my kiss still makes him blush

“The minute I heard my first love story I started looking for you, not knowing how blind that was. Lovers don't finally meet somewhere. They are in each other all along.” – RUMI

he kissed me (my first kiss)
20 years ago
today

I married him
12 years ago
today

my kiss still makes him blush...

11.30.2014

friends: unexpected passion

- mixed media on paper from ROMANCE series -

"I don't believe in rules.  I think it's the heart that should talk.  The first thing about love is that you have to love yourself.  No relationship will work unless you do...I wanted to be his friend.  I thought he would be a good friend to have.  But we were completely taken over by passion, and it was completely, utterly unexpected on both sides.  That made it more exciting, because it was so unexpected...Yes, I do believe in soul mates." - Diane von Fürstenberg (b. 1946)

deja que el corazon decida lo que sentimos

yin and yang, tu y yo

"Yo no se si tu no se si yo

Seguirimos siendo como hoy

No se si despues de amanecer, 

vamos a sentir la misma sed 

Para que pensar y suponer, 

no preguntes cosas que no se... yo no se

No se donde vamos a parar, 

eso ya la piel nos lo dira

Para que jurar y prometer,

algo que no esta en nuestro poder

Yo no se lo que es eterno, 

no me pidas algo que es del tiempo

Yo no se mañana, yo no se mañana,

Si estaremos juntos, si se acaba el mundo

Yo no se si soy para ti, si seras para mi

Si lleguemos a amarnos o a odiarnos

Yo no se mañana, yo no se mañana,

Quien va a estar aqui 

De un cafe pasamos al sofa, 

de un boton a todo lo demas

No pusimos reglas ni reloj, 

aqui estamos solos tu y yo

Todo lo que ves es lo que soy, 

no me pidas mas de lo que doy

Yo no se mañana, yo no se mañana,

Si estaremos juntos, si se acaba el mundo

Yo no se si soy para ti, si seras para mi

Si lleguemos a amarnos o a odiarnos

Yo no se mañana, yo no se mañana,

Quien va a estar aqui

Esta vida es igual a un libro

Cada pagina es, un dia vivido

No tratemos de correr antes de andar

Esta noches estamos vivos

Solo este momento es realidad

Oh no, no, no se

Yo no se mañana

Esta vida es una ruleta que gira sin parar

Yo no se mañana

Yo no se si tu, yo no se si yo, como sera el final

Yo no se mañana

Puede ser peor, o puede ser mejor

Yo no se mañana

Deja que el corazon decida vida mia lo que sentimos

Mañana... yo no se

Yo no se, yo no se mañana

Ahora lo que vivimos es algo realmente lindo,

Quien puede saber lo que pasara mañana 

no hay nada escrito

Yo no se, yo no se mañana

Estamos solo tu y yo

Y los momentos hay que vivirlos... hay que vivirlos

Yo no se mañana, yo no se mañana,

Si estaremos juntos, si se acaba el mundo

Yo no se si soy para ti, si seras para mi

Si lleguemos a amarnos o a odiarnos

Yo no se mañana, yo no se mañana..."

- Luis Enrique

ahora lo que vivimos es algo realmente lindo...

y los momentos hay que vivirlos...hay que vivirlos...

todo que ves es lo que soy, no te pido mas de lo que das...

deja que el corazon decida vida mia lo que sentimos...

burning stars

"One day your finally knew

what you had to do, and began,

though the voices around you

kept shouting

their bad advice --

though the whole house

began to tremble

and you felt the old tug

at your ankles.

"Mend my life!"

each voice cried.

But you didn't stop.

You knew what you had to do,

though the wind pried

with its stiff fingers

at the very foundations,

though their melancholy

was terrible.

It was already late

enough, and a wild night,

and the road full of fallen

branches and stones.

But little by little,

as you left their voices behind,

the stars began to burn

through the sheets of clouds,

and there was a new voice

which you slowly

recognized as your own,

that kept you company

as you strode deeper and deeper

into the world,

determined to do

the only thing you could do --

determined to save

the only life you could save."

- Mary Oliver

the poetry of his mouth on my body

"Every place where His mouth touched my body a poem came out. And there is not one speck of me He did not kiss..."

- my beloved Hafiz

2014 mixed media paintings on canvas

dance with me

"Dear Ones, 

Let's anoint this earth with dance!"

