

I remember and celebrate HERstory...

never tell her you love her

"Do not promise her the stars if you cannot see them yourself and never tell her you love her if love does not mean the world to you." - Robert M. Drake 

mindful cravings

- morning meditation altar -

I have been hungry since last night, craving sushi and ceviche. 

Raw fish cravings...I have even been lusting after a clandestine cigarette. I doubt mermaids smoke.

What is my soul craving?

What does my soul hunger for?

I bring the cravings to my yoga and meditation practice this morning. I sit and stretch with them, becoming more curious and compassionate through each breath...

excerpt from my journals

mother earth

- 2013 mixed media -

“The Earth is our Mother. 

Whatever befalls the earth befalls the sons and daughters of the earth. This we know. All things are connected like the blood which unites one family. All things are connected.

Whatever befalls the earth befalls the sons and daughters of the earth. We did not weave the web of life, we are merely strands in it. Whatever we do to the web we do to ourselves.” 
- Chief Seattle (1780-1866)

their bad advice

- 2014 mixed media on paper -

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice -
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations -
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice,
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do -
determined to save
the only life that you could save.
- Mary Oliver

remember to check the handle

"We stand shivering at the door, terrified and panicked that we have lost the key. We waste lifetimes in the waiting because in the haze, the painted fog of our fear, we forget to check the handle and discover it has never been locked at all." 

- Tyler Knott Gregson

snapshots of a majestic magnolia tree outside my home...

two very different perspectives of the same tree, taken at the same time this afternoon...

amanecí muy Española...

- 2007 mixed media on paper -

"Es por culpa de una hembra 
que me estoy volviendo loco.
No puedo vivir sin ella,
pero con ella tampoco.

Y si de este mal de amores -
yo me fuera pa' la tumba,
a mi no me mandeis flores,
que como dice esta rumba:

Quise cortar la flor
mas tierna del rosal,
pensando que de amor
no me podria pinchar,
y mientras me pinchaba
me enseño una cosa
que una rosa es una rosa es una rosa...

Y cuando abri la mano
y la deje caer
rompieron a sangrar
las llagas en mi piel
y con sus petalos
me las curo mimosa
que una rosa es una rosa es una rosa...

Pero cuanto mas me cura,
al ratito mas me escuece,
porque amar es el empiece
de la palabra amargura.

Una mentira y un credo
por cada espina del tallo
que injertandose en los dedos
una rosa es un rosario..."
- J.M. Cano

amanecí muy Española...olé...
y que ponte los zapatos de tacón y taconea...

I woke up with this song in my mind...
Spanish dreams perhaps...

trust

- mixed media on paper -

"From the beginning, Paul and I had an advantage: we were good friends before we were lovers. We really liked each other. We could talk to each other, we could tell each other anything without fear of ridicule or rejection. There was trust." - Joanne Woodward 

motherworld

I am on this earth to mother: to nurture, to birth, to heal, to create, to mourn, to play...to dance the sacred, wild dance of motherhood, remembering HERstory...

"Avalon is psychologically a motherworld. It is the shadow of patriarchal consciousness, repressed and thus feared and distorted, as are any contents of the personal or collective unconscious that are denied. It is also the world of the Mother we once lived in if we were cherished in infancy; in growing up, we left this behind. This mother-world is personally prehistoric, before our own specific memories, as matriarchal history is also. Avalon as mother-world also continues to exist, side by side with rational consciousness, to be entered only when we alter consciousness by falling asleep and dreaming, fall in love, or are in a situation in which the veils between the worlds are thinner and we cross over.

...A model for the existence of motherworld and fatherworld exists as right and left brain psychology, in which the dominant left brain is rational, verbal, and linear, while the right brain is nonverbal, nonrational, nonlinear. The function of the right brain is less appreciated but has to do with images, emotional coloration of experiences, and song (if words at all); the right brain is open to alternative realities.

To cross to Avalon is to remember the archetypal Mother, the Goddess in her several forms and many names, to rediscover the feminine mysteries and the sacred in embodied experiences. Avalon exists where divinity dwells in nature and quickens in the pilgrim. Where there is feminine divinity, there is access to Avalon..."

- Jean Shinoda Bolen, M.D.

a favorite snapshot from a series 

from mouth to feet

"When she closed her eyes she felt he had many hands, which touched her everywhere, and many mouths, which passed so swiftly over her, and with a wolf-like sharpness, his teeth sank into her fleshiest parts. Naked now, he lay his full length over her. She enjoyed his weight on her, enjoyed being crushed under his body. She wanted him soldered to her, from mouth to feet. Shivers passed through her body."

- Anais Nin (1903-1977)

detail from 2015 mixed media on canvas 

wounds from craving love

"You are a royal fish trying to wear pants in a country as foreign as land.

Now there's a problem worth discussing.

Your separation from God had ripened. Now fall like a golden fruit into my hand.

All your wounds from craving love exist because of heroic deeds.

Now trade in those medals; that courage will help this world.

One needs to love those they have yet to love to stand near the Friend.

Why be a royal fish trying to wear pants?

Hafiz, what are you talking about? Has something happened to good brilliant mind?" - HAFIZ

detail from mixed media on paper, circa 2007

wisdom

"Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad." - Brian O'Driscoll 

dinner conversation drifted between circumcisions and nipple piercings...

pleasure and pain...

laughter and judgement...

snapshots of fruit from an ongoing series

between the shadow and the soul

- my shoulder -

"No te amo como si fueras rosa de sal, topacio 

o flecha de claveles que propagan el fuego:
te amo como se aman ciertas cosas oscuras,
secretamente, entre la sombra y el alma.

