antes de ser maldita

" Te doy mi alma desnuda, como estatua a la cual ningún cendal escuda. Desnuda con el puro impudor de un fruto, de una estrella o una flor; de todas esas cosas que tienen la infinita serenidad de Eva antes de ser maldita. De todas esas cosas, frutos, astros y rosas, que no sienten vergüenza del sexo sin celajes y a quienes nadie osara fabricarles ropajes. Sin velos, como el cuerpo de una diosa serena ¡que tuviera una intensa blancura de azucena! Desnuda, y toda abierta de par en par ¡por el ansia del amar! "

- Juana de Ibarbourou (1892 – 1929)

ignórame

Ya quiéreme de a poco

Pero que no me de cuenta y que nadie sepa

Ven, y cuídame

Pero que parezca que me estas haciendo daño

Amárrame… 

Ay, finge que no te gusto

Dame una mirada y luego vuélvete lejana

Y sin querer búscame y déjame

Llámame pero no me hables, besame y ahogame

Amárrame… 

Curarme…

Y enfermaré de a poco, poco, poco

Curame…

Trasformame un loco poco poco

Amárrame… 

Ay, quiero ver tu perversión

Hasta donde llega, hasta donde me has llevado

Ignorame, ven y pierde la razón

Quiero que me ruegues y me mires a los ojos 

Dame la espalda, desenfocame

Tómame del pelo y repiteme mi nombre

Y ámame, pero sin querer

Deja que te lleve que mañana acaba todo

Amárrame… 

Curame…

Y enfermaré de a poco, poco, poco

Curame…

Trasformame un loco poco poco

Amárrame… 

Curame…

Y enfermaré de a poco, poco, poco

Curame…

Trasformame un loco poco poco

Amárrame…

- Mon Laferte and Juanes

robarte un beso

"Son muchos años que pasaron sin decir que y en verdad te quiero pero encuentro formas de engañar mi corazón.

Son muchos años que pasaron sin robarte un beso solo quiero un beso, y por esa boca no me importa ser ladrón.

No puede ser que no he encontrado todavía las palabras y en esa noche no dije nada.

No puede ser que en un segundo me perdí en tu mirada aunque por dentro yo te gritaba.

Déjame robarte un beso que me llegue hasta el alma, como un vallenato de esos viejos que nos gustaban.

Se que sientes mariposas, yo también sentí sus alas.

Déjame robarte un beso que te enamore y tú no te vayas...

Déjame robarte el corazón.

Déjame escribirte una canción.

Déjame que con un beso nos perdamos los dos.

Déjame robarte el corazón.

Déjame subirle a esta canción.

Para que bailemos juntos como nadie bailó.

Déjame robarte un beso que me llegue hasta el alma.

Como un vallenato de esos viejos que nos gustaban.

Se que sientes mariposas, yo también sentí sus alas.

Déjame robarte un beso que te enamore y tú no te vayas.

Yo sé que a ti te gusta que yo te cante así.

Que tú te pones seria pero te hago reír.

Que se que tu me quieres... Por qué tú eres así.

Y cuando estamos juntos ya no se que decir..."

- Carlos Vives and Sebastian Yatra

action, my dear

"She shows up just when you need her. She always gives you the support and counsel you need, and never judges you.

She is an amazing psychic advisor: she knows what the future holds for you, and she can tell you what to do and what not to do to avoid something bad or find the right job, or the right home, or the right partner.

She is a...healer who can help you to fix your body before you get sick, and who has the right medicine and nurturing to speed you into healing and recovery...She makes house calls at any time, and she never charges you a cent.

She's fabulous fun and a great traveling companion. She makes you want to get up and dance, and sing, and play. She loves to fly off to exotic places...

She has wonderful energy. An hour in her company gives you a boost for a whole week.

She'll mother you when you, and your beautiful inner child self, need mothering, hold you when you need holding, and give you a shove when you need to jump through a hole in the world.