- my beloved Hafiz

when will you dance with me?

you've asked me once, or perhaps twice,

will you ask again?

to dance is to worship the earth through spirit and body as one...

to dance is to honor the ancestors through rhythm, movement and sweat...

to dance is to make love to one's essence through expression...

when will I dance with you?

perhaps I shall ask you because I know you will accept...

excerpt from my journals

2013 mixed media on paper

devotion

"Life is given. Nothing is earned, so learn to serve others, not your own desire and greed and ego. They steal your energies, whereas devotion builds your strength and protects the intelligent flame that leads to the truth within." 

- Lalla, 14th century mystic

spiritual warrior

me desperté con alma de guerrera,

me vestí de negro, bese mi sombra,

y enfrente demonios disfrazados en sonrisas falsas...

"...now people talk to me, but nothing ever hits home...this is the start of how it all ends. They used to shout my name, now they just whisper it..."

-LORDE

I have lost my patience with false smiles and fair-weathered friends...the spiritual warrior within me is waking up and I am falling madly in love with my strength and courage...

new moon blessings

"The soul, like the moon, is new, and always new again."

 - Lalleshwari (14th century)

my date on Friday night

he is barefoot and wears delightful, striped pajamas...

he intoduces me to his friends, a falcon and an eagle...

we light a candle in anticipation of tomorrow's new moon...

we pray for the planet and for our loved ones...

we give thanks for the blessings in our life...

we begin writing a wonderful story about a falcon, an eagle and a boy...

no beginning and no end

"In the infinity of life, all is perfect, whole, and complete. The cycle of life is also perfect, whole, and complete. There is a time of beginning, a time of growth, a time of being, a time of withering or wearing out, and a time of leaving. This is all part of the perfection of life. I sense it as normal and natural, and although saddened at times, I accept the cycle and its rhythms. Sometimes there is an abrupt ending in mid-cycle. I am jarred and feel threatened. Someone dies too soon, or something was smashed and broken. However, I know that life is ever-changing. There is no beginning and no end, only a constant cycling and recycling of substance and experience. Life is never stuck or static or stale, for each moment is ever-new and fresh. Every ending is a new point of beginning." - Louise L. Hay

let us honor the sacred dance, the sacred rhythms, breath by breath, moment by moment...

I dreamed with the ocean last night...salty kisses and tears...waves of emotions combined with memories...

quenching your thirst near me

"I know the way you can get when you have not had a drink of Love;  your face hardens, your sweet muscles cramp.

Children become concerned about a strange look that appears in your eyes which even begins to worry your own mirror and nose.

Cats sense your sadness and call in an important conference in a tall tree.  They decide which secret code to chant to help your mind and soul.

Even angels fear that brand of madness that arrays itself against the world and throws sharp stones and spears into the innocent and into one's self.

Oh I know that way you can get if you have not been drinking Love:

 - You might rip apart every sentence your friends and teachers say, looking for hidden clauses.

 - You might weigh every word on a scale like a dead fish.

 - You might pull out a ruler to measure from every angle in your darkness the beautiful dimensions of a heart you once trusted.

I know the way you can get if you have not had a drink from Love's hands.

That is why all the Great Ones speak of the vital need to keep remembering God, so you will come to know and see Him as being so giving and wanting, just wanting to help.

That is why Hafiz says,

"Bring your cup near me, for a I am a Sweet Old Vagabond with an infinite leaking barrel of Light and Laughter and Truth that the Beloved has tied to my back.  Dear One, indeed, please bring your heart near me.  For all I care about is quenching your thirst for freedom!  All a sane man can ever care about is giving LOVE!"

- my beloved HAFIZ

Diego El Cigala

un lobo aullando sus penas a la luna azul...

a wolf howling sorrows to the blue moon...

un profeta de barba larga, susurrando secretos y misterios de otros tiempos, de otros mundos...

a prophet with a long beard, whispering secrets and mysteries from past times and other worlds...

zapatillas negras de fino tiersopelo, manteniendo el ritmo, latidos de un corazón desesperado...

black velvet slippers, keeping the rhythm, pulsations of a desperate heart...

manos largas, garras elegantes y bien cuidadas con amuletos de oro..se persignaba la frente y el escenario con gotas de un elixir color naranja que luego consumía con sed...

long hands, elegant, manicured claws clad in gold amulets....he blessed his forehead and the stage with an orange elixir he later consumed with thirst...

una noche inolvidable con Diego...

an unforgettable evening with Diego...

raw compassion

"Compassion is threatening to the ego. We might think of it as something warm and soothing, but actually it's very raw."