Te amo como la planta que no florece y lleva
dentro de sí, escondida, la luz de aquellas flores,
y gracias a tu amor vive oscuro en mi cuerpo
el apretado aroma que ascendió de la tierra.

Te amo sin saber cómo, ni cuándo, ni de dónde,
te amo directamente sin problemas ni orgullo:
así te amo porque no sé amar de otra manera,

sino así de este modo en que no soy ni eres,
tan cerca que tu mano sobre mi pecho es mía,
tan cerca que se cierran tus ojos con mi sueño."

- Pablo Neruda

***

"I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,

or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.

I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,

in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms

but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;

thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,

risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.

I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;

so I love you because I know no other way

than this:  where "I" does not exist, nor "you,"

so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,

so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep."

- Pablo Neruda translated by Stephen Tapscott

insatiability

"We yearned for the future. How did we learn it, that talent for insatiability?"

- Margaret Atwood

mixed media on canvas in a private collection

going to the river to pray

we went to the river on a healing, heartfelt walk...and under sunny, bright blue skies I began hearing the first line of a song I've never paid much attention to...

we saw geese, vultures, turtles, blue herons, spiders and tiny blue butterflies...

I looked up the song's lyrics and understood the message the universe was whispering to me...

"I keep going to the river to pray, cause I need something that can wash out the pain. And at most I'm sleeping all these demons away, but your ghost, the ghost of you keeps me awake.

My friends had you figured out. Yeah, they saw what's inside of you. You tried hiding another you, but your evil was coming through...your cold heart makes my spirit shake.

I had to go through hell to prove I'm not insane. Had to meet the devil just to know her name...

Each time that I think you go, I turn around and you're creeping in, and I let you under my skin...

I keep going to the river to pray...

give up the ghost...

stop the haunting...

no more haunting...

I keep going to the river to pray, cause I need something that can wash out the pain..." - Ella Henderson

snapshot of my son 

soy amor soy placer soy esencia

"Me importa una mierda lo que piense el mundo. Yo nací puta, yo nací pintora, yo nací jodida. Pero fui feliz en mi camino. Tu no entiendes lo que soy. Yo soy amor, soy placer, soy esencia, soy una idiota, soy una alcohólica, soy tenaz. Yo soy; simplemente soy..." - Frida Kahlo

she wanted him

"Her heart sank into her shoes as she realized at last how much she wanted him. No matter what his past was, no matter what he had done. Which was not to say that she would ever let him know, but only that he moved her chemically more than anyone she had ever met, that all other men seemed pale beside him." 

- F. Scott Fitzgerald 

snapshot: Roman Imperial Rosso AnticoTorso, circa 1st century A.D.

secretly

"Your body is away from me but there is a window open from my heart to yours. From this window, like the moon I keep sending news secretly." - RUMI

mixed media on paper

let's just go

"Don't threaten me with love, baby. Let's just go walking in the rain." - Billie Holiday

mixed media on paper

celestial messages

unfiltered snapshots from my afternoon walk...

my beloved father-in-law winks at me and laughs with me always...

the rare beauty of new life

"Easter spells out beauty, the rare beauty of new life." - S.D. Gordon

new life...

the rare beauty of new life...

on this Easter afternoon, my 6-year-old son informed me that he would like a baby (sibling) instead of a puppy...

"Are you thinking of having another child?" asked a dear one...

"Ni que Dios quiera! God forbid!" exclaimed another dear one (who happens to have three wonderful kids and recently adopted an adorable pooping puppy)...

something about the entire episode feels sad to me...

snapshots: my son's painted paper mâché eggs 

blood moon: full moon lunar eclipse

"The moon came to me last night with a sweet question. 

She said:

- The sun has been my faithful lover for millions of years.  Whenever I offer my body to him brilliant light pours from his heart. 

Thousands then notice my happiness and delight in pointing toward my beauty.

Hafiz, is it true that our destiny is to turn into Light itself? -

And I replied,

Dear Moon, now that your love is maturing, we need to sit together close like this more often so I might instruct you  how to become who you are!"

- HAFIZ

mixed media on paper

surrendering to sacred fires

- my eye -

A pulsating crescent moon gradually became a blood-orange fiery red.  The more I focused on the mystical moon, the rounder it became, gradually filling to capacity and perfect union with itself -- or could it have been with the sun?  In the midst of the orbed throbbing sphere of fire, I discovered a dancing Buddha ignited in light.  I can still feel the heat from the healing flames upon my face.

- excerpt from my dreams 

I am being purified and strengthened through the fires of my soul's journey and growth...I must celebrate and dance and simply surrender to the sacred fires...

  

questions

"Sometimes

if you move carefully 

through the forest, 

breathing

like the ones 

in the old stories, 

who could cross

a shimmering bed of leaves 

without a sound, 

you come

to a place 

whose only task 

is to trouble you 

with tiny 

but frightening requests, 

conceived out of nowhere 

but in this place 

beginning to lead everywhere.

Requests to stop what 

you are doing right now,

and

to stop what you

are becoming 

while you do it,

questions 

that can make

or unmake

a life,

questions 

that have patiently

waited for you,

questions 

that have no right

to go away."

- David Whyte

questions...

day and night

"...a voice within me keeps repeating: you, you, you. Night and day you are the one. Only you beneath the moon and under the sun. 

Whether near to me, or far - it's no matter darling where you are. I think of you night and day.

Day and night, why is it so?

That this longing for you follows wherever I go...in the silence of my lonely room, I think of you.

...a hungry yearning, burning inside of me and its torment won't be through till you let me spend my life making love to you,

day and night, night and day..."

- written by Cole Porter, circa 1932

Ella Fitzgerald sings one of my favorite versions...

snapshots taken with my cellphone today and tonight...