self-inflicted imprisonment

"You know the worst thing is freedom. Freedom of any kind is the worst for creativity. You know, Dali spent two months in jail in Spain, and these two months were the most enjoyable and happy in my life. Before my jail period, I was always nervous, anxious. I didn't know if I should make a drawing, or perhaps make a poem, or go to the movies or the theatre, or catch a girl, or play with the boys. The people put me in jail, and my life became divine. Tremendous!" - Salvador Dali 

so...lack of freedom and limited options may be regarded as blessings in disguise at times? hmmm...

how do I create a life of self-inflicted imprisonment? 

am I ready to emerge from this energetic womb and birth myself to freedom?

I am continuing to connect the dots...and feel grateful for the whispers of wisdom the universe is sending...

to run away without leaving home

I have been dreaming of running away...escaping...

How blessed I am to have my art as refuge, as a vehicle of spiritual expression and interspection...

"Art is the only way to run away without leaving home." - Twyla Tharp 

some intense experience

"A woman's life can really be a succession of lives, each revolving around some emotionally compelling situation or challenge, and each marked off by some intense experience." 

-Wallis Simpson (1896-1986)

spirits in the skies

"You are alone with everything you love." - Novalis (1772-1801)

what do you love?

really love?

whom do you love?

not out of habit...not out of fear...not out of some sense of honor, duty or commitment and certainly not out of pity...

whom do you really love?

freely and joyfully...spontaneously and playfully...in the moment...without judgements or regrets...

from my journals

the path itself

"Everything that occurs is not only usable and workable but is actually THE PATH itself. We can use everything that happens to us as the means for waking up. We can use everything that occurs - whether it's our conflicting emotions and thoughts or our seemingly outer situation - to show us where we are asleep and how we can wake up completely, utterly, without reservations." - Pema Chodron

reputations

- self-portrait -

what will you leave behind?

When the Queen of Sheba came to Solomon,
she left behind her kingdom and her wealth
the same way lovers leave their reputations.

- RUMI

what will you abandon for love?

full moon full circle

questions

revelations

mysteries

soul

body

mind

full moon

full circle

fears

truth

tears

porque yo te quiero

- 2013 mixed media -

No te rindas, aún estás a tiempo - 
De alcanzar y comenzar de nuevo, 
Aceptar tus sombras, 
Enterrar tus miedos, 
Liberar el lastre, 
Retomar el vuelo. 
No te rindas que la vida es eso,
Continuar el viaje,
Perseguir tus sueños,
Destrabar el tiempo,
Correr los escombros,
Y destapar el cielo.
No te rindas, por favor no cedas,
Aunque el frío queme,
Aunque el miedo muerda,
Aunque el sol se esconda,
Y se calle el viento,
Aún hay fuego en tu alma,
Aún hay vida en tus sueños.
Porque la vida es tuya y tuyo también el deseo,
Porque lo has querido y porque te quiero.
Porque existe el vino y el amor, es cierto.
Porque no hay heridas que no cure el tiempo.
Abrir las puertas,
Quitar los cerrojos,
Abandonar las murallas que te protegieron,
Vivir la vida y aceptar el reto,
Recuperar la risa,
Ensayar un canto,
Bajar la guardia y extender las manos,
Desplegar las alas,
E intentar de nuevo,
Celebrar la vida y retomar los cielos.
No te rindas, por favor no cedas,
Aunque el frío queme,
Aunque el miedo muerda,
Aunque el sol se ponga y se calle el viento,
Aún hay fuego en tu alma,
Aún hay vida en tus sueños.
Porque cada día es un comienzo nuevo,
Porque esta es la hora y el mejor momento.
Porque no estás solo, porque yo te quiero.
- Mario Benedetti (1920 - 2009)

intense shadow work

- my shadow in blue hues -

I am in labor.  Parts of me are dying away in order to allow other parts of the Self to be birthed...I am in the midst of some intense shadow work...

"Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves."

- Carl Jung (1875-1961)

working with projections

working on my self

welcoming the lessons

welcoming the teachers

welcoming the mirrors

always with gratitude and humility

Mother Courage

- my fabulous mother today -

"I've been through it all, baby, I'm Mother Courage."

- Elizabeth Taylor

there is a Mother Courage in every woman...

danced in blue

- I woke up danced in blue... self-portrait -

"We have come to be danced

not the pretty dance
not the pretty pretty, pick me, pick me dance
but the claw our way back into the belly
of the sacred, sensual animal dance
the unhinged, unplugged, cat is out of its box dance
the holding the precious moment in the palms
of our hands and feet dance

We have come to be danced
not the jiffy booby, shake your booty for him dance
but the wring the sadness from our skin dance
the blow the chip off our shoulder dance
the slap the apology from our posture dance

We have come to be danced
not the monkey see, monkey do dance
one, two dance like you
one two three, dance like me dance
but the grave robber, tomb stalker
tearing scabs & scars open dance
the rub the rhythm raw against our souls dance