- Pema Chodron

raw compassion...raw empathy...

hands of a healer

the cardinal's hands were quite warm when he greeted me...has he hands of a healer? 

snapshots from last night's gala at the Organization of the American States

tu párvula boca que siendo tan niña me enseñó a pecar

- 2013 mixed media from my journals -

si tienes un hondo penar
piensa en mí,
si tienes ganas de llorar
 piensa en mí,
ya ves que venero
tu imagen divina, 

tu párvula boca,
que siendo tan niña,
me enseñó a pecar.
piensa en mí
cuando beses,
cuando llores,
también piensa en mí.
cuando quieras
quitarme la vida,
no la quiero para nada,
para nada me sirve sin ti.

- Agustin Lara (1900 - 1970)

a child of destiny

- mixed media on paper from ROMANCE series -

“Since I was a little girl, I believed I was a child of destiny, and if that is true, Richard Burton was surely my fate.” 
- Elizabeth Taylor (1932-2011)

do you believe in destiny?

do you believe in fate?

do you believe in karma?

dancing saints

"There is no spot on earth that ever became sacred until something danced there; maybe it was just an atom or two.

Strange now the seriousness I see around the shrines of perfect saints whose feet were once wept ecstatic tears as they moved upon the sun they saw beneath our every step.

There is no place in existence that ever became sacred until something sang there, even be it just a molecule. That is enough. I hear they croon all the time."

- my beloved HAFIZ

detail from a 2013 watercolor on paper in a private collection 

surrender

I sat under the trees and thought.

I sat under the trees and cried.

I asked for guidance and listened to a sweet whispering breeze:

surrender to the sacred dance of life and death 

surrender to the sacred cycles of nature

surrender to the mystery

surrender with grace and dignity 

surrender with joy 

surrender with gratitude

I sat under the trees as the sun set majestically.

snapshots from this afternoon 

strange sweetness keeps us apart

"My memory of your face prevents me from seeing you. Lightning veils your brow. Recalling our kissing, I can't kiss you now. So strange, such sweetness could keep us apart." - RUMI 

2013 mixed media on canvas in a private collection

letting go

"The call of death is a call of love. Death can be sweet if we answer it in the affirmative, if we accept it as one of the great eternal forms of life and transformation." - Hermann Hesse

...a sweet call of love...

attuned to life's cycles

"My life is fruitful and abundant. Just as the earth has its cycles and seasons, so, too, our own lives have times of planting, times of growth and times of harvest."

"So much of my frustration comes from my refusal to accept life's seasons as they come to me."

"An adolescent child enters a period of rebellion. This is necessary to full maturation. A project at the midpoint is sprawling and unwieldy. This, too, is necessary. A marriage enters a time of solo growth and trajectories as each partner pursues independent interests. However unsettling, this, too, is healthy."

"Not all seasons lie serene in the sun, yet each has its place. As I ask to be attuned to life's cycles, I feel my anxiety slipping away. I rest in the faith that all is unfolding according to right timing. I am where I should be when I should be. I am alert to the good of every moment."

- Julia Cameron

images: mixed media on paper from a series of work in progress

almas se besan

hombre de oro y diosa azul -

entre sueños y lunas se encuentran -

sus almas se besan -

de oro -

de azul -

excerpt from my dream journals

sixteen going on seventeen

Once upon a time I wore a leather bustier...

I remember borrowing it from my mother, who probably still fits into it.

A black leather bustier with embroidered roses...this is where my story may begin...

"You wait little girl,

on an empty stage,

for fate to turn the light on.

Your life little girl,

is an empty page,

that men will want to write on.

You are 16 going on 17,

Baby, it's time to think,

better beware,

be canny and careful,

Baby, you're on the brink.

You are 16 going on 17,

fellows will fall in line, 

eager young lads,

and grueways and cads,

will offer you fruit and wine.

Totally unprepared are you,

to face a world of men,

timid and shy and scared are you,

of things beyond your ken.

You need someone,

older and wiser,

telling you what to do..."

- Oscar Hammerstein & Richard Rodgers, circa 1959

full moon dreams

llevo luna llena en la mirada,

te encuentro en mis sueños,

como murciélago - 

buscando cueva o volcán

un lugar en donde aterrizar

buscando

lunas negras - lunas nuevas,

lunas llenas - lunas de luz 

excerpt from my dream journal 

2014 mixed media on canvas completed this morning after meditation 

detail of my eye