She knows you better than you know yourself, in your everyday mind. When she holds up a mirror in front of you, you don't notice the blemishes. You see a being of radiant power and possibility, your ancient and shining self. And in that moment of recognition, you begin to remember and live from your soul's purpose, the sacred contract you signed before you came into your present body.

...and you never say thank you, or remember her birthday. You ignore her advice more often than not...You forget the songs you sang together, and those nights of love and beauty...If you find the moon through the smog and city lights, you do not recollect that she flew you there...

If she were a regular friend, she might dump you as a miserable ingrate. This friend is beyond the ordinary, and she has the patience of an angel - but even the patience of angels is not endless. So if you won't take her advice, she might make less of an effort to warn you...Then the magic begins to flicker in your world, and you are more alone than you ever need or want to be.

...dreams require action. We must take action to honor the friend who visits and advises and travels with us in our dreams, but the most important is the one we find in the mirror - when our sight is clear: the ancient and shining self. 

Taking the right action to honor dreams is practical magic of a high order. Real magic is the art of reaching into a deeper reality and bringing gifts from it into the physical world. This is what we do when we honor dreams, and the powers that speak through dreams."

- Robert Moss

I imagine you are busy enough

I asked for wisdom and my beloved HAFIZ answered:

"One of the dumbest things you can do is backbite an animal or a human being.

Reason is: Besides the fact that an animal who is feeling grouchy that day might bite you back...

Whenever you speak ill of any living creature something of their shadow might fall on you.

Some unwanted impressions of theirs could spill on your floor,

and I imagine you are busy enough trying to keep things tidy."

- HAFIZ

snapshot - endless pearls with vintage silks and signature bronze sculpture

waiting

"I will be waiting here

for your silence to break

for your soul to shake

for your love to wake." - RUMI

unfathomable grace

- what is on your desk? -

From the beginning of my life

I have been looking for your face

but today I have seen it

Today I have seen

the charm, the beauty,

the unfathomable grace

of the face

that I was looking for

Today I have found you

and those who laughed

and scorned me yesterday

are sorry that they were not looking

as I did

I am bewildered by the magnificence

of your beauty

and wish to see you

with a hundred eyes

My heart has burned with passion

and has searched forever

for this wondrous beauty

that I now behold

I am ashamed

to call this love human

and afraid of God

to call it divine

Your fragrant breath

like the morning breeze

has come to the stillness of the garden

You have breathed new life into me

I have become your sunshine

and also your shadow

My soul is screaming in ecstasy

Every fiber of my being

is in love with you

Your effulgence

has lit a fire in my heart

and you have made radiant

for me

the earth and sky

My arrow of love

has arrived at the target

I am in the house of mercy

and my heart

is a place of prayer

- RUMI

I begin my days with poetry and prayer, meditation and yoga...

my mind

"And so it is just like you said it would be,
Life goes easy on me,
Most of the time,
And so it is the shorter story,
No love, no glory,
No hero in her sky,

I can't take my eyes off you...

And so it is just like you said it should be,
We'll both forget the breeze,
Most of the time,
And so it is the colder water,
The Blower's daughter,
The pupil in denial,

I can't take my eyes off you...

Did I say that I loathe you?
Did I say that I want to leave it all behind?

I can't take my mind off you...

My mind, my mind,
'Til I find somebody new..."

- Damien Rice

two sides

"Sabras que no te amo y que te amo puesto que de dos modos es la vida, la palabra es un ala del silencio, el fuego tiene una mitad de frío. Yo te amo para comenzar a amarte, para recomenzar el infinito y para no dejar de amarte nunca: por eso no te amo todavía. Te amo y no te amo como si tuviera en mis manos las llaves de la dicha y un incierto destino desdichado. Mi amor tiene dos vidas para amarte. Por eso te amo cuando no te amo y por eso te amo cuando te amo." - Pablo Neruda ...and in English... "You must know that I do not love and that I love you, because everything alive has its two sides; a word is one wing of the silence, fire has its cold half. I love you in order to begin to love you, to start infinity again and never stop loving you: that's why I do not love you yet. I love you, and I do not love you, as if I held keys in my hand:  to a future of joy -- a wretched, muddled fate -- My love has two lives, in order to love you: that's why I love you when I do not love you, and also why I love you when I do." - Pablo Neruda translated by Stephen Tapscott