WE have come to be danced
not the nice invisible, self conscious shuffle
but the matted hair flying, voodoo mama
shaman shakin’ ancient bones dance
the strip us from our casings, return our wings
sharpen our claws & tongues dance
the shed dead cells and slip into
the luminous skin of love dance

We have come to be danced
not the hold our breath and wallow in the shallow end of the floor dance
but the meeting of the trinity: the body, breath & beat dance
the shout hallelujah from the top of our thighs dance
the mother may I?
yes you may take 10 giant leaps dance
the Olly Olly Oxen Free Free Free dance
the everyone can come to our heaven dance

We have come to be danced
where the kingdom’s collide
in the cathedral of flesh
to burn back into the light
to unravel, to play, to fly, to pray
to root in skin sanctuary
We have come to be danced
WE HAVE COME" - Jewel Mathieson

Queen of Sheba

- mixed media from my journals -

"Wisdom is sweeter than honey, brings more joy than wine, illumines more than the sun, is more precious than jewels.

She causes the ears to hear and the heart to comprehend.  I love her like a mother, and she embraces me as her own child.  I will follow her footprints and she will not cast me away."

- Makeda, Queen of Sheba (ca. 960/1000 B.C.)

mother earth

- 2013 mixed media -

“The Earth is our Mother. 

Whatever befalls the earth befalls the sons and daughters of the earth. This we know. All things are connected like the blood which unites one family. All things are connected.

Whatever befalls the earth befalls the sons and daughters of the earth. We did not weave the web of life, we are merely strands in it. Whatever we do to the web we do to ourselves.” 
- Chief Seattle (1780-1866)

abandon

run away...

escape...

return to the sea...

a woman abandons herself to motherhood... (or a career or a lover or a cause - a woman instinctively mothers)

a mother abandons her child for reasons one cannot judge... (abandonment can be physical or emotional)

a woman must learn to mother herself, her Self...

all I want to do today is dance, paint and make love to blue...

in between the meals, the laundry, the lessons, the questions, the laughter, the hugs, the gratitude, the doubt, the joy...

I carve out a few minutes in the day to stretch, breathe and sit in silence...

I discover the blessings...in blue...

her own sensual language

- 2011 mixed media on paper -

"Everything in the universe is made of union and generation - by the coming together of elements that seek out one another, melt together two by two, and are born again in a third." - Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

she has her own sensual language

she speaks without saying a word

mother earth

our mother

are we listening to her song? 

excerpt from my journals 

birthing herself: Frida Kahlo

~ a 2009 mixed media on wood given a blue tint for this series dedicated to various aspects of motherhood ~

she carried whispers of life in her womb for only a brief time...

through pain and grief, she birthed self-portraits depicting her soul...

Frida Kahlo became a mother to her suffering and as a result, a mother to her expression and creativity...

from my journals

paternal grandmother: Uca

she taught me to smile with my heart...

she taught me sweetness...

she taught me that motherhood is a great joy and a sacred act of service...

she taught me the art of silent communication through one's eyes...

she taught me to laugh out loud with spontaneity...

she taught me the importance and the freedom of transparency...

she taught me it was safe to feel and cry...

she taught me to love Mother Mary...and to find this maternal goddess energy in every woman...

- excerpt from my journals

remembering my beloved Estrella Maruca, truly a Grand Mother

maternal grandmother: Mimi

she taught me to stand tall and respect myself...

she taught me to trust my gut...

she taught me to clean, cook, sew and iron, but not because of my gender (she taught her sons and grandsons similar chores)...

she taught me to be loyal and truthful, especially with myself...

she taught me that motherhood is a privilege, a lifelong commitment and a selfless sacrifice...

she taught me how to hula dance, gracefully moving to the rhythms of nature while telling my story...

she taught me to always help another in need, especially another woman...

- excerpts from my journals

Happy Birthday Beloved Mimi...truly a Grand Mother...

mujer y madre : Bianca Jagger

detail from 2014 mixed media on paper, given a blue tint for this series celebrating women who connect with the energies of the Universal Mother...

Happy Birthday Bianca...

I admire your commitment to human rights and your dedication to the preservation and protection of the planet, Mother Earth...

painting my soul in blue

- detail from 2014 mixed media on canvas -

awake at 4 o'clock in the morning

how do you invade my dreams, my thoughts?

why?

are you sending me messages?

another month begins...

I usually dedicate the month of May to mothers, but I am feeling rather rebellious at this particular point in my life and have decided to do things differently...

is this your influence?

are you challenging me?

do you wish to dance to the rhythm of heartbeats?

do you miss my laughter in the rain?

last night I poured myself onto canvases...

"still a little bit of your taste in my mouth 

still a little bit of you laced with my doubt... 

still a little bit of your ghost - your witness  

still a little bit of your face I haven't kissed...  

still a little bit of your song in my ear, 

still a little bit of your words I long to hear..."

- Damien Rice

painting my soul in blue...perhaps for you...