stop the world

"moving forward using all my breath -
making love to you was never second best -
I saw the world thrashing all around your face -
never really knowing it was always mesh and lace -
I'll stop the world and melt with you -
you've seen the difference and -
it's getting better all the time -
there's nothing you and I won't do -
I'll stop the world and melt with you -
dream of better lives the kind which never hate -
dropped in the state of imaginary grace -
I made a pilgrimage to save this human race -
never comprehending a race that long gone by -
I'll stop the world and melt with you -
you've seen the difference and it's getting better all the time -
there's nothing you and I won't do -
I'll stop the world and melt with you -
the future's open wide..." - Modern English

the way you make love

"There are so many words by Rumi that melt me straightaway into the heart pine floor. This particular line of words is so powerful and free of prediction that first it freezes me, forcing my eyes closed, and then instantly it infuses me with a kind of sweet slow burn that reminds me that I am so alive and so willing to take another chance on another new day. If this line had been spoken at Emmanuel Methodist Church when I was a girl in South Carolina I would not have been bored and scribbling bad poetry in the margins of the church program. I would have been mindful, engrossed, bowed, a devoted girl shepherd — imagining the future.” - Nikky Finney

--  “The way you make love is the way God will be with you." - RUMI --

circumstance beyond our control

"I found a picture of you,

What hijacked my world that night,

To a place in the past,

We've been cast out of ?

Now we're back in the fight,

We're back on the train,

Oh, back on the chain gang

A circumstance beyond our control,

The phone, the TV and the news of the world,

Got in the house like a pigeon from hell,

Threw sand in our eyes and descended like flies,

Put us back on the train

Oh, back on the chain gang

The powers that be

That force us to live like we do 

Bring me to my knees 

When I see what they've done to you 

But I'll die as I stand here today 

Knowing that deep in my heart 

They'll fall to ruin one day 

For making us part

I found a picture of you, oh oh oh oh 

Those were the happiest days of my life 

Like a break in the battle was your part, oh oh oh oh 

In the wretched life of a lonely heart 

Now we're back on the train 

Oh, back on the chain gang..."

- The Pretenders

time to face the truth

"My life is brilliant.
My love is pure.
I saw an angel.
Of that I'm sure.
She smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won't lose no sleep on that,
'Cause I've got a plan.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

Yes, she caught my eye,
As we walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was,
Flying high.
And I don't think that I'll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last till the end.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.
But it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you." - James Blunt

you have been the one

“VOLCÁN II” - mixed media on canvas - 2020 

"Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your hand.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I am a dreamer and when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bare my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow..."

- Sacha Skarbek, sung by James Blunt 

no pido mucho

"Look, I don't ask much, just your hand, to hold it...I need that door you gave me for coming into your world, that little chunk of green sugar, of a lucky ring. Can't you just spare me your hand tonight at the end of a year of hoarse-voiced-owls? You can't for technical reasons. So I weave it in the air, warping each finger, the silky peach of the palm and the back, that country of blue trees. That's how I take it and hold it, as if so much of the world depended on it..."

- Julio Cortázar translated by Stephen Kessler

the original version in Spanish always takes my breath away...

"Mira, no pido mucho, solamente tu mano, tenerla...Necesito esa puerta que me dabas para entrar a tu mundo, ese trocito de azúcar verde, de redondo alegre. No me prestas tu mano en esta noche de fin de año de lechuzas roncas? No puedes, por razones técnicas. Entonces la tramo en aire, urdiendo cada dedo, el durazno sedoso de la palma y el dorso, ese país de azules árboles. Así la tomo y la sostengo, como si de ello dependiera muchísimo del mundo..."

- Julio Cortázar

me emocionaba

- mixed media on paper -

"Como a todas las muchachas del mundo,
también a Ella,
tejiéronla
con sus sueños,
los hombres que la amaban.

Y yo la amaba.

Pudo ser para otros un rostro
que el Viento del Olvido 
borra a cada instante.
Pudo ser,
pero yo la amaba.

Yo veía las cosas más sencillas
volverse misteriosas
cuando Ella las tocaba.
Porque las estrellas de la noche
¡Ella con su mano las sembraba!

Los días de esmeralda,
los pájaros tranquilos,
los rocíos azules,
¡Ella los creaba!

Yo me emocionaba
con sólo verla pisar la hierba.

¡Ah si tus ojos me miraran todavía!

Esta noche no tendría tanta noche.
Esta noche la lluvia caería sin mojarme.

Porque la lluvia no empapa
a los que se pierden 
en el bosque de sus sueños relucientes,
y sus días no terminan
y son sus noches transparentes.

¿Dónde estás ahora?
¿En qué ciudad,
en qué penumbra,
en cuál bosque
te desconocen las luciérnagas?

Tal vez mientras escribo,
estás en un suburbio,
sola, inerme, abandonada...

¡Abandonada, no!

En tu ausencia
mi corazón todas las tardes muere."

- Manuel Scorza (1928-1983)

you force yourself to forget me

"I feel myself dying in you, overtaken by expanding spaces, which feed on me like hungry butterflies.

I close my eyes and I'm laid out in your memory, barely alive, with my mouth wide open and the river of oblivion rising. 

And you, patiently, with needle-nosed pliers, pull out my teeth, my eyelashes, you strip the clover from my voice, the shade from my desire, you open up windows of space in my name and blue holes in my chest through which the summers rush out in mourning.

Transparent, sharpened, interwoven with air I float in a drowse, and still I say your name and wake you, anguished. 

But you force yourself to forget me, and I'm barely a bubble reflecting you, which you'll burst with the blink of an eye." 

- Julio Cortázar translated by Stephen Kessler 

"Me siento morir en ti, atravesado de espacios que crecen, que me comen igual que mariposas hambrientas.

Cierro los ojos y estoy tendido en tu memoria, apenas vivo, con los abiertos labios donde remonta el río del olvido.

Y tu, con delicadas pinzas de paciencia me arrancas los dientes, las pestañas, me desnudas el trébol de la voz, la sombra del deseo, vas abriendo en mi nombre ventanas al espacio y agujeros azules en mi pecho por donde los veranos huyen lamentándose.

Transparente, aguzado, entretejido de aire floto en la duermevela, y todavía digo tu nombre y te despierto acongojada.

Pero te esfuerzas y me olvidas, yo soy apenas la burbuja que te refleja, que destruirás con sólo un parpadeo."

- Julio Cortázar 

las aguas de mis pensamientos

"Hay almas que tienen
azules luceros,
mañanas marchitas
entre hojas del tiempo,
y castos rincones
que guardan un viejo
rumor de nostalgias
y sueños.

Otras almas tienen
dolientes espectros
de pasiones. Frutas
con gusanos. Ecos
de una voz quemada
que viene de lejos
como una corriente
de sombra. Recuerdos
vacíos de llanto
y migajas de besos.
Mi alma está madura
hace mucho tiempo,
y se desmorona
turbia de misterio.
Piedras juveniles
roídas de ensueño
caen sobre las aguas
de mis pensamientos.
Cada piedra dice:
“¡Dios está muy lejos!”

- Federico García Lorca (1898-1936)

continue

I have been working on several projects, but my priority is cultivating the divine art of motherhood. 

My daughter is three years old and I am completely dedicated to her.

Why do I feel as if I need to explain this to anyone? 

I homeschool my sixth grader (since kindergarten) and he is thriving.

I continue to paint.

I continue to design wearable sculpture. Each piece tells a story and no two are exactly alike (my motto since I began on this journey of creation over two decades ago).

I continue to write. 

I continue to practice yoga.

I continue to surrender to the sacred dance of life...

a favorite snapshot of my daughter a couple of years ago, playing with some of my bangles